Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Toto · 07-14-2003, 12:53 AM

I got back to work over a month ago from my relatively trivial cataract surgery, and my boss called her two staff members into a meeting and announced that she was going on a "leave of absense" for 3 weeks. She had a wry smile, but didn't seem too concerned. We speculated about the reason - jail term? plastic surgery? family problems? I assumed that if it were medical she would just tell us.

Then another manager told me that my boss was actually having surgery for colon cancer. That was a shock. Then I told a mutual acquaintance of ours who knows her family well, and he told me that he knew, but that my boss had told him to keep it secret.

The surgery evidently went well, and the cancer had not spread, but the three weeks have been extended to seven. She will be back in the office in a few weeks. I would like to be supportive, but I don't know what to do. I don't even know for sure if I am supposed to know that she had cancer, or if we are all supposed to pretend we don't know. (That sounds too involved, but evidently she thinks it is embarrassing.)

Has anyone had experience with this sort of situation? Any ideas would be appreciated.

sakrilege · 07-14-2003, 03:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Toto
That sounds too involved, but evidently she thinks it is embarrassing.

If she really finds it embarrassing, I would focus on the present and the future. She's been away from work for 7 weeks, there's a lot to catch up on. Concentrate on helping her get back into the process, bring her up to date on what's been happening, let her know she's been missed. HTH

seebs · 07-14-2003, 09:42 AM

Well, I guess if you want to be nice, one option would be to try to respect her wishes, incoherent though they may seem.

Toto · 07-14-2003, 10:20 AM

I will try to respect her wishes, but there is only so long you can ignore the elephant in the living room. I expect she will still be somewhat fatigued and will look different.

I guess I was looking for some sort of floral arrangement that says "we know what you went through and we know you are embarrassed, but it's okay and we're glad you're back."

This woman has a lot of plants in her office, but plants seem to be a personal thing with her, so I don't know if a plant would be appropriate.

Or are there some things to avoid - some foods that will be off limits. I assume alcohol is not a good idea, since I think it is linked to colon cancer.

Belle · 07-14-2003, 02:36 PM

How about a nie card welcoming her back and include a nice gift certificate to a resturaunt or movie.

Toto · 07-14-2003, 04:21 PM

We have an office tradition of funny cards, and I don't know if those would be appropriate. We prefer to take people out to lunch rather than give them gift certificates.

Maybe the best thing would be to do nothing special, but that doesn't feel right.

Viti · 07-14-2003, 04:26 PM

I'll second Belle's suggestion. A "welcome Back we missed you" card and a plant if she likes them would be nice. I wouldn't necessarily mention what you have learned unless she does because it's hers to share or not share,

Kandeda Trefil · 07-14-2003, 06:28 PM

There may be 'way more to this than you now know. I found out only recently that fecal incontinence in older women is very common, but have you EVER heard one of them discuss it? Hell no! So give the poor woman a break. You can't do much for her. It's her body that will be calling the shots, and she may not yet know what those shots are. Email and telephones are good. Dropping by? Forget it! Experience talkin' here...

seebs · 07-14-2003, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Toto
We have an office tradition of funny cards, and I don't know if those would be appropriate. We prefer to take people out to lunch rather than give them gift certificates.

Maybe the best thing would be to do nothing special, but that doesn't feel right.

I see your point. Good luck working that out.

One option might be to offer to take her out to a restaurant or something as a welcome-back thing. Since she doesn't want you talking about what her problem was, focus on the message she probably won't mind - "we're glad you're back".

07-14-2003, 12:53 AM	#1
Toto Contributor Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Los Angeles area Posts: 40,549	What do you do for someone who has just had surgery for cancer? I got back to work over a month ago from my relatively trivial cataract surgery, and my boss called her two staff members into a meeting and announced that she was going on a "leave of absense" for 3 weeks. She had a wry smile, but didn't seem too concerned. We speculated about the reason - jail term? plastic surgery? family problems? I assumed that if it were medical she would just tell us. Then another manager told me that my boss was actually having surgery for colon cancer. That was a shock. Then I told a mutual acquaintance of ours who knows her family well, and he told me that he knew, but that my boss had told him to keep it secret. The surgery evidently went well, and the cancer had not spread, but the three weeks have been extended to seven. She will be back in the office in a few weeks. I would like to be supportive, but I don't know what to do. I don't even know for sure if I am supposed to know that she had cancer, or if we are all supposed to pretend we don't know. (That sounds too involved, but evidently she thinks it is embarrassing.) Has anyone had experience with this sort of situation? Any ideas would be appreciated.

07-14-2003, 02:36 PM	#5
Belle Regular Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 498	Re: What do you do for someone who has just had surgery for cancer? How about a nie card welcoming her back and include a nice gift certificate to a resturaunt or movie.

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07-14-2003, 09:42 AM	#3
seebs Contributor Join Date: May 2002 Location: Saint Paul, MN Posts: 24,524	Well, I guess if you want to be nice, one option would be to try to respect her wishes, incoherent though they may seem.

07-14-2003, 10:20 AM	#4
Toto Contributor Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Los Angeles area Posts: 40,549	I will try to respect her wishes, but there is only so long you can ignore the elephant in the living room. I expect she will still be somewhat fatigued and will look different. I guess I was looking for some sort of floral arrangement that says "we know what you went through and we know you are embarrassed, but it's okay and we're glad you're back." This woman has a lot of plants in her office, but plants seem to be a personal thing with her, so I don't know if a plant would be appropriate. Or are there some things to avoid - some foods that will be off limits. I assume alcohol is not a good idea, since I think it is linked to colon cancer.

07-14-2003, 04:21 PM	#6
Toto Contributor Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Los Angeles area Posts: 40,549	We have an office tradition of funny cards, and I don't know if those would be appropriate. We prefer to take people out to lunch rather than give them gift certificates. Maybe the best thing would be to do nothing special, but that doesn't feel right.

07-14-2003, 04:26 PM	#7
Viti Contributor Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Down South Posts: 12,879	I'll second Belle's suggestion. A "welcome Back we missed you" card and a plant if she likes them would be nice. I wouldn't necessarily mention what you have learned unless she does because it's hers to share or not share,

07-14-2003, 06:28 PM	#8
Kandeda Trefil Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Albion, CA Posts: 15	There may be 'way more to this than you now know. I found out only recently that fecal incontinence in older women is very common, but have you EVER heard one of them discuss it? Hell no! So give the poor woman a break. You can't do much for her. It's her body that will be calling the shots, and she may not yet know what those shots are. Email and telephones are good. Dropping by? Forget it! Experience talkin' here...

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