Glory

The point is that if people aren't on the same page about what they want and expect from a marraige the marraige will be rocky at best.

Sex is a big part of marraige. Without it, you have nothing more than a financial agreement. Now I have some radical ideas about marraige. I think at it's core it is a financial agreement as far as the law is concerned. Most of us consider it alot more than that, though. Don't kid yourself. Sex is bedrock for marraige.

Glory

dangin

Shallow? that is so insulting. Sex is life, maybe not to you, and I don't personally know you, you could have a naturally low sex drive, or you could have a screwed up nugget(usually[but not always] mommy did it) I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that your low sex drive is a natural combination of the genes you got.

If you engage in a relationship with a person who wants daily or every other day sex, you are doomed, they are doomed, everybody is doomed. You need to be absolutely clear to anyone you are entertaining a serious relationship with that you only want sex once every ____ days. Be that number 5 or 50. It is only fair to them.

And then you need to read "The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature". This won't make you want more sex, but at least it will keep you from saying incredibly ignorant things like "don't make sex such a big deal".

tronvillain

Yes. We don't make sex such a big deal, it just is a big deal to most of us.

ManM

jasonpiao,
But that is just the thing... I desire a relationship where physical intimacy is not necessary to keep that relationship strong. I feel like I am at my most 'real' and natural state when I am outside watching the sun set over the Gulf of Mexico and feeding the hungry squirrels some walnuts. My fondest memory of my high school sweetheart is not when we were making out on the couch, but is of the time we were at the pond throwing bread to the ducks and chasing after each other on the beach.

Now I am not trying to push the other extreme where there is no intimacy at all. I simply think it is very dangerous to place sex at the foundation of a relationship.

Furthermore, assuming I can keep my wits about me, I'm not even going to know if my spouse in sexually incompatible with me. I will have no one to compare her with!

Intensity,
Yes, it most certainly can, but I'm saying it should not.

Ab_Normal,
Yea, I caught that. But how do rebels like us explain that there are greater things in life then that to which everyone else is addicted?

tronvillain

*shrugs* My fondest memory of my university sweetheart is lying naked next to her and holding her naked body next to mine. Physical intimacy is extremely important to me, but I will not call myself "addicted" simply because it is not important to you.

livius drusus

Condescend much?

There is little more irritating than a virgin pontificating on sex.

Ab_Normal

I don't think of it that way. But I've had fourteen (and a half) years of marriage to a very happy hedonist to help me adjust. Just as I can't increase my libido by sheer force of will, my husband can't decrease his.

I think tronvillain put it well:

dangin

OK, addiction huh?

My apologies to anyone who has seen this before.

ManM you are the product of millions of generations of sex. The only thing all of your direct ancestors have in common is that the successfully bred something that grew to successfully breed. Everyone in the past who failed to breed is not represented today. Gee, is it an addiction or the basic stuff of life?

Evolution is shaped by sex. Men are bigger, women are smaller, men seek multiple partners, women seek the best partners(which also means multiple more often than not), sex allows for mixing genes, which means that one disease, one climate change, one mutation cannot kill us off. If it weren't for sex, we would NOT evolve.

There are even those who argue that the only reason we got as smart as we have is because it helps us win sex. (I agree) Brains equal desireable mates, because they imply desireable genes.

We recognize beauty today, because the stereotypical idea of beauty is what our reptillian brains recognize as "very fertile", it just goes on and on.

And since you condescended so readily to myself, and everyone else here who realizes the realities of sex, I'll condescend a little to you.

Your reduced sex drive is mother nature's way of telling you that she doesn't want your genes in the next generation. I would suggest that you listen to her, but I think you've got that covered all ready.

Deacon

I'm addicted alright. Anyone no where I can score some sweet ass poon tang? I need a fix man...

frostymama

It is so amusing when unmarried virgins try to lecture the rest of the world on the ins and outs of married sex.

Sex is important to a healthy marriage. As a person who DID wait to have sex with my husband until my wedding night (although neither of us were virgins)... I seriously regret NOT having pre-marital sex with him.