Jimmy Higgins

I didn't sleep at all that night. I had to loot a Kmart because it was closed to get the plastic needed to shield my house from weapons of mass destruction. I was told that an attack was imminent, so I took no strides in any direction that didn't mean duct taping my house into a airless coffin. I dare not watch tv, so when I stepped outside today, I was shocked to see anthrax all over the place. I quickly discovered it to be snow, though.

So now I have a dilema. With no oxygen left in my apartment am I to risk opening my place up while were are still at ORANGE (the word orange echos in the background)? Do I dare question the government for going orange? And I thought the attack was going to coincide with the Hajj. But isn't that in Saudi Arabia?

Bush, I need to know! Can I take the duct tape off my poor kitten? Was it even safe for me to go to work today? And why the hell are we still at Orange? To save face?!