Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Shake · 04-30-2003, 05:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Defiant Heretic
Here are some other threads that dealt with the issue.

Fun things to do with Street Corner Xians
101 Fun things to do with doorbell missionaries
Little green Bibles...

I particularly liked Bill's link to the Other People in the "101 Fun things..." thread!

Jackalope · 04-30-2003, 05:47 AM

Living in Berkeley, the Christbots are usually out in force on Telegraph avenue certain days. Worse yet, there's a group with a permit to use a PA system. They alternate preaching with (really bad) earnest singing. And one day, interpretive dance as well. I sat myself down in the cafe across the street and laughed my ass off at 'em that time.

I've found that dressing all gothed out really does work as a christer repellant. Some little 19 year old was handing out Jack Chick tracts and started to hold one out to me. I smiled sweetly and said, "You don't want to give that to me." I swear I *heard* him say "Eep!" as he flinched away. Just because I'm starting to look like the batty old aunties from "Practical Magic"...

But there used to be one frothing-at-the-mouth corner preacher. When there was still a shop called "Headlines" that sold trendy clothes, toys and condoms, he'd station himself out front. One day, I walked out with a whole bag of condoms. As I came through the doorway, I heard him ranting about "Sins of the Flesh!" I grabbed a handful of condoms, stuck them in his hand and said, "Sounds like you need these more than I do." And then went on my way. The gutter punks who'd been heckling the guy worshipped me for a couple months after that one.

Hedwig · 04-30-2003, 06:25 AM

Damn! Now I wish I didn't get along so well with our local raving lunatic! That condom things sounds perfectly suited to him.

*sigh* The only problem is he is treated a thousand times better by the atheists, pagans, and other assorted heathens on campus than he is by the other Christians...so he needs all the heathen support he can get (ironically enough.

)

Jackalope · 04-30-2003, 06:31 AM

It's just about Mayday, which means all the neopagans will be converging on our traditional May 1st morris dancing. I've given up trying to convince them that it isn't really an ancient pagan tradition, because they don't want to learn the real history. But at BFE in the morning, it's hard not to reach out and throttle some earnest, bubbly pagan type when they're babbling at you. Especially when it's cold before dawn and I'm not a morning person. Besides, the performers are supposed to be gracious. Or at least civil.

I just need to keep a sufficiently mercenary state of mind. They put money in the hat if you tell them what they want to hear. And if you're good, you don't even have to lie to do that. But there's still the occasional urge to shout, "THIS IS NOT AN ANCIENT PAGAN CUSTOM, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FERTILITY! THE DAMN DANCES WERE MADE UP BY GUYS WHO WANTED BEER MONEY!"

Bumble Bee Tuna · 04-30-2003, 08:42 AM

If you get hit by fundies frequently...

Carry a lighter. Try to get as many bibles as you can. Then immediately set them on fire. Maybe stuff one down your pants (without lighting it on fire!). Rip some pages out and wipe your ass with them. When you're done, spit on the pile of ashes.

-B

Taffer · 04-30-2003, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zadok001
Buy a Bible, preferably with a leather cover. Tear out all the pages, leaving the binding intact. Get some good book paste, and glue several hundred sheets of flash paper in the place of the pages.

Buy a fire extinguisher. Put it next to your door.

Buy a black and/or dark red outfit, preferably something that gives the vaguest hint of demonic possession. Make sure it goes well with gloves.

Buy a pair of black gloves. Something fireproof is recommended. Usings scissors, put a small hole in the index finger of the left glove, on the side close to the thumb. Fill that finger of the glove with the following: 1 (one) small, flexible peice of plastic tubing, 1 (one) device that will emit a spark when activated.

Now, when you put your hand in the glove, keep your index finger bent down. Pick up the Bible. Make sure you can hold it effectively while keeping the index finger of your left hand pointed at it. You won't need to hold it like that for long, so don't worry about stability - It only needs to be near the 'finger' for a second.

Run the plastic tubing through the palm of the glove and out through the wrist. You know those little squeeze things doctors use to pump up the bands around your arm to get your blood pressure? {removed reference to illegal action - Maverick} Fill it with lighter fluid and attach it to the end of the plastic tubing. Squeeze it. Lighter fluid should spurt out of your finger.

Now attach the sparking device (whatever you may choose) such that the spark will be produced in the same position as the lighter fluid.

Wire up such that the pump and the sparker are engaged simultaneously when you activate your device.

Next time someone tries to convert you, tell them you've already converted, hold up the Bible, and say "In the name of Satan my Dark Lord!" Hit the button while pointing at the Bible. For style points, throw it at them.

Comedy Gold! Bravo!:notworthy

villainess · 04-30-2003, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jackalope
"THIS IS NOT AN ANCIENT PAGAN CUSTOM, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FERTILITY! THE DAMN DANCES WERE MADE UP BY GUYS WHO WANTED BEER MONEY!"

Oh, come on, you're not going to tell me that money for beer has no correlation with fertility, are you?

I was actually invited to a beltane celebration tonight by a couple of very nice pagans who know I'm an atheist and are down with it. I'll probably decline anyway, though I must say the chocolate tempts me.... (yes, I have also gone to Christian festivities for free chocolate. Who am I to say no to free chocolate?) But I haven't seen any public new ageyness recently.

I last had door-xtians a few years ago. I took their literature because they shamelessly flattered my cat and left promptly. Then I switched my schedule around so they never caught me at home again.

the_villainess

AspenMama · 04-30-2003, 09:59 PM

This thread doesn't belong in SL&S anymore. So here ya go.

ju'iblex · 04-30-2003, 11:17 PM

my father opened the door to the JW's the other day, he let them run their spiel and simply said "Let's get to the point, who do you hate?"

Infidelettante · 04-30-2003, 11:25 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by trekbette
[B]Not even I'm that cruel.

Wiener dogs (sweet and wonderful in everyway) are the closest thing we have to hell hounds. They gnaw at your ankles until you fall over then go for the throat. What's bad about this is that they are so cute, you usually lay there and let them. You even help them by picking them up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dachshund weighs in at eleven pounds and is convinced he can take on anything that comes around the corner. He will grab hold of an 85 lb. Lab/Chow mix and try his best to walk off with that dog.

He has no concept of small. But you are right, he is cute, cute, cute and we put up with him because of it. Besides, his is the wifes dog. The Lab/Chow is mine and we are both used to being led around.

JT

04-30-2003, 06:31 AM	#24
Jackalope Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Hayward, CA, USA Posts: 1,675	speaking of "that time of year" It's just about Mayday, which means all the neopagans will be converging on our traditional May 1st morris dancing. I've given up trying to convince them that it isn't really an ancient pagan tradition, because they don't want to learn the real history. But at BFE in the morning, it's hard not to reach out and throttle some earnest, bubbly pagan type when they're babbling at you. Especially when it's cold before dawn and I'm not a morning person. Besides, the performers are supposed to be gracious. Or at least civil. I just need to keep a sufficiently mercenary state of mind. They put money in the hat if you tell them what they want to hear. And if you're good, you don't even have to lie to do that. But there's still the occasional urge to shout, "THIS IS NOT AN ANCIENT PAGAN CUSTOM, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FERTILITY! THE DAMN DANCES WERE MADE UP BY GUYS WHO WANTED BEER MONEY!"

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04-30-2003, 05:47 AM	#22
Jackalope Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Hayward, CA, USA Posts: 1,675	Living in Berkeley, the Christbots are usually out in force on Telegraph avenue certain days. Worse yet, there's a group with a permit to use a PA system. They alternate preaching with (really bad) earnest singing. And one day, interpretive dance as well. I sat myself down in the cafe across the street and laughed my ass off at 'em that time. I've found that dressing all gothed out really does work as a christer repellant. Some little 19 year old was handing out Jack Chick tracts and started to hold one out to me. I smiled sweetly and said, "You don't want to give that to me." I swear I heard him say "Eep!" as he flinched away. Just because I'm starting to look like the batty old aunties from "Practical Magic"... But there used to be one frothing-at-the-mouth corner preacher. When there was still a shop called "Headlines" that sold trendy clothes, toys and condoms, he'd station himself out front. One day, I walked out with a whole bag of condoms. As I came through the doorway, I heard him ranting about "Sins of the Flesh!" I grabbed a handful of condoms, stuck them in his hand and said, "Sounds like you need these more than I do." And then went on my way. The gutter punks who'd been heckling the guy worshipped me for a couple months after that one.

04-30-2003, 06:25 AM	#23
Hedwig Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 3,921	Damn! Now I wish I didn't get along so well with our local raving lunatic! That condom things sounds perfectly suited to him. sigh The only problem is he is treated a thousand times better by the atheists, pagans, and other assorted heathens on campus than he is by the other Christians...so he needs all the heathen support he can get (ironically enough. )

04-30-2003, 08:42 AM	#25
Bumble Bee Tuna Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Middletown, CT Posts: 7,333	If you get hit by fundies frequently... Carry a lighter. Try to get as many bibles as you can. Then immediately set them on fire. Maybe stuff one down your pants (without lighting it on fire!). Rip some pages out and wipe your ass with them. When you're done, spit on the pile of ashes. -B

04-30-2003, 09:59 PM	#28
AspenMama Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Colorado Posts: 3,311	This thread doesn't belong in SL&S anymore. So here ya go.

04-30-2003, 11:17 PM	#29
ju'iblex Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Sydney Australia and beyond the realms of Gehenna Posts: 6,035	my father opened the door to the JW's the other day, he let them run their spiel and simply said "Let's get to the point, who do you hate?"

04-30-2003, 11:25 PM	#30
Infidelettante Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: The Deep South Posts: 889	[QUOTE]Originally posted by trekbette [B]Not even I'm that cruel. Wiener dogs (sweet and wonderful in everyway) are the closest thing we have to hell hounds. They gnaw at your ankles until you fall over then go for the throat. What's bad about this is that they are so cute, you usually lay there and let them. You even help them by picking them up. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My dachshund weighs in at eleven pounds and is convinced he can take on anything that comes around the corner. He will grab hold of an 85 lb. Lab/Chow mix and try his best to walk off with that dog. He has no concept of small. But you are right, he is cute, cute, cute and we put up with him because of it. Besides, his is the wifes dog. The Lab/Chow is mine and we are both used to being led around. JT

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