Ultimate Atheist

It depends on how, when, where, and why she's spending time with them. If you've given her valid reasons to stop and she keeps doing it then maybe she's just one of those independent types. You know the kind of woman that feels that any compromise on her part would be bowing down to a man and she just doesn't do that. If she's that type of woman she'll do things like that just to spite you. You're better off dropping her ass off somewhere and moving onto someone that will treat you as an equal and compromise with you when you're being reasonable.

keyser_soze

I have already addressed this in PM, but I thought I might offer another thought for you

When two people become married, they don't become the SAME person. It doesn't work that way during dating either. You are an individual, and so is she...to forget that is to invite disaster. The last thing you want to happen is for either of you to give up your life for the other. Get ready for a lot of bitterness and a hating relationship that will make the christian hell look like fun.

The fact that you want her to IGNORE 50% of the population is telling, and as I said, if she has given you no reason to worry, then why would you? Knowing as little about you two, I would pause longer on whether to trust you, than her. You have admitted that you have had thoughts of cheating, based on hormonal needs. I still think that you are displacing your fears of your own control over "self" onto her. Relax and just try to let your insecurity go, or get help and discuss it with someone. You have to grow out of this, or you have to separate from her. If she hasn't given you a reason to worry(prior instance of cheating in the relationship), then I should feel the problem lies with you, and your insistence on her giving up any part of her life, just to make you feel more secure is a truly bad sign of the times ahead of you. The honorable thing to do is either work on your problem, or release her to find a more compatible mate.

Ted Hoffman

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts on the matter, vague as I might have been in the OP.

Daggah

brighid,

One thing.

Going from marriage to the above is a non-sequitur.

Family Man

A woman spending time with males doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong. Many years ago, one of my best friends was an engaged woman. After work, we'd sometimes go to her house to sit and talk for hours. Her fiance would show up, talk for a while, then leave. Let's just say they had a very committed and secure relationship and neither my friend or I would have done anything to hurt that. (Had she been single, that would have been another story.)

That's not to say that your fiance isn't doing anything wrong. I'm simply saying that platonic relationships with the opposite sex is possible and shouldn't be discounted.

keyser_soze

Everybody relax, he just had a minor blow-up, and is fine now...it was just a relationship thing..

HelenM

Maybe so - but it's not the first time this has come up:

Do you think she has been cheating on me ?


And between then and now IM has contemplated cheating on her (as already mentioned in this thread)

Morality / Immorality of Affairs - need your advice

I hope for IM's sake that he and his fiancee can come to an agreement about what is acceptable that both of them will be willing to abide by long-term.

Helen

keyser_soze

It was a personal issue between him and his fiancee, they have worked it out, and is dealing with his problem. It's past, and it does no good to hammer him on what he already knows is a mistake. He was just frustrated, as we all have been, with his relationship. He probably didn't think to put a disclaimer in here, and he has been busy with this, so we'll have to forgive his lack of attention to the thread. Believe me, as infrequently as he goofs up, being a young hormonal male....he's not a bad guy at all.

Ted Hoffman

Keyser, thanks but U dont need to defend me. We are impatient with those who are weak in the areas we are strong, and empathize with those that are weak in the areas we are weak in, or can relate to.
Its the human condition.
So I can take people being disapointed to hear about me "again".

HelenM

keyser_soze, honestly, I didn't intend to be 'hammering' on IM. Only to point out that there's a difference between something that happens once and never recurs, and something which does recur. (A difference in the potential seriousness of it in the relationship, I mean)

IM,

I want to clarify I'm not 'disappointed in you'. It's more that I feel sad for you that you haven't been able to resolve this to your satisfaction, yet.

(Unless you have, since you opened this thread)

You're right that people can empathize better with things that they struggle with themselves. It's good to bear that in mind as you read the various responses. And I include my responses in that because I understand that my own experiences and preferences make me as biased as the next person. (And the mood I am in when I post probably affects what I say more than it should, also)

Helen