WinAce

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...glance&s=books

Reviewer: hayduke66 (see more about me) from Terra Incognita

As someone who has read several versions of this so-called "great" book, including The Book, King James Version and NIV, I laugh that now that another hip version is finally ready for generation X. Unfortunately, no matter how hip the language or how carefully controversial subjects are glossed over or omitted completely, the same trite guilt-inspired message is immanent throughout. I have read the Bible both as a child and as an adult; I have to say that it is one of the most contradictory, melodramatic and most poorly written works ever produced. While, early on the plot is interesting despite its painfully simplistic retelling of Sumerian, Egyptian, Greek and Chinese mythology, it quickly devolves into unremitting tedium and gratuitous violence.
On the one hand the reader is faced with the daunting task of plowing through pages of genealogical chronicle "as so and so begat so and so" seemingly repeated ad nauseum, interspersed between accounts of the supernatural protagonist's attempts to manipulate and coerce his human guinea pigs to do nothing but worship him. Talk about an egotistical megalomaniac, this God character makes Narcissis look modest by compare. And just when you think God couldn't get any more childish he goes so far as too bring forth a great flood as a last resort, in an attempt to kill all but the most loyal slave, but is undone, in the end, by the seemingly ubiquitous apostate (or bad seed, for the uneducated. Following this desperate attempt to regain control over his minions God's muddled plan quickly spirals out of control, eventually leading to countless storms of fire & brimstone, plagues and pestilence, slaughter and war, which finally crescendos in his hackneyed threat to destroy everything and lock everyone up in one of two prisons (heaven and hell) constructed specifically for the purpose. Eventually, the humans in the story get so tired of God's megalomania and increasingly violent behavior, they lure him to Earth-he transmutates into a man like Zeus was apt to do, and taking a page out of God's own book, humiliate, torture and finally kill him.
However, with a twist right out of the most melodramatic of Victorian Novels, a la Wilkie Collins, it turns out that God had simply transformed himself to human form for the purpose of getting himself killed and afterward returns to his metaphysical abode unscathed-yeah that's the ticket. At this point the plot devolves into what amounts to a confusing, if not, altogether incomprehensible descent into gibberish, which is expressed in the form of fantastic apocalyptic dreams, visions and ramblings that rival the most bizarre opium induced visions of Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Comte de Lautr�amont and Aleister Crowley.
For all its artificial solemnity and piousness the Bible fails miserably in inspiring anything but a distressing ennui, except in the most simple-minded and disturbed of readers. Its fundamental ideas are the absurdest fancy, a world turned upside down, a mythological buffoonery, its contents being the hollowest and most senseless display of words ever lapped up by mindless rabble, while its presentation being the most repulsive and nonsensical gibberish, recalling the rantings of a bedlamite. While some steadfastly claim that this book provides solace and peace, I could not find any. Instead, what I did find was an almost unending parade of debauchery, destruction, brutality, and death. All in all, this book is a horrible horror novel, which incoherently rehashes themes better left to Stephen King and H.P. Lovecraft. Finally, I offer a closing warning in regards to the reading of this work: the bible has been known to cause confusion, self-loathing, feelings of worthlessness, erratic behavior, delusions of grandeur and extreme violence in its readers--so precede only if in sound mental health. However, if you don't get around to reading it you are not missing much and will probably be a lot better off and happy for it anyway.

faust

impressive!

I think i've seen something along the lines of this like "nice setting, but incoherent plot, drags in places, ending is a letdown."

of course this guy was quite the wordsmith. i bow to him
:notworthy:

Godot

Clicking on the link to see what other reviews this guy has made came up with the following:
Finally a reprieve from the unremitting boredom of the Bible June 5, 2003
Wow, I really have to say--this is one Cliffs Notes that I can appreciate. It actually has a purpose. This is the perfect book for those of us who are forced by parents and sunday school teachers to read the Bible on penalty of everlasting suffering and torment. I wish this was available when I was growing up...it is the perfect tool to decieve those that would try to force us to read the incomphrensible gibberish that is the Bible. And frankly rounding out at just under 100 pages, I can say that this is about as much of the Bible that I can bear. Easy to read and understand and without the mind-altering, brainwashing side affects. A+, highly recommended!!!



:notworthy :notworthy

Deadbeat

Heh, from another review of the same book, this one from a Christian complaining about the liberal use of paraphrasing:

Damn it! Now the religionists are growing extra-sensory apparatus! How will the EAC ever prevail against such horrendous power?!?!

LymanLover

By developing our own extra sensory powers, or perhaps just giving them a good punch in the face.

BrotherMan

You ninny, there is no EAC. It's all some vast Christian conspiracy.

At least that's what we're supposed to be telling people.

Cheiron

Oh man, That has got to be one of the funniest things i have ever read, Whoever wrote that deserves a medal.

Monkeybot

Whoever wrote that: :notworthy

Fucking hilarious.

Defiant Heretic

Heh. Umm...actually, we're kind of responsible for that. It started out innocently enough; a few of the lab techies had a little too much to drink, and they decided to accelerate the testing schedule on the transmogrifier...

Opera Nut

And I'm sure several of the electronics nerds around here could build suitably impressive Tesla coils and jacob's ladders.............
..........vvvvvvvvvvvttt.......vrrrtttt.........vr rrrrrrttttttt...............

Bout a ten foot fork should do it and a neon sign transformer....