Jimmy Higgins

Now you know thats not true. Nature doesn't create pain, nor would it want to. What pain we feel physically is there to keep us from doing silly things to our body, such as amputating it.

Nobody in the history of the world has agreed to the death of even one person, including Jerry Lewis.
There are always people that have the same feelings as you do. They hide them as you do. They feel the pain and hide it inside. But they are there and they know how you feel.

You've had very tough experiences. Your mind is projecting crossed images. It is up to you to be able to uncross them. Your mind is in a world of confusion, but with thought, concentration, and help you can, and will overcome it.

Once again, this is a sign of your mind projecting images that are crossing boundaries. You see, humans all have the same thoughts. However, its the younger experiences that form the archetypes that our mind melds to these thoughts. This is how the brain works. All people have the same nightmares, they are just represented by different images, the message in the mind is the same. You aren't actually attracted to it. Your brain just doesn't have the images it should have properly been fed when you were younger, so it uses what it can find. You can defeat this!

Suicide is always a bad decision. Its too long-term. You can't undo it. Its a mistake that you can't reverse. Everyone has something to offer to society. There will be younger people, when grow older that will feel as you do now. You will know that there is light at the end of that tunnel. You can share that with them. Life is too unpredictable to be able to foresee continued pain.

We are who we are. Work on what you can. I'm not too proud of my face, but that won't change anything. I sculpt what I can. I race triathlon. My body is quite nice. You shouldn't peer endlessly at what you can't really control. It would be like fearing death at every corner. Touch and effect that which is within your grasp. Your body, your mind, your spirituality.

Less a theory than it is an all out fact! Your archetypal images have been corrupted by others. Don't let others destine your future's mind! You can control your thoughts. It takes time and it takes help, but you are your own maker. You can and will overcome.

Your shadow projection is what controls this. Once again, your experience is what holds this ideal. This can change.

They never count. They want whoever they aren't to be non-existent. Being free of god is what allows you to openly accept all.

I don't know your parents, however, I'm quite sure that they want the best for you, but just don't know how to help you. They've probably have tried, but just can't break through. Unless your parents are rare monsters, they do care greatly for you. They just wish they could show it. Just remember that they feel terrible not knowing how to show their loving feelings for you.

Life is too wonderful to let end. You need help to table all of your feelings, your thoughts, and your experiences and organize them. Inspect them. Explain them. You need a really good psychologist who you can speak with very openly, so they can help explain to you the very reasons you feel the way you do. Over a period of time, you'll be able to stop having your mind cross over experiences with desires and you'll find plenty of warmth and greatness.

Chicken Girl

yes.

sweep

this might seem negative but, you're not that important. Some people are more concerned about what you think about them than the other way around. Sometimes people will be laughing at you, or criticising, but that says more about their own state of mind. People laugh at me, but that's what makes life more fun. Some of these people are friends, and sometimes being a fool can even be attractive. Who wants someone who is totally cool and perfect. I like quirky, I like the unusual, not the person who is aloof and neat, and 'too good for you'.

I think that the main problem is that you expect negative reactions from other people. That in turn causes you to act guilty, and you project those feelings upon others. They read your guilt, and act accordingly. So this process is interactive. People don't all think like you. There are innocent (perhaps naive if you're cynical) people out there who don't look for all the shit that you see inside of yourself. I tell you this because you're not alone. I know what it feels like to be guilty, but, as you grow older, it won't matter anymore.

It seems like the bad is part of reality, but it has become a demand characteristic. This means that others expect you to be guilty, and that's how they know what you're about. That might be because they're afraid of your world, but I think it does have a lot to do with the way you are around them. It's a vicious cycle, and not an easy one to get out of. This is going to take time to work itself out. In the meantime, maybe you could find other circles and recreate your persona, being in the situation, rather than constantly analysing the potential that you create for others to notice the wrong that you perpetuate. History is history, but at the moment it controls you. You don't need that anymore. Let go of your guilt.

It looks as though you're getting paranoid, in which case, you might, as others have suggested, need to see a psychiatrist. Otherwise, you're just mistaking others reactions as belonging to your own personal hell, when in reality, they're just getting on with it. If I'm not interested in someone I look at something else. I'm never looking out for someone to demean, or to look down upon, because everyone, past the reason is basically the same animal, with the same feelings.

I understand this, and you no longer want this hell. If you don't then, as I've said, look at the good in others don't look at the bad, which is really only a reflection of the bad you see in yourself. Stop listening to to your mind; our thoughts usually betray us. My mind tells me lies. Be your own best friend, and others will too

Bree

What exactly is your purpose of posting questions like these?

If this is a not-so-subtle cry for help, then by all means say so.

Primordial Groove

Total, why do you have 3+ pseudonyms on this board? Is it because in your mind people did not agree with you so becoming someone else would add more creedence to your premises? I'm just curious because it seems to me you have absolutely zero self esteem alsong with a semblence of paranoid schizophrenia.

I'm not an expert but you really should talk to one. If funds are low or if you do not have insurance, most counties have public services that can provide you with help.

Good luck to you Total.

excreationist

Totalitarianist [/i]
If you grow then in a couple years, bullies wouldn't be much of a problem. Also, we instinctly get some pleasure from things like sweet, fatty and salty foods. (Not necessarily super-super-sweet or super-salty foods though)

You could see a doctor about it.

Don't bring much cash with you then... and learn self defence - and do lots of push-ups and sit-ups - and eat good meals (so that you don't stunt your growth or discourage muscle development).

You said the music was pleasant... so you are gaining some pleasure from it. That means you are becoming a little less depressed. Surely that is a good thing. Unless you are a masochist... in that case you should be happy you are making yourself feel guilty and don't worry about complaining. BTW, if you really are a masochist, why not do lots of push-ups and sit-ups as I suggested and go outside to see the world? Also, what is the philosophical justification for being depressed and bad about yourself? Lots of people in far worse situations than you are happy most or a lot of the time. How do you know that it is "right" for you to feel depressed? Can't you decide what is "right"? Why choose values that make you hopelessly depressed?

Why? Also, it would be pretty hard to become the next Stalin if you have that problem.

People only tease other people to make themselves feel better - they themselves feel insecure. You only have to feel offended if you choose to. Also, if you look very un-confident, people will treat you different than if you feel good about being you. You mightn't be able to change your face or your walk - well at least not instantly - so you can either feel depressed about it when you're teased or accept it.

It sounds like you're an "outsider"... if you make an effort to be more like normal people (like those here) then you'd have a more normal perspective about things...

You can see a counsellor or someone to help with that problem. And try and get some self-confidence in speaking to others so that you can actually go out of the house and visit the counsellor.

It is possible to like people who don't like you you know. If you hung around nursing homes or something there might be a lot of people who liked you (assuming you treated them nice) - that could be a start. Then that would help you feel more socially confident, and people feel more comfortable with those who are socially confident.

There are lots of caring people out there. You might need to change your thought patterns in order to find them... I suggest you see a counsellor and make a big effort to take them seriously. You should get a print-out of everything you've written in this thread and hand it to them. That way you wouldn't need to talk much. You can catch a bus if their place is too far away... or get a taxi or a ride with someone. It is fairly straight-forward really.

Sue Sponte

Total, you are an individual and each of us is different, but I can tell you that I've experienced the types of things you are expressing from a sibling of mine. I do not profess to be a psychiatrist, but I can tell you, at least anecdotally, that my sibling has lived a long and productive life since seeking medical attention and obtaining appropriate treatment. Given how you are currently feeling, it would seem a good thing to take a positive step and seek assistance. You will feel better in the process, if only for starting to take control of the situation. Odds are very good, however, that there are a number of steps that a medical practitioner can take to help you deal with these issues.

There are many families and individuals who have been through similar situations and turn their lives around. Please accept my sincere advice and visit a mental health practitioner. You can take control of the situation and turn your life in a different direction. Best of luck.

RoddyM

I still say that the last thing T needs is health tips and professional help from the kind of people I suspect he would despise. He's too far gone for that. He's trapped, or at least feels that he is. Cutesy suggestions are the very thing that drive him nuts.

I suggested that he be patient, yet was shitcanned for that. If he remains patient he will remain alive.

I suggested that he commit no crime (or act) that would cause him guilt. Thats OK, he is in charge of his own morals. It is also meant to suggest that he not deliberately commit a crime (or act) for the purpose of punishment.

People do that. They have serious guilt but have committed no crime worthy of punishment. They then go and commit a crime and when punished, privately
match that punishment to fit their previous imaginary or real for them crimes.