Bible Humper

Heh, nothing wrong with this attitude, but your OP made it sound like you felt bad about them "being lead on".

For example:

Anyways, your new take on it is much better. No need to feel bad about playing the normal female role in the mating game

catalyst

I would have noticed the rings as well.

However, that being said, let us know as soon as possible. From a purely MCP point of view, it will allow us to quickly move on to greener pastures. I pretty much agree with everyone else who said that men are there for pretty much one reason, even though I do not go out to clubs any more.

I have absolutely no trouble with a woman being very blunt, but then I am not much for the playing games sort of thing.

Derec

Yes, I think you should feel bad. At the latest when he offers to buy you a drink you should inform him that you are not interested in anything other than conversation. You can still continue talking if he is interested in that but getting a guys time and free drinks on him while leading him on is wrong in my opinion.

UMoC

MasterJackass

I'd like to apologize for my rudeness earlier. From your second post it sounded more like you didn't mind leading men on as long as you got what you wanted. I think I agree with what tronville said. Incorporate your significant other into the conversation.

You: What kind of car do you drive?

Guy: toyota 4runner

You: oh cool. My husband loves toyota cars. He's been saving up to buy a pickup for his work. I was thinking about buying him one for his birthday

--------

Okay you get the idea. If the guy still doesn't get the clue after this point then too bad for him.

Sakpo

It would prevent him from wasting his time on you, but using that approach would also essentially guarantee all of his approaches to women would be futile, because (almost) no woman is going to respond well to that sort of approach. It's unfair to decide to lead on men unless they explicity state what they're obviously interested in, because that essentially means any guy with any tact is fair game to have his time wasted while crude fellows get sent on their merry way.

Bumble Bee Tuna

I have never hit the bar scene, but let's use some common sense here:

No, you shouldn't let a guy buy you drinks if you are in a relationship. It's ridiculous to do it and just write the guy off as someone you can waste the money of because he's "just looking for action". Guys at bars can be looking for a relationship, too. And there's nothing wrong with "just looking for action" anyway.

Buying drinks sends a clear and false signal to the guy.

So it is clear that you should refuse the drink and explain your situation. How should you do this? The first thing that comes to my mind is "I'd love for you to buy me a drink, but I should warn you I am in a relationship". But this is not a good idea. This will make the guy feel guilty- he either retracts his offer, and then feels bad because he now looks like one of those guys who is "just looking for action" and feels that stigma...OR, he still buys you the drink because he's too embarassed to retract the offer, and now you've used him for his money.

I also echo the sentiment that guys aren't going to bars looking to find good friends, they're looking for women to date or fuck. You shouldn't trick them.

-B

Bad Kitty

I agree with most of the other posters -- it is just nicer to find a tactful way to say up front that you aren't available. Then, if the guy still just wants to pursue some fun conversation and just "hang out", everything is on the up-and-up.

When a guy approaches me, I get that information right out front. Conversation usually goes like this:

Him: Hi, I'm Ted.

Me: Hi, I'm Michelle, nice to meet you -- wow, I have to say, you look just like my husband's brother, you wouldn't happen to be a long lost Roy would you?

Usually this goes very comfortably and with some nice laughs. I compliment the guy in a light way while also letting him know right upfront that I'm married. I used the same move when I was just dating.

js_africanus

Maybe the best thing to do would be to not accept the drink. "I know I'm rude for refusing a drink, but I'm spoken for and I don't think that it would be such a good idea."

Personal story: I was visiting some friends in Chicago and on the way between bars, I purchased one of those homeless news papers from a homeless guy. When we got to where we were going, I went to the bar to read some of it. I was approached by a woman who had seen me reading the paper and thought that no one should be reading alone in a bar. She invited me to sit with her and her friends. Then she stated quite clearly that I was not going to get lucky with her. I declined, telling her (truthfully) that I was with friends and that I just wanted to peruse this publication before going back to re-join them. Although I was a little taken aback about her bluntness regarding my odds of scoring with her, I ultimately did appreciate her candor and honesty.

There are a lot of different guys out there who will certainly react differently under the circumstances. Surely, there can be no single rule for saving people embarassment or inconvenience in all situations. But I tend to agree with those before me who suggest politely (and graciously) refusing the drink. That way the troller will know to move on. The novice will know that you are a safe person to practice flirting with--unavailable wome are so much easier to talk to. And the guy just looking for fun can still extend the offer because he's just looking for someone to talk & dance with.

cheetah

UMOC, of COURSE you think I should feel bad. Don't you generally always feel women should feel bad??

Anyway, who's to say I was leading him on? He didn't tell me what he wanted, I didn't tell him what I wanted. I don't see why you would insinuate the responsibility is solely mine. If he doesn't bother to ask if I am unavailable, he's taking a chance. It's not like I had some conspiracy, you know. He simply did not ask me and I did not find a way to work it into the convo. if he had wanted to be sure not to waste $$, he should have asked. And let me state that I never misled him by stating or intimating something false about myself.

Like I said earlier, I am willing to try to be nice and help men out, but they aren't innocent little creatures and do take a significant portion of responsibility on themselves when they approach someone, regarding the allocation of their own time or money.

cheetah

Why am I leading him on? Maybe he is leading ME on, pretending like he is just chatting or just wants a dance. I COULD guess that he wants more, but he could also guess, by the more concrete evidence of the ring on my hand, that he is taking a big chance that I will give him more. Many males seem to be acting on the belief that it is fair for me to acknowledge the man wants more, and totally unfair and misleading of me, actually, to not acknowledge this, even if it is not stated and even if, as is the way of some many men, they actively pretend that is NOT what they want, at the beginning of a convo. I use common sense, but again, the man takes resposnibility in this too.