LeftCoast

I was just handed a card being circulated where I'm working for a fellow who's mother died on Wednesday - that's that saddened part.

It's the card itself that repulses me:

On the front it reads:
In a place full of light, full of grace

And on the inside:
May it bring you some peace to know that the one you love knows only peace now.
Thinking of you, Praying for you.

I find the sentiment in the card repugnant, but it would be disrespectful and callous to not sign the card.

I've signed lots of cards for co-workers who have lost a relative over the years, but this one has to be the absolute worst I have ever seen - I think what repulses me the most is the smarmy, syrupy sweetness; the whole idea that everything is just fine. I realize that people need to be consoled in their grief, but this really takes the cake.

Just had to vent.....

Mageth

Why don't you just get another more acceptable card and sign it? You might even find some like-minded people around the office who would rather sign a non-religious sympathy card. And you could tell the passer-arounders that you're sending your own card.

Viti

I know what you mean...vent here all you like. It's sad that so many people need that smarmy silliness to face death.

phlebas

It's an uphill battle. When my dad died a few months back, I got a lot of those myself, and not a few delivered in person.

I found it touching. I didn't agree with the words, but the sympathy was there.

This is one of those times when I would opt to not take a stand, and just do what I could to "be there" for the grieving. Their appreciation is reward enough to counteract the latent guilt at your subtle hypocracy. I don't think someone who just lost a loved one is normally in the mood to be the focus for some high-minded theological argument.

But that's just me. Captain Concilliatory YMMV

Buddrow_Wilson

I've seen more offensive cards than that grudingly signed by myself. The only part of that one that really irks me is the praying bit. The reason I sign them is that it strikes me as a poor time to make a stand, so I go along. Unless it has some religion-specific content that is. As has been suggested, if it makes you feel better to send a different card, go for it.

It actually does comfort me some to think that a loved one who has suffered is now in a relative state of peace (no more pain).

Keatslover

Though there are better times to make a stand than when people are grieving, I understand how you feel. The Christian sympathy cards almost seem to negate grief. They seem to call for supression of the natural feelings and a bringing forth of fake joy. After Senator Paul Wellstone died in the planecrash, I went to a memorial service and all the religious people talked about God's plan and how his death was a part of it and how we shouldn't grieve. And I thought, 'Why can't anyone just admit that it stinks that Paul's dead and Strom Thrurmond has been breathing for a much too long time?"

Godless Dave

Buy your own card and send it separately.

Mageth

As an option, one could sign the card with a message such as "I'll keep you in my thoughts" or "I'll keep a good thought for you" to kind of counter the "Praying" bit. Though I notice that the card you described at least included "Thinking of you" as an option.

King Rat

When my dad died I just wanted everybody to shut the hell up and go away. But they just had to keep on 'comforting' me.

brighid

I really don't know what is appropriate to say in those situations. The "I'll pray for you" etc. just seem so hallow. I would suggest, instead of saying anything, or offering sympathies you could send a card asking how you might be able to help: perhaps picking up some groceries, cutting the lawn, or something useful that is a burdensome chore when one is grieving and hurting from the loss of a loved one.

Brighid