Viti

Just an idea...maybe what could also help is teaching kids that are not a part of a bully/victim relationship how to recognize it in others and help the situation.

My mother was/is a liberal activist and always told me to stand up for the underdog (opressed, abused, weaker, whatever). I protected a few victims and stopped a few bullies when I was in school though I never bullied or was bullied myself.

One of my proudest accomplishments follows...skip if you wish. My mother received a letter after I had graduated thanking her and I....I befriended her son, a small, kinda geeky genius who had suffered a nervous breakdown at age 9 after being bullied mercilessly. They had moved to our small town to get him into a new environment when he started high school. He was in my geometry class (which was a Sophomore class, so he was younger) and the teasing started immediately. So, I sat by him, introduced myself and my friend and talked to him.

My friend and I pulled those who had teased him aside after class and told them it wouldn't happen again or I would have them beaten bloody. It didn't. I made sure he and his friends were pictured in the "candids" of the yearbook which was usually reserved for jocks and cheerleaders, I went out of my way to say hello to him in the halls in front of others. He was never teased again at that small shithole fucking school, graduated Valedictorian of his class, and according to his mother, was like a new person. Sorry to brag but I have to pat myself on the back for this one every once in awhile.

Anyhoo, I notice my 5 year old niece also befriends the quieter, shyer and smaller kids (she's a big greagrious kid), and having a friend like her brings them out of their shells a bit. Couldn't we teach kids to be "anti-bullies"?

Edited but I still can't find a good synonym for "underdog" though I don't like that word either.

sweep

TO ALL PARENTS: TAKE HEED. SHARE THE WEALTH

nice one lady shea! I'll tell that to my kids.... if they ever happen

meritocrat

Another person seeking sympathy, huh?

Cipher44

Shouldn't have neglected this thread for so long. Oh well.

From you, no.

But that isn't what it's about, anyway. I'm not looking for sympathy, and I don't think anyone else is either. It's more about people with similar experiences venting and supporting one another, which is entirely different. Which reminds me - thanks to those who thanked me for my initial post.

I was simply laying down the facts about bullying as they apply to me personally. As I said perfectly clearly: it is not about whining about the past - it is about "conditioning." If one is berated and harassed and assaulted from almost all sides on a constant, daily basis, it's almost certainly going to fuck that person up.

Don't you get it yet?

...

Evidently not ...

I'm painfully sorry we cannot all live up to your mighty standards, meritocrat

You also hang yourself pretty effectively with that statement about it "depending on the personality." So, you're saying that some people will let it roll off their backs, while others will carry the baggage with them for the rest of their lives because that is the "personality type" they have? Refresh me - if someone has such a sensitive personality, does that make it okay to bully them? To build their character, perhaps? Thicken their skin?

As many have pointed out, bullying is not the same as teasing. I'm not going to break my fingers typing out my own long, drawn out explanation, because I don't think you're ever going to get it. All I can say is, you're entitled to your opinion, but it is an opinion that is obsolete. Even being as cynical as I am, I still believe that things are finally getting around to a point where bullying is seen as the damaging, unacceptable (and in some cases, criminal) behavior that it is.

(Just to add my quick two-cents about the "don't react/empowerment" discussion that went on; in some minor cases I'm sure it might work, but bullying can run a lot deeper. In my own situation, ignoring it was one of the first things I tried, and it was simply greeted as a challenge. The kid(s) simply kept raising the level of aggression to the point where I couldn't NOT respond. In other words, push hard enough and the victim has to crack sooner or later.

It's like everything else in this life - varies from case-to-case.)

Why not? Surely it would only "build character"

Pain Paien

I don't see why everyone is getting so worked up about meritocrat. All he's doing is admitting that he didn't deserve his blissful childhood. Since he hasn't in any way countered the point that the mild teasing he underwent wasn't real bullying, he is admitting never having been bullied.

Pair this with the fact that he's admitted he advocates bullying to make better human beings, and one reaches an easy conclusion. He wishes he were bullied. He understands that he's a bad person, and wishes someone could have allowed him to come to terms with this by degrading him in the severest matter possible. He wants to come to terms with his inferiority, but was tragically never given the opportunity to be abused thouroughly enough.

No one should bother trying to extend meritocrat's reasoning beyond him, as it is merely him trying to sort his own issues out.

meritocrat

Are you jealous that I was never bullied or something?

Quote:

Pair this with the fact that he's admitted he advocates bullying to make better human beings, and one reaches an easy conclusion. He wishes he were bullied. He understands that he's a bad person, and wishes someone could have allowed him to come to terms with this by degrading him in the severest matter possible. He wants to come to terms with his inferiority, but was tragically never given the opportunity to be abused thouroughly enough. No one should bother trying to extend meritocrat's reasoning beyond him, as it is merely him trying to sort his own issues out.

A good try at psychoanalysis, which has failed.

Opera Nut

Yeah, and Meritocrat probably thinks it's OK to tickle someone until they shriek and beg for mercy, or tease, slap or trip someone and then justify the abusive behavior by saying "Oh you're too sensitive" or "I was only kidding".

I dated a guy once, to my great regret, that watched tickling porn. No sex, just tickling. He didn't tickle me.

I ran off in stunned silence and never looked back.

Absolutely CREEPY.
TOTAL BULLSHIT.

winstonjen

Are you jealous that you were never bullied, so you didn't get a chance to 'gain character'?

Ah yes, denial. A classic symptom of a perfect diagnosis.

meritocrat

I already have character.

Quote:

Ah yes, denial. A classic symptom of a perfect diagnosis.

Well I'm mentally and emotionally healthy, unlike the people here who let bullying affect them years after the event.

Nowhere357

This statement seems stupid to me. People are negatively affected by physical and mental abuse - they don't "let" it affect them, it DOES affect them. Duh.

And what exactly is mentally and emotionally healthy about advocating hateful intolerant anti-social behavior?