ju'iblex

Ok, for those of you who don't know, I currently attend an all girls high school. I'm one of those strange ones who seems to know everyone and get along with everyone, of course, my reputation is the "cynical depressed atheist bluntly-honest girl". this reputation has never caused me problems <god bless australia> but now i have a dilemma.

Of course, knowing everyone and being friends with everyone, it's going to be inevitable that i know some good die-hard fundies. And of course, being the atheist, I'm inevitably going to get into religious debates with them, continuously. now these girls are really very nice people, god knows how they put up with me constantly making jesus-jokes and offending them, but they know it's all in good fun.

I was also diagnosed with severe depression a couple of months ago, and because this is my final year in school, the ramifications of this regarding tests and the like is really quite noticable and obvious, so there are very few people who aren't aware of this really.

Anyway, on to the point. I'm always asking them questions about what they believe <I've always been an atheist, so i can't comprehend theism>, biblical discrepancies, evolution, all that jazz. One of them has taken this to be "Tell me more about your lord god saviour, jesus christ". so she has written me this 6 page long letter about her struggle with depression <very personal stuff> and how god has helped, and how she wants to help me. ordinarily I'd brush this off as typical proselytising, but alas, I really do know that she is genuinely trying to help.

So on one hand, we have the girl who's doing something really quite sweet in trying to help me by offering the method which got her out of depression, and on the other, it's really quite insulting sometimes in the preaching aspect of it.

I need to try and find something to say "thanks, but no thanks, i don't think your method can help me, but i still want to be able to ask questions". and I'm not really terribly good at it. If anyone has some advice on how to deal with this better, or how you did it, I'm dying to know.

Utnapishtim

I have had such things occur in the past. Usually I simply thank the person for caring enough to try to help, and that I really appreciate the thought. Then I say that I am just not going to try the religious route because it is simply not who I am. The person I said this to understood and didn't take offense. I would advise writing her a letter. That way you can plan what you want to say and make sure the wrong thing doesn't slip out. Plus people like the personal touch of a handwritten letter. Try it out.

scarmig

Why not say, "It's really quite sweet how you're trying to help me by offering the method which got you out of depression. But it's really quite insulting sometimes in the preaching aspect of it."

Can't go wrong with honesty.

Mister Impossible

I wouldn't use the 'insulting' part, to be honest. The girl was probably sincere in her gesture and meant no offence at all.

Why not just thank her, say it was very good of her to go to so much trouble on your behalf, even comment how you found it a fascinating read but, at the end of the day, it's just not your 'thing'.

You never know, she migh appreciate your honesty and share some of her oher experiences of coping with depression which don't involve religion.

Hope all goes well for you, ju'blex. There's really nothing you can't sort out in the end. Just stick at it.

Have fun.

fried beef sandwich

Hmmm... that actually sounds OK right off the bat.

Or how about, "Thanks for taking the time to write me the letter, and I appreciate your concern. I know you mean well, but I just wanted to clarify that my depression and my atheism are two separate issues that I try not to conflate. The first is an emotional/medical/biological/chemical [i dunno, your choice of words here] issue. My recent curiosity about Christianity is just that - I'm just curious as to how the Christian mind thinks. I am, however, quite happy where I am with my atheism. Again, thanks again for your concern for me I appreciate the goodwill in which your letter was given."

Uh, maybe unnecessarily formal, but whatever.

[edit] She might press the issue further with "no, don't you see? you're depressed BECAUSE you're an atheist" but don't sweat it until it actually happens... then you can post again and we can help you draft even more letters!

Shake

I'm with fried beef sandwich on this. It sounds as though it must be a somewhat small school if everyone more or less knows everybody and what they're like. You said you're the "cynical depressed atheist bluntly-honest girl," so use that to your advantage. You can say something like, "You know I'm not one to talk around an issue, so believe me when I say I'm touched by your offer of help. I want to keep the communication lines open, but I feel the religion issue might be a barrier." What I'm getting at is that (IMHO) you should really emphasize your sincerity about her offer of help, while politely declining the religious aspect of it. You might even say that you don't want to cause trouble over it and that's why you'd rather not push that issue.

(((((((ju'iblex)))))))

wish a hug was all it would take to make things better for you! (and that I could actually deliver one in person)

Belle

Hi sweetie! This is a sticky situation. Yes she was preaching but she was also trying to share her path to a stronger spirituality and happier life with you. She was trying to connect with you and show you she cares. So few of us do that. Accept her offer of caring with grace.
I suppose you don't really owe her an explanation of why her religion isn't yours. However, you could try a nice hug and make sure you tell her how much her thoughtfullness ment to you. You may end up with a very good friend. You could end up with a physco stalker too. You don't have to allow yourself to be brain washed but you can take the goodness and kindness she'soffered and cherish that part & try not to resent her too much for allowing herself to be brainwashed.

Jesus Tap-Dancin' Christ

My personal advice--tell her that you are touched about her caring, and talk with her about what she's felt and what you feel. Ignore the religous stuff when you can, and be extrememly gentle if you can't. She's the closest thing to a mirror you have (though a distorted one), and talking to mirrors really helps--even if they talk back.

Maybe you can get her in the sack too.