Queen of Swords

From the Religious Reich�s Recipe book : A Mess of Pottage

Take three heaping cups of fundamentalism and dissolve them in a pint of politics. Stir in as much bombastic rhetoric as you can; when the mixture turns stiff and tastes sour, it�s ready. Bake for three days and three nights or until the dish rises again, whichever comes first. Sprinkle liberally with capital letters and conspiracy theories. Serves the entire harvest of one particular tree, because this week�s Nutwatch says �Off with their head(s)� to

First Christian Fellowship of Eternal Sovereignty

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is still holding the gold medal for long-winded names, but a new contender has stepped into the ring. Naturally, they have a philosophy that befits their titanic title, and this is spelled out in the article

Introduction to Sovereignty

The article is by �Daniel McGavin Hansen, Sovereign�, though it�s not clear whether I should speak of him as King Daniel or King Hansen.

Today, modern Americans find themselves in an ancient dilemma, for we have traded in our Birthright for a 'mess of pottage".

Just think, if you had only traded in your Birthright for a �mess of postage�, you could have mailed it away as well. And if you had traded in your Birthright for a �mess of pot�, you�d be much happier than you seem to be right now.

As We the People confront trillion Dollar debt, gross and blatant immorality, and a long train of governmental abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce us

We must be either overweight or oxidized.

under absolute Despotism...

Always a bad thing when the despot isn�t the author�s deity-of-choice.

It is our Duty to seek proper remedy for our awful situation. Accordingly, it behooves us to cease groping in darkness

Yes, please light a few scented candles for an atmosphere far more conducive to groping.

and seek the light of faith which guided and sustained our Founding Fathers� As modern day Sovereigns

we shall change the national anthem from �The Star-Spangled Banner� to �God Save the Kings�.

it is not our intention to invent or concoct a New Age religion

Ah, the devil made you do it.

beguiled by the titillating reasonings of mere man or the mysteries of ancient Babylon

Like, if they called it the Hanging Gardens, how many innocent Israelites were executed there?

as embraced and expanded upon within the un-hallowed halls of the Great and Abominable government schools.

Presumably the Small and Inoffensive government schools teach something more in line with the standards, or lack thereof, that the FCFES upholds. As far as they are concerned, church and state once lived happily together in the garden of Eden and there�s no reason why those blissful conditions shouldn�t prevail to this day, a theory embraced and expounded upon within the article

DOCTRINAL & ORGANIZATIONAL EXPLANATIONS REGARDING THE FIRST CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP OF ETERNAL SOVEREIGNTY

The main objective of The First Christian Fellowship of Eternal Sovereignty is to proselyte and educate sovereign Americans

Proselyte and educate � that would be like trying to simultaneously burn and freeze food.

and empower them to demand and defend their God given rights and fulfill their duties as freedom loving Christians against the encroachment of the Beast and his agents.

This is what happens when you deny yourself nocturnal gropings. You don�t get no rapture.

We intend, also, to help obtain for our membership salvation

I�m getting the impression that Jesus didn�t do a whole lot for the First Christian Fellowship. Perhaps He needs their proselytization and education as well, even though he wasn�t lucky enough to be born a sovereign American.

from the involuntary servitude {see the Thirteenth Amendment} imposed upon us by the Beast, through his agents, disguised as the Social Security System

God�s agents are disguised as the Internal Revenue Service, and these two forces wage holy war over your money. For did not Jesus himself say, �Not a penny falls to the ground, but that God sees it�?

and its "Mark of the Beast" the infamous Social Security identification number.

The Beast has apparently declared open season on Americans; people of any other nationality may proceed undisturbed by his vile minions.

"In decent respect to the opinions of mankind,"

This phrase reminds me of a daisy placed carefully upon a cowpat. The flower looks pretty, but it doesn�t alter the nature of the manure.

we offer the following reasoning, scripture and historical evidence� that America must reestablish individual freedoms through Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour of this Nation or become unwitting slaves to the Beast.

Let�s face it, you should only be an unwitting slave to god. And not just any old god � don�t cheapen yourself � but only the same god that the FCFES itself honors with its attention.

Membership in this fellowship is by invitation only

�Won�t you come into my parlor?� said the FCFES to the fly,
�There�s a cask of Amontillado that you really ought to try.�
�See what lovely lunacies we spin, what warping webs we weave,
�And you�ll love our little house so much you�ll never want to leave.�

to Christians who recognize Jesus Christ as "our Lord" as He is so designated under Article VII of the Constitution of the United States.

According to my notes on American history, Article VII deals with people�s right to a trial by jury in common-law suits where the amount in question is greater than twenty dollars. I�m not sure how Jesus comes into this, unless they�re saying that Jesus is the jury, one god in twelve persons, in which case the Trinity should be called the Dodecahedrinity instead.

All potential members should be thoroughly conversant with the above cited Christian Fellowship literature.

All potential female members should ask their husbands to explain it to them.

Even as Christ cast the money changers out of the temple, we Christians, must use His Sword

to commit honorable seppuku.

to throw the money changers (the International Banking Cartels and the Federal Reserve System) out of our government and return it to its rightful masters: We the People.

�God,� the FCFES said one day, �you can run heaven however you like, as long as We the People get to run earth. Come on, you can�t say that isn�t fair. So, is it a deal? If you agree, make the sun rise tomorrow as a sign of your accord. Amen.�

John the Revelator foresaw fierce looking beasts which represent tyrannical earthly governments controlled by Satan (Rev. 13: 16 & 17)

I wouldn�t place too much stock in that vision. If I was in the presence of a fundamentalist, I�d look fierce too.

�And he (the Beast) causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads�� The Social Security number marks us just as certainly as if it was in our right hand or in our foreheads.

Because you can no more tear up that little blue card than you can tear up your forehead (especially if the Beast laminates the card for you).

Please note that the scripture says "in" and not on.

Actually, the scripture says �on� and not �in� � I just checked it up in my New King James. But no doubt the Social Security System has corrupted that particular version.

A brand, tattoo or a ring would be considered on our hand not "in" our hand yet when we hold something it is referred to as being "in" your hand. Who does not have to show their Social Security card and hold it "in" their hand when applying for a job?

This must be the most mobile mark ever dreamed up by a fundamentalist. All you have to do to avoid God�s wrath is put down your social security card, or better still, slip it into Daniel Hansen�s pocket.

And who does not know their number by heart having it "in" their "forehead" so they may quote it upon demand by the government.

If your brain took the form of a thin film spread across your forehead like concealer, I suppose this reasoning might make sense to you too.

�The true identifying quality of the "Mark' is that it must restrict buying and selling or in other words the ability to earn a living (selling our products or our labor) or to obtain that which we need (buying) in order to survive.

Seevn years� supply of canned beans : $700.
Remington 1100 automatic shotgun : $500.
Freedom from the Mark : Priceless.

To force any Sovereign Christian to Mark themselves by accepting or continuing to accept a "Government" identification that could limit their ability to "buy" or to "sell"

including a driver�s license, a check card, a credit card and basically any form of identification whatsoever. The ideal world of Sovereign Christianity must be a Little House on the Prairie scenario where Pa grows corn and Ma cooks it; no government required for that.

is to force that Christian to take upon themselves the Mark of the Beast� It would be slavery of the most heinous form.

The form where Christians are the ones being enslaved, rather than heathens and other enemies of the Chosen People (formerly the Israelites, now the Americans, God be praised for finally getting it correct).

It would force Sovereign Christians to proselyte for Satan.

Amazing how one little piece of paper can alter your alignment to that extent. If only the FCFES could devise a similar Mark of the God, they might be able to make the evil forces of Satan proselyte for Jesus.

In essence it would force Sovereign Christians to support their enemies and prevent and pervert their religious practice, rights, and intentions.

I guess they missed that part of the bible where Jesus says, �do not resist evil. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn the other cheek.�

We must return to our foundations as a nation or risk the retribution from our Almighty God who will not be mocked forever.

Yes, eventually the mockery will make him realize that he needs to improve his behavior. It�s a form of negative reinforcement, like giving a rat an electric shock, though most rats tend to be quicker to learn what�s required of them.

The godless government school monopoly has silently, relentlessly and deliberately censored our history.

The godful government school monopoly here in the United Arab Emirates did the same thing, stapling together any pages of our history books that dealt with Israel. The point? There are some things man was not meant to know. Deal with it, and pass the black Magic Marker when you get to the anatomy section of the biology books.

These book burning educators are guilty of the most heinous crimes of priestcraft,

If anyone can decipher what that means, let me know. Most Christian Reconstructionists operate from the script of The Handmaid�s Tale; at least this lot decided to be creative and picked Fahrenheit 451 instead.

having denied us and our children of our birthright.

Won�t someone please think of us, and also of our children, even the postborn ones?

Our birthright as Americans is the historical knowledge of who we are, where we came from,

Shortly after a godly man and a submissive woman are joined together for life by Almighty God, He sends a stork to bring them a little gift from heaven � a precious innocent baby. That�s where we came from, unless some non-christian was so evil as to shoot the stork down in mid-flight.

our inherited rights and responsibilities, and the manifest destiny of this nation under God to be a shining beacon of liberty to all mankind and to proclaim liberty to all the inhabitants of the world.

When Jesus comes back to earth, he�ll be wearing an American flag and maybe eating a Big Mac as well; the FCFES just wouldn�t believe he was Jesus otherwise. Most of the other articles featured on this website are similarly patriotic; such is the nature of Mr. Hansen�s numerous letters-to-the-editor, such as his 1987 missive

Response to Mr. Pickering, an Atheist

It is reassuring to read in the nit-pickerings

I get the impression that one of the first necessities in the new sovereign America will be a Divine Dictionary wherein the jargon of the FCFES will be explained to all.

of our resident atheist that he has "realized the American dream." He can thank God for that.

He can thank God for what, precisely? The fact that Mr. Hansen was reassured? Yes, I suppose he should; judging from the ravings of the sovereign, such peace of mind must be rare indeed.

He may also be surprised to learn that the 'American dream" did not evolve. It was created by Christians,

Unfortunately these Christians were not blessed by membership in the First Christian Fellowship of Eternal Sovereignty. I hope they went to heaven nevertheless.

beginning with the Pilgrim's Mayflower Compact establishing a body politic for the express purpose of worshipping Jesus Christ.

Apparently the Pilgrims were unaware of the existence of God the Father, even though Jesus Christ spent a great deal of his time petitioning the fellow. So we have a nice chain of command : the women worship the men, who worship Jesus, who worships God.

Americans bow no knee to a king, dictator or tyrant

Yes, when God said, �Every knee shall bow�, he meant every knee attached to a person of a different nationality.

because we recognize� Jesus Christ is our Lord (Article VII, U.S. Constitution).

When the sovereign and his subjects look at the Statue of Liberty, they must see a huge green Jesus standing there instead. The Jolly Green Jesus, I�d call him, if his worshippers weren�t so deadly serious about their beliefs.

America is now devolving into the slime of socialism and immorality. God gave us an anchor and a beacon.

It was an anchor which glowed, and it presumably continues to glow at the bottom of the ocean; the FCFES keeps it there in the hopes of attracting a pretty mermaid or two.

Letting go of him, we now wallow in the filth and bondage of pornography, V.D., abortion, AIDS, alcohol, drugs, debt, political corruption, crushing taxation, international intrigue and dishonor.

That bit about dishonor at the end makes the entire diatribe sound like a speech by a drunken Klingon. I should be so lucky : any Klingon spouting this claptrap would probably fall on his bat�leth the moment he was sober.

Your rights will be secure, Mr. Pickering, as long as we remain "one nation under God with liberty and justice for all."

The moment you take God out of that speech, Mr. Pickering, we�ll be after you, and won�t you wish that you�d left God alone when we get our hands on you! Of course, you probably won�t have the wits to realize that, since, like the rest of your kind, you might even believe in

Population control nonsense

Population control idiots

Right away you feel Mr. Hansen�s overwhelming Christlike love for his enemies.

might consider Zaire's meager population density of 39 people per square mile to be ideal while Hong Kong's population density of 427,501 people per square mile is problematic�

That depends on the type of land concerned and what resources it possesses, a concept that the FCFES seems unable or unwilling to grasp.

Planet Earth is loaded with room. We could put the world's entire population into the United States.

Yes, we could fit the population of Australia into Lake Michigan alone.

The entire U.S. population could move to Texas and each family of four would enjoy 2.9 acres of land.

Each family of four? My guess is that Mormons and Catholics might end up in Louisiana instead.

So-called overpopulation problems are really a result of socialistic government practices that reduce the capacity of people to educate, clothe, house and feed themselves.

And I�ll bet those socialist governments legalize birth control as well, a practice which makes people forget how to make sandwiches and put their socks on. In such a hellish regime, women even get the idea that they are somehow as good as men, a delusion spelled out in the article

Deception: The Religion of the Beast

The war between Christ's army of Christian Soldiers

Not to be confused with Christ�s army of Starship Troopers.

and Satan's army of Darkness and Deception

Who show their Deviousness and Deviltry by playing Dungeons and Dragons and eating Doritos and Donuts and spending Deutschmarks und Dirhams�

was confirmed on November 12, 1999 by Taslima Nasreen who took the floor during Commission V of the United Nation's UNESCO's General Conference� "[T]he state has to be secular, the religious laws have to be abolished to create uniform civil code in which women get equalities.�

To the FCFES, gender equality must be like a see-saw. As women go up, men come down, and the latter is a consummation devoutly to be avoided.

Politics and Religion are not, have not and cannot be separated.

In that case, Mr. Hansen and his followers have nothing to worry about. Why sound so worried and grim if the line between church and state has never existed?

Christ doesn't. Satan doesn't. This is the truth but Satan does not tell the truth.

How can we be sure of that? After all, you could be lying your head off; with God, all things are possible.

To believe that can be done is to be deceived and thereby embrace the Religion of the Beast and deceiveth your own heart.

Yea verily, and I sayeth unto thee that the sincerity of Sovereign Hansen�s proclamation proveth its evidence by his lapsething into Old King James speech. Believeth on him, all ye whose blood floweth red, white and blue, and he shall maketh thee as mad as he seemeth to be. By the way, I keep wondering why this little group doesn�t call itself the First Christian Fellowship of Eternal American Sovereignty, since they don�t seem to acknowledge anything outside their own country. The rest of the world has never had it so good.

Till next week, everyone!

QueenofSwords

Deadbeat

Wow.

Those people are just too damn scary. Once again, the lovely and talented Queen takes a bullet for our enjoyment.

Brilliant as always.

Foxfire

The Army of Darkness is coming, brothers and sisters! Verily, thou must ready thy divine boomsticks! Hail to the Almighty king, baby!

mecca777

:notworthy

Don't you ever get tired of ruling?

Novowels

Not that continuing their alliteration of nonsense isn't funny, but...

Satan's army of Darkness and Deception

...was just begging for a Bruce Campbell joke.

You have failed me, my Queen!

Queen of Swords

Who's Bruce Campbell?

ex-xian

How can you be a queen if you're not a Sovereign American?

Novowels

gasp! shock! horror!

He's a B-movie actor. Was in the movie "Army of Darkness" which is the ultimate cult b-movie classic.

ex-xian

The queen is mistaken. Out of curiosity, I looked up Article VII. It turns out we've been wrong the whole time. Jesus is mentioned in the Constitution, proving that America is, indeed, a xian nation.

Queen of Swords

Whoops, my bad. I looked up Article VII of the Amendments to the Constitution. I didn't realize that there were two Article VIIs. This is why I don't do too many political nutwatches : I'm not too conversant in the field.

Anyway, you'd think that if the Founding Fathers valued Jesus so highly, they would address him by name and put him in at least the second or third articles, if not the first.