js_africanus

It might be worth noting that the average guy ain't too bright. It might also be worth noting that sometimes the sophomoric and crude methods of wooing a woman actually do work. Put those things together and, well, what can you expect. It's nice to see that somebody is out there doing a good job of it. Kudos to those guys.

Yep, it's a real heart-breaker. I guess I just don't come from the school of thought that men's feelings are meaningless toys to be played with by any woman who cares to do so. Obviously, you feel differently. C'est la guerre.

Enai

So, does that mean that only strippers are entitled to the basic right of not being touched against their will by strangers?

Enai

Shadowy Man

No... it's ok to leave the house. That's what burkas are for.

LianaLi

You obviously have me mistaken for my sister.


This happens more times than I really want to count, in equally countless variations. I really hate the ones that start playing it off to make you look like the bitch for holding out. Like:

Guy: Aww, how come you don't want to drink? It's on me.
Girl: I just don't drink, personal thing.
Guy: What, you're too good to drink with us? C'mon, don't be such a bitch.

Fucking pisses me off.

I concur, but it's really, really hard to do. I've lost track of the mistakes I've had to make, before I started turning down guys nicely. Like the time I flirted with this guy at freshman orientation, only to figure out later that he was majorly interested, and I was decidedly taken. I was talking about how to tell him I had a boyfriend, when he walked by. Whoops! Repeat this theme ad nauseam. Vary taken status with not interested.

Although, I find that turning a guy down works well, when you don't make the rejection about their approach, or about him, but about yourself. An example of this occured recently at work, when a customer walked up and joked around and chatted with me. After a few pleasantries, he asked if I wanted to go out sometime. I told him, not this time, because I had just broken up with my exboyfriend, and it was still a sore point with me. Which is partially true. I wonder how long I can use that excuse. Anyways, the guy said that was the nicest letdown he'd ever had, and walked away smiling.

Even if there's nothing wrong, lie, and make sometime up on the spot. It's a damn sight better than having a rude encounter mar your night out. Play the "maybe another time" card if you have to, and if you say it often enough, the guy will get the clue that maybe another time is another way of saying no.

I hate confrontations, and will go to great lengths to avoid the bitch/tease scenario. But that doesn't mean I'm going to roll over and fuck, because some guy thinks being nice means I'm going to fuck them.

-Liana

Loren Pechtel

Yes, you did--you played the game which implied that you were in the game. I would treat your reaction (not that the bar scene interests me one bit, nor am I in the market in the first place) as married but interested in fooling around.

Derec

Not at all, just you.
No, seriously, my reply was for this particular situation, so do not generalize. And I used the language of "feeling bad" because you used it in the original question.

Quote:

Anyway, who's to say I was leading him on? He didn't tell me what he wanted, I didn't tell him what I wanted.

You accepted the drink which is a fairly universal signal.
And judging from resposes I am not the only one that feels that way. So there ...

UMoC

godfry n. glad

Accepting a drink is a universal signal for...what?

I've always considered it to be a signal that the other (be they male or female) are willing to continue the conversation, not acquiesce to a roll in the hay. C'mon, guys!

I've bought drinks for women and then found that, during the course of the ensuing conversation, I was NOT interested. After the drink was finished, I said thank you and moved on, regardless of how "inviting" the woman was.

Accepting a drink does not mean she's in estrus. It might mean she's broke, or just friendly and wants company.

Criminy, guys....Get a grip!

godfry

(who hasn't been trolling in bars for over 25 years...so his opinion can be taken with a grain of salt.)

Hedwig

And this is why I go to gay clubs (where, I might add, I get plenty of drinks bought for me with obviously no underlying motives.)

Seriously, guys...I can relate to the frustration of trying to chat up people since I tend to be more aggressive...but wearing a ring is a pretty good indicator that you're not going to get any.

I personally have no problem being fairly direct that I'm not interested in a guy...but only because I have no problem with being called a bitch or a dyke. If he has to act that immature because I don't want to hook up with him, then he can go fuck himself.

cheetah

I played a game because I didn't state information that was never requested of me. wow, how could I accidentally get myself into a mess like that? That makes so much sense!

Maybe I was playing a different game. A game where I see if I can get him into a conversation (as opposed to the game he was purportedly playing to get me into bed).

Graeme

I think the above very much depends on what kind of a bar you're in. If you're in a 'neighbourhood pub' style place then I'd say it applies.

If you're in a downtown nightclub on the other hand, it's probably not that applicable.