Chicken Girl

brighid was not talking about just merely "checking someone out", if you'll recall, this is what she said:

he wasn't just checking the other girl out, he was full-on ogling another girl in front of his date, don't you think that's a little rude?

Godless Dave

I think Buddrow's point was that, in civilized society, it is never OK for a man to hit a woman. If a man were to slap his girlfriend for flirting with another man, he would be the bad guy (and rightly so) and possibly go to jail. Brighid described a solid punch to the gut. This speaks to the attitude that "he's a guy, he can take it", which is a big problem for those men who are legitimate victims of domestic violence, whether from parents or male or female partners. Sure, in most cases the girlfriend is smaller and weaker than her boyfriend and a playful hit is not going to hurt him. But that doesn't make it OK IMO. And in Brighid's case, we know she is in excellent physical shape and is trained in the martial arts.

Sorry to answer for Buddrow, but this is an issue I care about. I have dated a couple girls who thought it was OK to slap me or punch my arm and it really bothered me.

But this could be a separate thread. Liana has a legitimate issue here. Attractive women do get a lot of attention from men, more than really attractive guys I think*, resulting in specific problems of social interaction and safety.


*I'd like to get Jacey's input on this thread.

Majestyk

I was sympathetic to your plight up to this point. However we are no longer talking about appearance but behavior. And your behavior towards people, just like everyone else's, is intended to elicit a particular response.

The "I can't stop from doing it" defense only indicates that the real problem, in my opinion, is yours. Your not alone in having this type of problem nor is it solely a women's issue.

If, you don't like the end result then, change. If, you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting. Refuse to change and you can assume that you enjoy what you are getting or fear not getting it.

Good luck.

Buddrow_Wilson

Yes, that was my point. Its rediculous to think its ok to physically assault someone, no matter how much ogling was done. If you are going to hit someone, you should not be surprised if you get hit back, but many women today seem to think its ok to hit a man without any repercussions. Even when done "playfully", I am not comfortable with it.

But I am not here to hijack the thread, so continue on with the plight of the beautiful people hehe

Majestyk

I kinda like it, myself. It's like an invitation to wrestle.

So long as there are no face or groin shots, I'd much prefer it to dealing with a pouter.

LianaLi

I actually have tried it. I successfully convinced another guy that I was not a flirt whatsoever, and it was one of the more stressful and painful things I've done in my life. I'm trying to think of the best way to convey this. Somme people here might remember by little fun experience with the TA in one of my classes. Needless to say, I was attracted to him, and when the semester ended, I found out it was mutual. Not wanting to besmirch his or my morals and ethics, I completely and utterly tamped down any sort of flirty behaviour that might have called our ethics into quesiton- namely, my grades. I'm happy to say, I missed many meals, lost lots of sleep, cursed excel, and otherwise did the hard work to get those high marks on my lab reports.

On the flip side of that coin, I spent way too much time going "I wonder what he'll think if..." I hate having to worry about my responses like that. Drives me batty. I didn't make sarcastic remarks, because they're too often interpreted as flirty in my experience. No jokes, because my sense of humor runs to the sexual, and that too often gets misinterpreted as interest. As one friend put it, "Where is Liana, and what have you done with her?" when she saw me interacting with the TA that semester. What I'm trying to do, and what I've been trying to do is try to find a balance between outgoing behaviour while not seeming to express more interest that I mean. Previously, it felt like I could have gotten away with that bevahiour, because I wore glasses, and wasn't commonly percieved as attractive. Now, I spend a few too many minutes talking to a guy, and boom! I'm interested in them. Ugh. Yes, I guess the solution to that is to say "I enjoy your company, but I'm not interested in a relationship right now."

Oddly enough, right now, that's quite true.

-Liana

Majestyk

Ah. I understand, now. People who grew up being at the upper scale of attractiveness and those on the other end, do not appreciate the realities of the other's social interactions. So when, a person moves from one section of the scale to another, they have to adjust to people treating them differently.

Your options are still basically the same, though:

1. Change your appearance or behavior.

2. Accept promiscuity or being thought of as a tease.

Sorry, I've no easy answer. Learn as you go and hope that things don't get out of hand. Experience is the best teacher. You're young, you'll adjust. ...That's all the clich�s that I can think of.

btw, my favorite women have always been those that "blossomed" late.

Viti

This happened to me...I was an ugly kid, but I was smart...so was identified by others and identified myself as "intelligent". My brother was (and still is) beautiful, he was a strking child and is striking now...so he was the cute one and I was the smart one (though he is so smart is scares me, he didn't focus on books like I did, he focused on creative arts).

I didn't "blossom" phsyically until I was in high school...but I went to a tiny school in a tiny town. People's perception of me had been set in their minds and I had few people ask me on dates or approach me that were in my own age group. When I got my car and started meeting people my age from the nearby city, I was shocked that I was thought of as attractive...and then found a negative about that perception.

People who find me attractive assume I am stupid. To this day, I have a difficult time being taken seriously as a business person or intellectual equal. I try to use it to my advantage in the types of business dealings where it is beneficial to be underestimated like contract negotiations. But in trying to gain the confidence with customers face to face (at trade shows and conventions) many people I get along famously with via phone are palpably colder in person.

brighid

I don't entirely disagree. It was certainly not a shining moment in my dating life and I can't say that I have ever done it again. He was a Marine and he could take it ... but you are both right and I appreciate the perspective. Rest assured that the only men who have ever received any "roughing up" have either been in the do jang, or made clear intentions to assault me or another women (beside this one instance.)

Brighid

Buddrow_Wilson

OK label me ignorant: What does "do Jang" mean?