Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Jimmy Higgins · 08-08-2003, 06:13 AM

I know what you all think, but it is true. I wanted something sweet. So I went to the vending machine and tossed a few coins in, pressed E4 for some peanut M&M's. When the corkscrew was turning to eject my candy, I saw the hand of Jesus hold the corkscrew up so that my candy wouldn't come out. Prick!

beth · 08-08-2003, 06:17 AM

Maybe you were being punished because He knew you were going to call him a dirty name.

WWSD · 08-08-2003, 12:33 PM

Jesus once reached into my engine compartment and caused my rod bearing to explode.

One time he made my breaks go out as well.

Or maybe it was Satan.

Who knows?

RevDahlia · 08-08-2003, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by WWSD
Jesus once reached into my engine compartment and caused my rod bearing to explode.

Am I completely insane for thinking that sentence has major, major blasphemous-innuendo potential?

WWSD · 08-08-2003, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RevDahlia
Am I completely insane for thinking that sentence has major, major blasphemous-innuendo potential?

What ever do you mean? I have the cleanest mind in the universe.

Jimmy Higgins · 08-08-2003, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by WWSD
Jesus once reached into my engine compartment and caused my rod bearing to explode.

One time he made my breaks go out as well.

Geesh! Darn good thing both of those innuendos didn't occur at the same time. Very messy, I'd say.

Mister Impossible · 08-08-2003, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Geesh! Darn good thing both of those innuendos didn't occur at the same time. Very messy, I'd say.

It would be impossible to get rid of those stains.

I mean ... All the *oil*.

WWSD · 08-08-2003, 01:32 PM

That Jesus is a wily one. He loosened up my ex GF's fanbelt one day, clogged her radiator and caused her engine to overheat.

missus_gumby · 08-08-2003, 01:50 PM

He turned me into a newt!

I got better.

penumbra · 08-08-2003, 02:08 PM

It must have been Jebus that caused me to have a nocturnal emission, uh? That magic touch of his, you know.

08-08-2003, 06:13 AM	#1
Jimmy Higgins Contributor Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Proud Citizen of Freedonia Posts: 42,473	My life was touched by Jesus today I know what you all think, but it is true. I wanted something sweet. So I went to the vending machine and tossed a few coins in, pressed E4 for some peanut M&M's. When the corkscrew was turning to eject my candy, I saw the hand of Jesus hold the corkscrew up so that my candy wouldn't come out. Prick!

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08-08-2003, 06:17 AM	#2
beth Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: where orange blossoms bloom... Posts: 1,802	Maybe you were being punished because He knew you were going to call him a dirty name.

08-08-2003, 12:33 PM	#3
WWSD Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Albucrazy, New Mexico Posts: 1,425	Jesus once reached into my engine compartment and caused my rod bearing to explode. One time he made my breaks go out as well. Or maybe it was Satan. Who knows?

08-08-2003, 01:32 PM	#8
WWSD Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Albucrazy, New Mexico Posts: 1,425	That Jesus is a wily one. He loosened up my ex GF's fanbelt one day, clogged her radiator and caused her engine to overheat.

08-08-2003, 01:50 PM	#9
missus_gumby Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: UK Posts: 1,898	He turned me into a newt! I got better.

08-08-2003, 02:08 PM	#10
penumbra Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 1,938	It must have been Jebus that caused me to have a nocturnal emission, uh? That magic touch of his, you know.

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