Brahma's atheist

About ten years ago in Liverpool, my friends and I were coming home from a night out. They'd stopped at a takeaway and I was waiting outside. There were 2 girls and 2 blokes hanging about as well.
"Look a Paki with glasses" said one of the blokes out of the blue.
I'm a sap so I did nothing and said nothing. I'm not a fighter. I just tensed up and turned away.
One of the girls apologised.
I think my inability to fight makes me as angry as what the bastard said.
It keeps popping into my mind now and then and I imagine what I wanted to do.
What I would have loved to have done is run at him, grab him and throw him into the road in front of a bus.Or grab him and smash his face into the railings he was leaning against.
My favourite daydream is that I have psychic powers as in Julian May's Metapsychic novels. I then imagine that I coerce him to walk in front of that bus or smash his own face into the railing or into a shop window.
Another incident was in Manchester. The end of another night out. I was walking alone along the busy street. I noticed a group of men walking towards me laughing and so on.As they got near me one of them pushed his friend at me. I'm tiny and these guys must have been about 6 foot tall and several stone heavier than me.
"What the fuck? " I thought .
In my daydream I would coerce the bastard to kneel down and pound his head into the pavement. Or run into a shop window. Better still take all his clothes of then run into a shop window. Or just lie in the middle of the street as in that Radiohead video.
God if I had those powers there would be a lot of dead people.
I think the best revenge type thing or Karma was told to meby my friend. Her son had been bullied by a kid at school. Hed' called him Paki, his dad was Indian. He also called him Jew because hi nose was quite big. This came with beatings. Years later he met this fucker again. He was very ill, emaciated and it turned out he had cancer.
"Did your son laugh?" I asked.
I'm not a forgiveness person I guess.
I just had to write this because it's been boiling up inside of me.

Athius

I know what you mean, I've also had many daydreamings where I would totaly ruin all the people that made my life a living hell, but the sooner you come back to reality the sooner you will get back to normal. You just gotto realize that your daydreamings will never become true (hopefully) and you must find another way to cope with your problems.

Tenek

Hear hear.

I can't count the number of times I've 'daydreamed' of killing someone. Some typically evil motherfucker. You know the type. I so much as read an anecdote about the abusive father/husband/whatever and I'm breaking bones like they're toothpicks.

Sometimes I wonder if I'd be more Homo malus might be a more accurate term for me than [/i]sapiens[/i].

mabel

Boy, I've had some real doozies when it comes to revenge daydreams. Murder/torture/humilitation etc. on the people who dared to cross me.

It's a very normal reaction to highly emotionally charged situations.

I have discovered that the more I talk about my anger (over and over again) the less I care about the actual event. and then the feelings of anger dissipate and the glaring memories fade away.

It's good that you are venting like this.

ju'iblex

Actually, I'm the exact opposite. Whenever I encounter situations which would ordinarily, as you have described, make you want to kill someone, i actually transfer those feelings on myself and imagine awful things happening to me...

strange.

SULPHUR

Just as an aside, what are the odds on the CG resigning ?

The Cromwell Institute

Heya BA,

I think most of us have, at one stage or another, vividly imagined belting the absolute snot out of some prick who's been giving us grief. And it can be terribly frustrating knowing that if said prick decided to belt you , he'd be able to do so without much effort [due to your being small and having no skills etc. etc].

Can I reccomend taking some martial arts training? I want you to understand that I am not reccomending this so you can go and act out your daydreams - down that path lies madness, injury, jail or death. I reccomend the arts for the following reasons:

1. They can help you develop mental discipline, the kind that helps you dismiss piss-weak taunts like "paki with glasses" as the meaningless preserve of the worthless.

2. A good martial art [I reccomend Budo Taijutsu as taught by the Bujinkan] can help you to gain an insight into the devastating realities of actual combat. The more I understand about the human body and how to damage it, the less I want to fight someone. I find it scary just how easy it is to inflict permanent damage or death and I hope I never have to use the techniques I have learnt on another human being. Most of them are just too goddamned dangerous.

3. Finally, and this reason I give most tentatively and with the overt and implied caveats above, a martial art can give you a means of defending yourself should some idiots decide the "Paki" wants a punch in his pretty face. Ideally, a good teacher will equip you with a broad skillset that includes methods of confrontation avoidance, defusion and escape.

Just my two cents. PM me if you want to know more about Budo Taijutsu.

meritocrat

I have no martial arts training (or any other 'training' in fighting) but I would have possessed no problem in beating him.

OK, I would not have immediately attacked, yet I would have questioned whom he was calling 'Paki' before any physical confrontation took place. As far as I am concerned, I don't see the rationale of being 'scared' of others.

Jimmy Higgins

[passivist rant]But what do you gain? By attacking? If anything, you get sued, you go to jail.

I know there was a person where I worked that I really would have loved to cause pain to, but he was much larger than me, and I'm 6 feet tall. But more importantly, if I did anything that would mean my job. In the end, he got fired because of who he was (type of person), and I'm still working where I am because of who I am. I take that as no small consolation.

You are better off not to do anything back, except perhaps quick wit. You have very little to gain and so much more to lose, especially if you underestimate them.

There is no strong reply to racism or any sort of hate because those are usually rooted in the passions of ignorance (perhaps the strongest force in the world, next to the "strong nuclear" force ). It would be like arguing radiometric dating with a YEC'er. There is no hope for some people, but there is always hope within yourself. The world is what you make of it. If you lash out in anger, the world becomes more violent.[/passivist rant]

Sorry, just had to rant.

lisarea

Not only can I testify to this, I may very well receive a subpoena compelling me to do so one of these days.

(HEY, Dude!)

There's nothing quite so cathartic as being able to close your eyes and call forward the sheer tactile satisfaction of stomping someone's head under your boots. The soft brittle tinkling of the delicate facial structure being crushed beyond repair, the way the eyeballs pop almost gratefully, as the sweet metallic aroma surrounds you as someone's lifeblood gushes from them like a geyser.

Ooh, stop me. I'm getting all floaty and girly-giggly. heeheeheehee.

But you know, it's one thing to think it. Doing it, though, would be a favor to anyone who merits it.

What could really be worse than actually being the kind of asshole who'd deserve such treatment? A fatal beating would cause only their eventual release from what must me a sad, bitter, angry, and superficial existence.

Let 'em have it. Let them live without the satisfaction of bringing you down with them. What do they have to live for? Banalities and pointless hatred.

That's got to hurt worse than any head-crushing we could dole out, no?