Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Sephiroth · 02-03-2003, 04:28 PM

Good luck.

jj · 02-03-2003, 05:08 PM

Your spouse's reaction and VP's spouse's reaction are really very scary.

Do they really think the same person has suddenly changed so much?

As I said to VP, take care of yourself, and protect yourself, FIRST. That way you can protect others who need it.

philechat · 02-03-2003, 07:41 PM

BG:

Heads up, and keep your dignity. Know that your friends and your husband are not acting respectfully at this point, so do not yield and try your best to stay calm.

Don't understand the behaviors of those Christians :banghead:. Perhaps it's pure and simple herd mentality, but it has always left me wondering ...

Shake · 02-04-2003, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by philechat
BG:

Heads up, and keep your dignity. Know that your friends and your husband are not acting respectfully at this point, so do not yield and try your best to stay calm.

Don't understand the behaviors of those Christians :banghead:. Perhaps it's pure and simple herd mentality, but it has always left me wondering ...

I'll second that, especially after reading you discuss how depressing the whole issue is. Know that we are all here for you, that somebody does care and that others have been through similar situations and come out OK. It's not easy, but it'll be worth it. Good luck! ((BG))

Godless Dave · 02-04-2003, 01:42 PM

I agree with the "herd mentality" sentiment. I think many insecure people try to boost their own self-esteem by rejecting other people. A lot of Christian denominations (and other religious sects) play into this by making their members feel like part of an elite group and giving them scapegoats to "cast out" and feel superior to. I don't know the details of your disownment but I suspect you may live in a community where rejecting non-conformists is used to enforce loyalty and affirm community identity. (Just about the only way to get disowned in my family would be to fight for the Confederacy in the Civil War).

BibleBelted · 02-04-2003, 02:41 PM

Good Grief! This is unbelievable. I'm also married to a true believer, and we had some rocky moments ... but nothing like this.

I've told several people of my de-conversion, I live in an extremely fundamentalist town ... and I've experienced nothing like what you are going through, BG.

In VP's case, I can understand one person being irrational, but an entire town??? What f***ing century are these people from?

I don't like to hand out advice on such a deeply personal level as this, but I'll just leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

Life is too short to spend it with assholes.

never been there · 02-04-2003, 07:02 PM

Hang in there, Blondie. Sounds like a rough ride.

I was reading your last few days' posts, and I'm thinking more and more how your husband's comments sound like someone who is desperately clinging to a faith that isn't particularly secure and needs you to validate his belief.

I suspect that challenging him on this would be a bad idea, or at least gambling everything for a win or a loss, but that's not a dynamic I really know. What do the ex-Xians have to say about this?

Maybe you can at least ask him not to force you to oppose Jesus, that you want to keep him (Jesus, I mean) as a friend and inspiration even if you can't have him as a god any more. There is more than one couple (or half-couple) on this board where the partner eventually followed into deconversion, but it took a gentle touch.

Your Wiccan friends may not be thrilled with skeptics (it's mutual!) but they should be supportive of any "seeker after truth". You need your supports in Real Live even if you can't vent the way you can here.

beth · 02-04-2003, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Godless Dave
I don't know the details of your disownment but I suspect you may live in a community where rejecting non-conformists is used to enforce loyalty and affirm community identity. (Just about the only way to get disowned in my family would be to fight for the Confederacy in the Civil War).

Well, religion had nothing to do with my disownment. My mother loved a pig who got a little too 'friendly' with me. There was a big blowout and she decided she no longer needed me in her life. Her words were, " I love you, but I no longer wish to speak to you. You have your own life and I have mine and you are no longer part of it." Mind you, it was said in a nastily sweet voice after she found out her last nasty confrontation with me had sent me to the hospital, that and my brother telling me she said I was nothing but worthless trash. I don't mind talking about my mother at all. She makes Joan Crawford look like a saint.

beth · 02-04-2003, 08:20 PM

My husband is now in denial. I just heard him tell his father we were all going to church this Sunday. I'll wait till Sunday morning to deal with this.

HelenM · 02-05-2003, 04:43 AM

blondegoddess, have you decided that you're not going to church any more, now your husband knows?

Sorry if you already wrote about this and I missed the post. This is a long thread and I admit I haven't read all of it...

It was very unkind of him to say that you were evil and brought a curse on his home - but then, people do tend to lose the ability to remain kind when they are upset/angry/scared.

Still though, I can't see how he reconciles such unkindness with all the passages in the Bible about how Christians are supposed to behave

(1 Cor 13; Gal 5:22-23 for Christian character in general and Eph 5:25-28 and 1 Peter 3:7 about how husbands are supposed to treat their wives)

take care
Helen

02-03-2003, 05:08 PM	#322
jj Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Redmond, Wa Posts: 937	This is scary Your spouse's reaction and VP's spouse's reaction are really very scary. Do they really think the same person has suddenly changed so much? As I said to VP, take care of yourself, and protect yourself, FIRST. That way you can protect others who need it.

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02-03-2003, 04:28 PM	#321
Sephiroth Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 625	Good luck.

02-03-2003, 07:41 PM	#323
philechat Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Mind of the Other Posts: 886	BG: Heads up, and keep your dignity. Know that your friends and your husband are not acting respectfully at this point, so do not yield and try your best to stay calm. Don't understand the behaviors of those Christians :banghead:. Perhaps it's pure and simple herd mentality, but it has always left me wondering ...

02-04-2003, 01:42 PM	#325
Godless Dave Contributor Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: With 10,000 lakes who needs a coast? Posts: 10,762	I agree with the "herd mentality" sentiment. I think many insecure people try to boost their own self-esteem by rejecting other people. A lot of Christian denominations (and other religious sects) play into this by making their members feel like part of an elite group and giving them scapegoats to "cast out" and feel superior to. I don't know the details of your disownment but I suspect you may live in a community where rejecting non-conformists is used to enforce loyalty and affirm community identity. (Just about the only way to get disowned in my family would be to fight for the Confederacy in the Civil War).

02-04-2003, 02:41 PM	#326
BibleBelted Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Oklahoma, USA Posts: 891	Good Grief! This is unbelievable. I'm also married to a true believer, and we had some rocky moments ... but nothing like this. I've told several people of my de-conversion, I live in an extremely fundamentalist town ... and I've experienced nothing like what you are going through, BG. In VP's case, I can understand one person being irrational, but an entire town??? What f***ing century are these people from? I don't like to hand out advice on such a deeply personal level as this, but I'll just leave you with one of my favorite quotes: Life is too short to spend it with assholes.

02-04-2003, 07:02 PM	#327
never been there Veteran Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Winnipeg, MB Posts: 2,144	Hang in there, Blondie. Sounds like a rough ride. I was reading your last few days' posts, and I'm thinking more and more how your husband's comments sound like someone who is desperately clinging to a faith that isn't particularly secure and needs you to validate his belief. I suspect that challenging him on this would be a bad idea, or at least gambling everything for a win or a loss, but that's not a dynamic I really know. What do the ex-Xians have to say about this? Maybe you can at least ask him not to force you to oppose Jesus, that you want to keep him (Jesus, I mean) as a friend and inspiration even if you can't have him as a god any more. There is more than one couple (or half-couple) on this board where the partner eventually followed into deconversion, but it took a gentle touch. Your Wiccan friends may not be thrilled with skeptics (it's mutual!) but they should be supportive of any "seeker after truth". You need your supports in Real Live even if you can't vent the way you can here.

02-04-2003, 08:20 PM	#329
beth Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: where orange blossoms bloom... Posts: 1,802	My husband is now in denial. I just heard him tell his father we were all going to church this Sunday. I'll wait till Sunday morning to deal with this.

02-05-2003, 04:43 AM	#330
HelenM Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Ill Posts: 6,577	blondegoddess, have you decided that you're not going to church any more, now your husband knows? Sorry if you already wrote about this and I missed the post. This is a long thread and I admit I haven't read all of it... It was very unkind of him to say that you were evil and brought a curse on his home - but then, people do tend to lose the ability to remain kind when they are upset/angry/scared. Still though, I can't see how he reconciles such unkindness with all the passages in the Bible about how Christians are supposed to behave (1 Cor 13; Gal 5:22-23 for Christian character in general and Eph 5:25-28 and 1 Peter 3:7 about how husbands are supposed to treat their wives) take care Helen

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