meritocrat

In my view at least, looks are important when seeking partners. I know that sounds shallow, nonetheless (again in my own view only) physical attractiveness is what draws you to a person.

So what about personality?

What do you view as a good personality?

Vorkosigan

One that is less focused on appearances.....

auto-da-fe

Actually you have a good point. Unless you meet someone over the internet, or on the phone, or in some manner that you can't see them, then more than likely, their appearance is what first attracted you to them. There personality is what keeps you coming back, but if you don't have that first initial physical attraction, then you may never get to the point where you know their personality.

Shadowy Man

Actually, for me, I would say that it is demeanor more than personality, per se. One can list off all those things they like personality-wise and someone can have those and you could still not like them.

Demeanor is much more of an intangible, and I probably respond to it in a purely visceral manner.

lunachick

Yes. Ditto.

kwigibo

you're all wrong, it's the shoes!

scarmig

I will be the first to admit it's the boobs.

Fortunately I found a face and personality to match, so I'm doin okay.

Stiletto One

To be perfectly honest, I'm more for ass. And the main physical characteristic I look for is actually eyes.

*shakes self*

Anyway, I agree with the whole 'demeanor' thing. Someone can be the most wildly attractive girl (carcass-wise) in the world, but if she strikes me as a cold fish�from body language, speaking style, etc.�then I won't even bother. Or, for someone who's relatively plain-looking to my friends, if she's a fiery psychopath, I will bother. Simple. (Assuming I like her eys, of course. And her ass. )

I like them feisty. Even if it's not always good for my own physical well-being.

DarkBronzePlant

The whole notion of "you're shallow if you find physical attractiveness to be important in a mate" is, to me, silly and, ironically, kind of shallow itself.

Of course attractiveness is important. Hell, I (a guy) have a lot of guy friends that I really enjoy hanging out with, that I really share a lot in common with, and really like their personalities, sense of humor, etc. And have had such friends for most of my life. Have I ever wanted to settle down with them? Have I ever considered marrying any of them? Have I ever considered any of them for a serious, committed romantic relationship. No. Why? Quite honestly, the only reason is because I was never phyisically attracted to any of them.

Does that make me shallow?

Similarly, there have been girls/women who I've really enjoyed being with, really enjoyed their personality/sense of humor, etc. But I didn't want to commit to a relationship with them because I just didn't find them attractive. So again, is that shallow? Why? What is the difference between a great friendship and a romatic relationship, if not the physical aspect?

In other words, meritocrat, looks are important no matter what anyone tried to tell you, and there's no need to feel shallow about it.

meritocrat

That's your opinion but I disagree.

I think people dislike shallowness because you are discounting the person for who they are.

A person's beauty does not necessarily denote their personality or their likes, dislikes, sensibilities, etc.