Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Oxidizing Material · 08-07-2003, 12:32 AM

Today at work I wrote myself a play that I could produce. The title is the premise, World War Two shown in Five easy minutes.

Actors:

Andy H: Hitler, American General, Frenchman, German Soldier 1

Bert S: Himmler, Jew 1

Jason J: Emperor Hirohito

Jason V: Mussolini, German Soldier 2

Allison M: Japanese Skank

Mollie L: Jew 2, American Skank

Dennis S: DDay Soldier, Russian Soldier 1

Slavomir D: Pole

Justin B: Stalin, Russian Soldier 2

Joe K: German officer, American Ambassador

Entire 9th Grade: Hitler Jungend

Play

Scene 1- Hitler's Rise to Power

Hitler, American Ambassador and Stalin are sitting at a table. Hitler has a true villan's moustache, with a good evil curl to it.

Hitler: Ve are takink back Austria

American Ambassador: Fine

Hitler: UND! Die Sudetenland

Stalin: Fine. Just leave alone Poland, comrade.

Hitler: Oh, I vill...

The camera zooms in on Hitler's face. He twirls his moustache evilly while cackling. Evil music plays.

Scene 2- Invasion of Poland

There is a Pole sitting in a chair. There is a line drawn down the middle of the chair and on the floor. On the left side is a Soviet flag. On the right, a Nazi battle flag. The Pole is reading the paper, unaware that the German Officer has snuck in and fiendishly replaces the Soviet flag with he Nazi flag. He legs it, and the Pole slowly looks over his newspaper, uninterestly. He spots the new flag.

Pole: I am vanquished

He slumps over in his chair. Stalin runs in.

Stalin: Nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! Ziz iz warrrr!

Scene 3- Invasion of France

There is a frenchman standing in front of the Eiffel Tower with a cigarette in one hand, an arrogant look on his face, a beret, scarf and striped shirt.

Frenchman: Vat do I sink of ze America's? I sink zey are all stoo-peed! Stoopeed America's, avec zeyr stoopeed automobiles et showas. Who needs a showa? Not me! Zey ma-ek me ZICK! Pah too!

He spits on the ground. The German officer marches in.

Frenchman: Oh, a Germa'. Haven't seen you zince last week. Qu'est-ce qu-

The officer shoots the frenchman directly in the head and he drops like a fucking rock below the screen. A little white flag raises.

Frenchman: I surrender!

Scene 4: The Axis

Emperor Hirohito: Ah so, most honourabre Hitrer so velly evir indeed. Japan agrees most honourabry to defend youl nashon

Mussolini: Buta Hitlera, whata cana mya mena doa? Whacka thema ina theira sleepa?

Hitler: You leave zat to me...

The camera moves in on a closeup of Hitler while he curls his moustache evilly. The part he's twirlling falls off, but he twirls the other side. It falls off too, leaving him with that little part under his nose.

Hitler: Ach! Gottverdamned moustachen!

Scene 5- Hitler's Speech

Hitler is standing at a podium with Himmler standing behind him, looking down his nose to the people. Hitler screams himself red in the face, throwing his arms around dramatically and crossing them high on his chest whenever he finishes his sentence.

Hitler: DIE MACHEN BLITZKRIEGEN MIT SAUERHAUTEN IM SAUERKRAUTEN UM UNTER DER LINEN! DIE SNAKEN REUTEN HAFFEN IN GRASSEN MIT SASSENPFEFFER! ROOTEN TOOTEN GLUETEN ZOOTEN VERGOOTEN PLUETEN MUHGOOTEN FLOOTEN!

Hitler Jungend: Sieg heil! Sieg heil! Sieg heil!

Himmler politely claps while the kids throw their arms about in the standard salute.

Scene 6- WW2

A bunch of stock footage plays of soldiers of all sides fighting. It lasts about 30 seconds.

Scene 7- Behind the scenes

The two jews are standing in front of a closet labelled "'Showers'". They wear the yellow Juden star

Jew 1: I am a jew

Jew 2: As am I

They are shoved in the closet by the German Officer. He shuts the door and shouts "Gas!" He opens the door again, the two Jews laying on the ground now

Jew 1: Avenge me, Moses

Jew 2: A horrible stain on histoy's skirt will be forever remembered.

Mussolini wanders by and gets shot in the head for no particular reason.

Scene 8- DDay

Two German soldiers are sitting on a beach. They point in horror at something by the water off camera.

German Soldier1: Ach! Die Allies are komink!

German Soldier2: Neeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiin!

Cut to the lone American soldier charging up the beach with a halfhearted halfassed cry. He raises his gun and two gunsounds erupt. Cut back to the German soldiers, who are laying on the ground with Xs over their eyes and wilted flowers in their hands (which are on their chests)

Scene 9- Stupid Decision, Monoball.

Hitler, Himmler and German Officer are sitting at a table.

Hitler: Zee, vat I zink is, is ve should attack RUSSIA!

Himmler: Uh, mein Fuehrer, I am not zinking das is such ein gut dezi-

Hitler: NICHT SPECHEN!

Himmler: Of course, mein Fuehrer.

Hitler: Ja... Virst Russia, zen ze VELT!

Scene 10- Germany Falls

The text "Five minutes later" fades in the bottom of the screen over a picture of the Reichstag burning. The Two Russian Soldiers are replacing the flag on the front with the Soviet Flag.

Hitler: Vell, das ist der end of me.

He takes out a Luger and shoots himself in the head.

Scene 11- Pearl Harbour

A plastic boat in the tub is smashed with a toy airplane. Cut to the American General chomping on a big cigar.

American General: GOD DAMMIT TO HELL! WE'LL TEACH THOSE GOD DAMNED JAPS A DAMN LESSON!

Roll footage of Slim riding the A-bomb like a cowboy, then cut to the footage of the mushroom cloud exploding, then a rainbow and smilie faces cover the screen

The American General is standing strong against a US flag, his eyes closes under the weight of his upper brow, with the two skanks latched onto his side whom are twirling their fingers about his chest. The rainbow is in the background as well, raining smilie faces

American General: And that's the end of that.

Fin

PoliticsForum.Com · 08-07-2003, 12:37 AM

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

LOL! So, what else do you do at work besides work?

Friar Bellows · 08-07-2003, 12:56 AM

Scene 9 is out of order -- should come before scene 8.

Oxidizing Material · 08-07-2003, 01:01 AM

Shut up. Revisionist! REVISIONIST!

BigBlue2 · 08-07-2003, 03:58 AM

:notworthy Oxidizing Material :notworthy

I thought Hitler's speech to the Hitler Jugend was the highlight of the piece.

ju'iblex · 08-07-2003, 11:55 PM

heh, i love it. The twirling moustache, flag swapping and Yank at the end make it fabulous.

Nikolai · 08-08-2003, 06:33 PM

Brilliant, brilliant. Scene two is awesome by the way. And the last scene.

Gregg · 08-09-2003, 01:29 PM

Are you sure this hasn't already been done by Monty Python?

Gregg

August Spies · 08-09-2003, 01:44 PM

stupid ethnic stereotypes and overdone accents.

um... ok.

Quote:

Frenchman: Vat do I sink of ze America's? I sink zey are all stoo-peed! Stoopeed America's, avec zeyr stoopeed automobiles et showas. Who needs a showa? Not me! Zey ma-ek me ZICK! Pah too!

why doest his frenchman hate america in the 1940s? Why does his accent turn italian halfway through?

scene 11 is good.

Oxidizing Material · 08-09-2003, 06:43 PM

"Showa" = "Sch- ow- eaaar"

Monty Python did The Naked Ant which showed Hitler, Himmler and Von Ribbentrop in the 2000s trying to re-elect the "National Bocalist" party. There's a dropoff point here.

08-07-2003, 12:32 AM	#1
Oxidizing Material Banned Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Somewhere where I don't know where I am Posts: 2,069	World War Two in Five Minutes Today at work I wrote myself a play that I could produce. The title is the premise, World War Two shown in Five easy minutes. Actors: Andy H: Hitler, American General, Frenchman, German Soldier 1 Bert S: Himmler, Jew 1 Jason J: Emperor Hirohito Jason V: Mussolini, German Soldier 2 Allison M: Japanese Skank Mollie L: Jew 2, American Skank Dennis S: DDay Soldier, Russian Soldier 1 Slavomir D: Pole Justin B: Stalin, Russian Soldier 2 Joe K: German officer, American Ambassador Entire 9th Grade: Hitler Jungend Play Scene 1- Hitler's Rise to Power Hitler, American Ambassador and Stalin are sitting at a table. Hitler has a true villan's moustache, with a good evil curl to it. Hitler: Ve are takink back Austria American Ambassador: Fine Hitler: UND! Die Sudetenland Stalin: Fine. Just leave alone Poland, comrade. Hitler: Oh, I vill... The camera zooms in on Hitler's face. He twirls his moustache evilly while cackling. Evil music plays. Scene 2- Invasion of Poland There is a Pole sitting in a chair. There is a line drawn down the middle of the chair and on the floor. On the left side is a Soviet flag. On the right, a Nazi battle flag. The Pole is reading the paper, unaware that the German Officer has snuck in and fiendishly replaces the Soviet flag with he Nazi flag. He legs it, and the Pole slowly looks over his newspaper, uninterestly. He spots the new flag. Pole: I am vanquished He slumps over in his chair. Stalin runs in. Stalin: Nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! Ziz iz warrrr! Scene 3- Invasion of France There is a frenchman standing in front of the Eiffel Tower with a cigarette in one hand, an arrogant look on his face, a beret, scarf and striped shirt. Frenchman: Vat do I sink of ze America's? I sink zey are all stoo-peed! Stoopeed America's, avec zeyr stoopeed automobiles et showas. Who needs a showa? Not me! Zey ma-ek me ZICK! Pah too! He spits on the ground. The German officer marches in. Frenchman: Oh, a Germa'. Haven't seen you zince last week. Qu'est-ce qu- The officer shoots the frenchman directly in the head and he drops like a fucking rock below the screen. A little white flag raises. Frenchman: I surrender! Scene 4: The Axis Emperor Hirohito: Ah so, most honourabre Hitrer so velly evir indeed. Japan agrees most honourabry to defend youl nashon Mussolini: Buta Hitlera, whata cana mya mena doa? Whacka thema ina theira sleepa? Hitler: You leave zat to me... The camera moves in on a closeup of Hitler while he curls his moustache evilly. The part he's twirlling falls off, but he twirls the other side. It falls off too, leaving him with that little part under his nose. Hitler: Ach! Gottverdamned moustachen! Scene 5- Hitler's Speech Hitler is standing at a podium with Himmler standing behind him, looking down his nose to the people. Hitler screams himself red in the face, throwing his arms around dramatically and crossing them high on his chest whenever he finishes his sentence. Hitler: DIE MACHEN BLITZKRIEGEN MIT SAUERHAUTEN IM SAUERKRAUTEN UM UNTER DER LINEN! DIE SNAKEN REUTEN HAFFEN IN GRASSEN MIT SASSENPFEFFER! ROOTEN TOOTEN GLUETEN ZOOTEN VERGOOTEN PLUETEN MUHGOOTEN FLOOTEN! Hitler Jungend: Sieg heil! Sieg heil! Sieg heil! Himmler politely claps while the kids throw their arms about in the standard salute. Scene 6- WW2 A bunch of stock footage plays of soldiers of all sides fighting. It lasts about 30 seconds. Scene 7- Behind the scenes The two jews are standing in front of a closet labelled "'Showers'". They wear the yellow Juden star Jew 1: I am a jew Jew 2: As am I They are shoved in the closet by the German Officer. He shuts the door and shouts "Gas!" He opens the door again, the two Jews laying on the ground now Jew 1: Avenge me, Moses Jew 2: A horrible stain on histoy's skirt will be forever remembered. Mussolini wanders by and gets shot in the head for no particular reason. Scene 8- DDay Two German soldiers are sitting on a beach. They point in horror at something by the water off camera. German Soldier1: Ach! Die Allies are komink! German Soldier2: Neeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiin! Cut to the lone American soldier charging up the beach with a halfhearted halfassed cry. He raises his gun and two gunsounds erupt. Cut back to the German soldiers, who are laying on the ground with Xs over their eyes and wilted flowers in their hands (which are on their chests) Scene 9- Stupid Decision, Monoball. Hitler, Himmler and German Officer are sitting at a table. Hitler: Zee, vat I zink is, is ve should attack RUSSIA! Himmler: Uh, mein Fuehrer, I am not zinking das is such ein gut dezi- Hitler: NICHT SPECHEN! Himmler: Of course, mein Fuehrer. Hitler: Ja... Virst Russia, zen ze VELT! Scene 10- Germany Falls The text "Five minutes later" fades in the bottom of the screen over a picture of the Reichstag burning. The Two Russian Soldiers are replacing the flag on the front with the Soviet Flag. Hitler: Vell, das ist der end of me. He takes out a Luger and shoots himself in the head. Scene 11- Pearl Harbour A plastic boat in the tub is smashed with a toy airplane. Cut to the American General chomping on a big cigar. American General: GOD DAMMIT TO HELL! WE'LL TEACH THOSE GOD DAMNED JAPS A DAMN LESSON! Roll footage of Slim riding the A-bomb like a cowboy, then cut to the footage of the mushroom cloud exploding, then a rainbow and smilie faces cover the screen The American General is standing strong against a US flag, his eyes closes under the weight of his upper brow, with the two skanks latched onto his side whom are twirling their fingers about his chest. The rainbow is in the background as well, raining smilie faces American General: And that's the end of that. Fin

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08-07-2003, 12:37 AM	#2
PoliticsForum.Com Banned Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: US Posts: 15	ROTFLMAO!!!!!! LOL! So, what else do you do at work besides work?

08-07-2003, 12:56 AM	#3
Friar Bellows Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: arse-end of the world Posts: 2,305	Scene 9 is out of order -- should come before scene 8.

08-07-2003, 01:01 AM	#4
Oxidizing Material Banned Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Somewhere where I don't know where I am Posts: 2,069	Shut up. Revisionist! REVISIONIST!

08-07-2003, 03:58 AM	#5
BigBlue2 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 6,666	:notworthy Oxidizing Material :notworthy I thought Hitler's speech to the Hitler Jugend was the highlight of the piece.

08-07-2003, 11:55 PM	#6
ju'iblex Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Sydney Australia and beyond the realms of Gehenna Posts: 6,035	heh, i love it. The twirling moustache, flag swapping and Yank at the end make it fabulous.

08-08-2003, 06:33 PM	#7
Nikolai Regular Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Richmond, Virginia Posts: 422	Brilliant, brilliant. Scene two is awesome by the way. And the last scene.

08-09-2003, 01:29 PM	#8
Gregg Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Kansas City, MO Posts: 1,877	Are you sure this hasn't already been done by Monty Python? Gregg

08-09-2003, 06:43 PM	#10
Oxidizing Material Banned Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Somewhere where I don't know where I am Posts: 2,069	"Showa" = "Sch- ow- eaaar" Monty Python did The Naked Ant which showed Hitler, Himmler and Von Ribbentrop in the 2000s trying to re-elect the "National Bocalist" party. There's a dropoff point here.

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