lunachick

Because I don't want to shag anyone else's man. As debatable as my morals may appear, I still have them - and I draw the line at married men. I would not want my actions to cause anyone pain, and if I was actually in love with someone, I would be hurt if they played around on me - so married is totally out of the question.

(I appreciate I was being a bit silly with my post, but hey! sexual frustration does strange things to people. )

99Percent

But what if the married man is free to engage in sexual relationships? You would still not shag him?

lunachick

You mean in an open relationship, where his wife is willing, or even encouraging of extra-marital sex, or that he is separated but not divorced?

99Percent

Yes, as in an open relationship.

lunachick

Hmmm. I would have to make sure that the relationship was genuinely an open one (ie: the wife was not manipulated into an open marriage situation that she was not totally comfortable in). In a strong relationship that was open, I would even consider a threesome.
In fact, given the drought I've been in, I'd merrily attend a three day bonk fest orgy where anything goes!

You see, folks, pre-marital sex is not only okay, but essential to one's overall wellbeing. No sex means outrageous fantasies and a feeling of grumpiness. I say get your end away today!

*wanders off to break more crockery*

Edited: Because I can

[ October 21, 2002: Message edited by: lunachick ]</p>

Dark Jedi

I would have to second that.

dk

dk: So you don’t give the affects much thought, but are curious about the affects of a male pill.

dk: You know like putting a quarter in candy machine, as a means to an ends.


dk: Women get pregnant from sex, even premarital sex. Obviously you haven’t given it much thought.

Glory

Luvluv,



In my experience, having at least one member of the relationship that knows what they are doing makes everything go alot better. They can get through the awkward period much faster. Every new relationship is awkward in ways. The most experienced people in the world do not know each other well enough to please each other perfectly. Of course, people who have done it can at least tell each other what they want and what they like. They can also show each other their repetoires, as it were, and possibly teach each other some things.

Two virgins fumbling around is something most of us are quite happy to have behind us. If I had not had it on what I considered good authority that it would get better, I might have decided never to have sex again after the first time.

I really think people need to let go of their notions of what first times and wedding nights are suposed to be and look at the reality. Romance and "specialness" come with time and familliarity and growing together as a couple. There is a certain tantalising anticipation surrounding the first time with a specific person, but that is often illusory as well.

You have not adressed my first point. What happens when two people turn out to be incompatible? What if husband and wife end up liking different things? What if the one thing that gets one of them off is absolutely repulsive to the other? How is this a healthy marraige?



Do you think it's related to how often you might not have sex with her? I gotta tell you I think it's naive of you to assume that you can defer to someone elses preferances all the time with no resentment what so ever. Do we at least agree that resentment is realtionship cancer?



How is it solvable? There are alot of people who would really like to know.



It's a big problem for a lot of people.

Most relationships wether they are new dates are new marraiges, tend to start out fairly hot and heavy. This wanes as time goes on. The frequency of sex almost always changes over time wether or not the couple had sex prior to marraige. I do not buy that as a reason for waiting. If anything, it seems better to me to know before you get married what familliarity brings to the relationship.



I loved my former fiance. Marrying him would have been disastrous for both of us. One of the biggest reasons it would have been so bad is because of the sexual incompatibility. I wanted my husband to give me orgasms. I went out and found a man whom I not only loved but who gave me said orgasms. The time to find out that things are not happening in bed is BEFORE the wedding. Before making that lifetime commitment.



Why not skip sex with both of them and find someone who is both smart and good in bed? My central theme is not settling. Settling is bad for everybody. At its best marraige is often difficult. Couples need every advantage they can get if they are going to make it work and both be happy. Settling is not the way to go.



How do these ladies' husbands feel about their wives not wanting to have sex with them? I know most of the men I know would be very unhappy. I would think they would feel rejected, forsaken, used, betrayed and just plain pissed off. Wake up. Marraige is a sexual relationship. Most religious people recognise that a marraige without sex is not a marraige. The Catholic church grants anullments if a marraige has not been consumated. The Bible states that the only sexual realtionship allowed is one in a marraige. Those individuals who have low sex drives are so few and far between they can not be counted in this discussion. You cannot refute a trend with one exception. People like sex and to say it isn't that important is just plain silly.

Virtually every human endeaver has been centered around having sex, getting sex, making sex better, or making people want to have sex. Money, power, and glory(not an intended reference to my screen name) are tools for the procurement of sex. Sex is the most compelling urge we have. Ignore it at your peril.

Glory

Glory

I take steroids for my asthma. For birthcontrol I use an IUD and it's great. Incurable STD's are clearly scary and high on the "life sucks" meter. What's your point? I have not had or wanted any abortions so I can't speak to that. I am not infertile so I guess that's another bullet dodged. Again, what's your point? Absentee fathers are scum. All the more reason to use birth control wouldn't you say?



People use each other all the time. Sometimes it's horrible and sometimes it's just what the doctor ordered. Sex is about individuals, not generalisations.

Yes, I would. The father of my child is my husband and I trust him. He trusts me as well. If he doesn't trust me about something so important, that indicates a BIG problem.

Would you be upset if the mother of your child asked you to sign an agreement stating the amount of money you will spend on the rearing of your child throughout his lifetime?

If I don't trust someone, I don't sleep with them.

Glory

[ October 22, 2002: Message edited by: Glory ]</p>

lunachick

I'm with everything Glory said.

GLORY: <img src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" border="0" alt="[Not Worthy]" />