Freethought & Rationalism Archive

AbbyNormal · 02-11-2003, 03:01 PM

Awww....isn't that sweet of Jesus to hold the little girl while he stands there and lets Mummy and Daddy kill each other? Truly, the love of God is infinite!!
Anyway, this particular bit of tripe has got me really worked up and I definitely want to compose a thoughtful reply, but I need to walk away and count to ten now (or a thousand, perhaps).

Quote:

IF SOMEONE HAD A GUN HELD IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE AND ASKED YOU IF YOU BELIEVED IN GOD, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
SAY NO AND FEEL ASHAMED THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? OR SAY YES, I DO, AND DIE STANDING UP FOR GOD? IF YOU'D SAY NO, THEN DELETE THIS E-MAIL. IF YOU WOULD SAY YES, AND STAND UP FOR JESUS CHRIST, PLEASE READ THIS AND PASS ON.

Note: This is a true article that was printed in a southern newspaper less then a year ago

TAKE A DEEP BREATH BEFORE READING THIS

There was an atheist couple who had a child. The couple never told their daughter anything about the Lord. One night when the little girl was 5 years old, the parents fought with each other and the dad shot the Mom, right in front of the child. Then, the dad shot! himself. The little girl watched it all. She then was sent to a foster home. The foster mother was a Christian and took the child to church. On the first day of Sunday School, the foster mother told the teacher that the girl had never heard of Jesus, and to have patience with her. The teacher held up a picture of Jesus and said, "Does anyone know who this is?" The little girl said, "I do, that's the man who was holding me the night my parents died."

If you believe this little girl is telling the truth that even though she had never heard of Jesus, he still held her the night her parents died, then you will forward this to as many people as you can.

Or you can delete it as if it never touched your heart.

Funny, isn't it?

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. (Or is it scary?)

Funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God).

Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.

Funny how we can go to church for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week. (Are you laughing?)

Funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. (Are you thinking?)

Pass this on only if you mean it.

Yes, I do Love God!

Manta · 02-11-2003, 03:11 PM

Think of the agnostic on the airplane "Island with beautiful guys" (okay, he said girls, but hey...

)

That is what that particular godspam reminds me of. Send them the link to that little flash movie

Heathen · 02-11-2003, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Yes, well people killing each other in the name of God doesn't help any.

Quote:

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

That's because (most of the time) the stories in the newspapers are believable.

These types of emails annoy me, and make me roll my eyes every time I see them. But I get them all the time, so I swear I've seen them all before. Like this one:

Quote:

EXPLAIN GOD

One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones
that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He
doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and
easier to make. That way He doesn't have to take up His valuable time
teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.

God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this
goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside
bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this.

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him
pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your Mom and
Dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.

Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in
Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.

Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and
performing miracles and people finally got tired of Him preaching to them and
they crucified Him. But He was good and kind, like His Father and He told His
Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God
said "O.K." His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His
hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road
anymore. He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by
listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take
care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother
God. Like a secretary, only more important.

You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got
it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.

You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if
there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do
something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong.
And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.

If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very
lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but
God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or
when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.

But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure
God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases. And...that's why
I believe in God.

Keep these thoughts with you throughout the coming years!

1. If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.

2. If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.

3. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.

4. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.

5. He could live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

6. What about the Christmas gift He sent you in Bethlehem; not to mention
that Friday at Calvary. Face it, He's crazy about you.

Send this to the people you're crazy about. I thought this was pretty
special, just like you. Pass this on and brighten someone's day, and
remember:

God answers Knee-Mail!

Viti · 02-11-2003, 03:34 PM

Well it's not a true story as they claim...lying for Jesus!

And, since we have no idea what Jesus looked like (assuming he existed at all), how could the kid pick him out of a line up? What a stupid piece of shit.

Shadowy Man · 02-11-2003, 03:38 PM

As I said in another thread, it's easy to make up fictional stories to bolster any side of a moral argument. There's no way that story was real and appeared in the newspaper.

Ab_Normal · 02-11-2003, 03:45 PM

Let me take a try! QueenofSwords makes it look so easy...

Quote:

IF SOMEONE HAD A GUN HELD IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE AND ASKED YOU IF YOU BELIEVED IN GOD, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
SAY NO AND FEEL ASHAMED THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? OR SAY YES, I DO, AND DIE STANDING UP FOR GOD? IF YOU'D SAY NO, THEN DELETE THIS E-MAIL. IF YOU WOULD SAY YES, AND STAND UP FOR JESUS CHRIST, PLEASE READ THIS AND PASS ON.

I'll take the third option, which is, say "No" because God is Santa for grown-ups. (Mad Kally tm)

Quote:

Note: This is a true article that was printed in a southern newspaper less then a year ago

Or a country song by John Michael Montgomery, based on this very e-mail. Look here: http://www.snopes.com/glurge/girl.htm

Quote:

TAKE A DEEP BREATH BEFORE READING THIS

Yes, deep breathing is recommended for nausea.

Quote:

There was an atheist couple who had a child. The couple never told their daughter anything about the Lord. One night when the little girl was 5 years old, the parents fought with each other and the dad shot the Mom, right in front of the child. Then, the dad shot! himself. The little girl watched it all. She then was sent to a foster home. The foster mother was a Christian and took the child to church. On the first day of Sunday School, the foster mother told the teacher that the girl had never heard of Jesus, and to have patience with her. The teacher held up a picture of Jesus and said, "Does anyone know who this is?" The little girl said, "I do, that's the man who was holding me the night my parents died."

Was he touching her in her underwear area? It's a good thing she told an adult. (is this too much? I just couldn't help it, but I am one of those evil atheists, after all)

Quote:

If you believe this little girl is telling the truth that even though she had never heard of Jesus, he still held her the night her parents died, then you will forward this to as many people as you can.

Yup, Jesus loved her so much he comforted her as her hell-bound parents died. Of course, he didn't use his super-Jesus powers to stop the muder/suicide. Guess he'd rather just touch little girls. Hmm, did he look like Michael Jackson?

Quote:

Or you can delete it as if it never touched your heart.

...checking my viscera... nope, no fingerprints.

Quote:

Funny, isn't it?

No, I found it rather pathetic.

Quote:

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Um, if your god is omnipotent, couldn't he stop the world from going to hell?

Quote:

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

That's because I can fact-check both the newspaper and the bible, and I find a lot more confirmation for the newspaper.

Quote:

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. (Or is it scary?)

Yeah, those folks wearing mixed fibers and eating ham at Easter... what are they thinking? They'll never get into heaven that way.

Quote:

Funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God).

Ah, Satan, that sneaky old fellow. Say, didn't I read in your bible that your god made him? Hmmm.

Quote:

Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

How I wish you had been one of them.

Quote:

Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Funny how religion used to be considered something you didn't discuss in polite society, because it's a private matter. Hey, doesn't that Bible thing have something to say about that too?

Is this a dig at the First Amendment, by the way? Odd, students can form bible study clubs at public schools. They can pray quietly at their desks, or together during their time out of class. The only thing they can't do is force their prayer on anybody else - that's what separation of church and state means, friend.

Quote:

Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.

Sure didn't seem to stop you.

Quote:

Funny how we can go to church for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week. (Are you laughing?)

Wow, can I be invisible too? That's always been the superpower I want.

Quote:

Funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. (Are you thinking?)

Yes, I am thinking. That's why I'm not a Christian. Or a Muslim, or a member of any other religion.

Quote:

Pass this on only if you mean it.

Don't worry, I shan't.

Quote:

Yes, I do Love God!

But does he return your calls?

-----
Wow, that was harder than it looks!

Shadowy Man · 02-11-2003, 03:52 PM

Quote:

The couple never told their daughter anything about the Lord.

This is the smoking gun to me that the entire story was fabricated. How could the newspaper writer possibly know this?

GunnerJ · 02-11-2003, 04:09 PM

Ab_Normal... that was... beautiful. It's been so long since I've read quality Nutwatch-esque material!

Quote:

IF SOMEONE HAD A GUN HELD IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE AND ASKED YOU IF YOU BELIEVED IN GOD, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
SAY NO AND FEEL ASHAMED THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? OR SAY YES, I DO, AND DIE STANDING UP FOR GOD?

Ironically, if you live in the US, you're probably more likely to be shot for answering the negative in such a situation.

Ab_Normal · 02-11-2003, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rimstalker
Ab_Normal... that was... beautiful. It's been so long since I've read quality Nutwatch-esque material!

*sniff* Where's the Kleenex? *sniff* I can't say anything right now... talk amongst yourselves.

Thanks, Rimstalker! (assuming the ellipses don't somehow transform it into an insult and I'm being neutronium-dense.

)

BrotherMan · 02-11-2003, 06:08 PM

I think there are three distinct godspams in that one email.

First:

Quote:

IF SOMEONE HAD A GUN HELD IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE AND ASKED YOU IF YOU BELIEVED IN GOD, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

SAY NO AND FEEL ASHAMED THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? OR SAY YES, I DO, AND DIE STANDING UP FOR GOD? IF YOU'D SAY NO, THEN DELETE THIS E-MAIL. IF YOU WOULD SAY YES, AND STAND UP FOR JESUS CHRIST, PLEASE READ THIS AND PASS ON.

Shades of Columbine, anyone? While I do find Rachel Joy Scott's posthumous testimony moving, her answer to Dylan and Eric was irrelevant. She would be dead no matter what she said.

Like others here, I'd opt for the third, unmentioned, answer: NO, BECAUSE GOD ISN'T REAL AND YOU POINTING A GUN IN MY FACE PROVES IT.

Second:

Quote:

There was an atheist couple who had a child. The couple never told their daughter anything about the Lord. One night when the little girl was 5 years old, the parents fought with each other and the dad shot the Mom, right in front of the child. Then, the dad shot! himself. The little girl watched it all. She then was sent to a foster home. The foster mother was a Christian and took the child to church. On the first day of Sunday School, the foster mother told the teacher that the girl had never heard of Jesus, and to have patience with her. The teacher held up a picture of Jesus and said, "Does anyone know who this is?" The little girl said, "I do, that's the man who was holding me the night my parents died."

If you believe this little girl is telling the truth that even though she had never heard of Jesus, he still held her the night her parents died, then you will forward this to as many people as you can.

Or you can delete it as if it never touched your heart.

Thanks for the Snopes Link Ab_Normal! I hate digging for that kind of thing.

Third:

Quote:

Funny, isn't it?

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. (Or is it scary?)

Funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God).

Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.

Funny how we can go to church for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week. (Are you laughing?)

Funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. (Are you thinking?)

This looks very familiar...

Quote:

Notes: Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Isn't it funny how someone can say, "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God)?

Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to the e-mail.

Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me.

I think the good news in all of this is that they may very well be running out of ideas for godspam.

But I've never really been much of a glass-half-full person.

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version	Search this Thread: Advanced Search

02-11-2003, 03:11 PM	#2
Manta Regular Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: St Somewhere Posts: 352	Think of the agnostic on the airplane "Island with beautiful guys" (okay, he said girls, but hey... ) That is what that particular godspam reminds me of. Send them the link to that little flash movie

02-11-2003, 03:34 PM	#4
Viti Contributor Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Down South Posts: 12,879	Well it's not a true story as they claim...lying for Jesus! And, since we have no idea what Jesus looked like (assuming he existed at all), how could the kid pick him out of a line up? What a stupid piece of shit.

02-11-2003, 03:38 PM	#5
Shadowy Man Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: A Shadowy Planet Posts: 7,585	As I said in another thread, it's easy to make up fictional stories to bolster any side of a moral argument. There's no way that story was real and appeared in the newspaper.

Freethought & Rationalism Archive

The archives are read only.