Loki

I've been having trouble with depression and mood stability and not breaking down when the boys (not my sons, even, just juvenile apartment mates) leave their refuse around the apartment, so I decided to seek out councelling and try and get the mess straightened out.

So I got it all set up and went yesterday, and everything was going well; just musing about what is going on and all that jazz, but at one point she brings up "spirituality." I sort of hesitated and said "no," which I thought would dismiss the topic, but she kept pressing me on it, trying to determine how I was raised, whether or not I'm practicing now, my thoughts and feelings on religion.

Is this normal? I thought the straight out "No" would have dismissed the subject and allowed us to move on to another one, and wasn't in the mood or comfortable talking about it (I'm pretty selective about with whom I discuss atheism). Or am I just being overly sensitive and paranoid?

Clarice

Definitely get a new therapist. Certainly there are plenty of people who specifically want a Christian or "spiritual" therapist, but obviously you don't want that. I would be very leery of this person, as it sounds like she will not be able to put aside her own superstitions and just treat you with "straight" therapy.

Also, who wants a therapist who can't even read less-than-subtle cues like, "No?"

(I easily found an excellent therapist who used cognitive therapy, and who never mentioned religion, spirituality, or anything. Keep looking, and you will find someone.)

Godless Dave

No, it's not normal. I've had three therapists and none has ever mentioned spirituality to me.

Loki

Ok, that makes me feel a little better in that I'm not being paranoid for no good reason. Everything else was fine, so I think if she brings it up again, I'll just politely and firmly say that I'm not interested in talking about it.

HelenM

I recommend against going to any therapist who presses you to discuss anything you firmly say you don't want to discuss. It suggests that the therapist's own agenda is more important than you - it's a very bad sign. It doesn't show much respect for you as a person and it implies that the therapist is rather inflexible.

I had a friend who quit a therapist who kept probing and probing her to discuss what was wrong with her parents, when as far as she was concerned there was nothing major. I think that was a good decision. Why pay money to spend time persuading your therapist out of his or her agenda? If you're educating them they should be paying you!

I wish you the best in finding a better therapist. I have one I like and I do find my sessions with him very helpful.

One thing you can do now, having learned from experience, is ask a prospective new therapist over the phone whether they will feel the need to discuss spirituality, before you actually spend any money on a session.

For what it's worth, it probably will take you a few sessions to start to feel comfortable with any therapist. But I think what you said is reason enough not to persist with this one.

Helen

Tom Sawyer

I agree that you may need a new therapist. I think her methods are fine, since for the majority of people, their perception of spiritual influences in their lives are important to them and a fundamental part of their mental health, so she's right to bring it up since it is probably often a major part of any treatment. If it's not foryou and she tries to use it, however, then it's just going to cause tension between the two of you and you won't get anything out of the therapy.

Viti

It's possible that she took your refusal to talk about it as a sign that spirituality is one of the underlying issues causing your problems and so may push the topic in an honest effort to help you. I recommend giving her another try and discuss it...tell her you're an atheist and if she has a prblem with that you will need to find a new therapist. You are paying her to help you, you should be able to tell her anything.

yguy

Insufficient information. I don't see a patent intent to convert you to any ideology. I'd ask her why she's asking. That said, I don't know how much good counseling will do if you feel constrained to hide your atheism. I'd just tell her you are, and that you don't care to discuss it beyond that. If she persists, say goodbye.

That said, perhaps the money spent on therapy would be better invested in finding better living quarters, with better roommates or none at all. If the agreement is that they will clean up after themselves, and they don't keep it, either they or you should leave. If you continue to let yourself be so ill used, you do both them and yourself a disservice.

SimplyAtheistic

I find therapy pointless. I had to go to therapy for a bit when my family was fighting all the time. The guy made such slow progress that it was painfully obvious he was trying to milk our family for as much money as possible. It seems to me that everything a therapist tells someone is common sense. And if you want someone to listen then find a friend, they are much cheaper.
Jake

girlwriter

Not true. They don't spend years in school busting thier asses to learn common sense. Becoming a therapist is a rigourous process, (a therapist, not a "counselor".) It sounds like maybe you had a less than professional therapist, or possibly you weren't really on board with it to begin with. Freinds are great when you just need to talk, but if you actually want to solve your problems, you need to work with someone who's unbiased, doesn't have an agenda for you and knows what s/he's doing. Friends will invariably give well-intentioned, but bad advice, encourage/enable unhealthy behavior, etc.

I agree that you should be straightforward with your therapist and tell her that you are an atheist. You need to find out directly her reasoning for pushing the issue. If it's because she has a religious agenda, get a new therapist, because she won't be able to help you if she thinks spirituality is necessary for healing. If it's just that she pecieved your unwillingness to talk about it as a sign that it is an issue, then she needs to know the truth in order to work with you. Maybe she can help you to feel more comfortable with being public with your atheism.

Good luck!