extinctionist

Trent Lott and Rush Limbaugh walk into a bar. They order their drinks and sit down, when Trent says to Rush 'hey, isn't that Evander Holyfield sat by the bar?'

Rush looks. 'Nah, can't be,' he says.

'No, I swear thats him,' protests Trent.

'Fifty bucks says it ain't.'

'You're on!' says Trent, and marches over to the man.

There follows a brief discussion. Trent says something to the man, the man replies. Then Trent says something again. Suddenly the guy gets up, grabs Trent, and whacks him in the face so hard that he flies across the room and lies, stunned, against the far wall. The bar goes quiet.

Rush, erm, rushes over to Trent and asks him if he's ok.

'Man, I owe you fifty bucks,' replies Trent.

'What the fuck happened?'

'Well,' replies Trent, 'I went over there and asked him his name, and he said "I'm Evander Holyfield, I've been heavyweight champion of the world, I got millions of dollars in my bank account, and I fuck white women."

'So why'd he hit you?'

'I dunno. I just said if I had that status and that money, I wouldn't fuck goddam niggers either.'

Amlodhi

LMAO :rolling:

Thanks Lauri !

Ynot

A man shows up at a hotel lounge to audition to be their piano player. The manager tells him to play something, and so the man does. He plays the most beautiful piece of music the manager has ever heard, and by the time it's finished, the manager is almost in tears.

"That was the most amazing music! Where did you find that?"

The man answers, "I wrote that."

The manager is aghast. "YOU wrote that?! What's it called?"

The piano player says, "Fucking My Wife's Sister in the Bathroom With My Shoes On."

The manager is at a loss for words, but then tells the musician to play another.

Once again the manager's ears are caressed by the wondrous tones coming from the piano, and this time he IS moved to tears.

"That was incredible!" says the manager, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Did you write that one, too?"

"Yup!" says the musician.

"What's it called?"

"Beating My Mother-In-Law With a Baseball Bat, and Fucking Her Up the Ass for a Laugh."

The manager doesn't know what to say, but he knows this is his new lounge player. "Look," he says. "The gig is yours on one condition: Don't ever tell anyone the names of your songs, okay?"

They shake hands and the musician agrees to show that very night.

He plays, and crowds are coming in from the hotel lobby and from the street to hear the amazing tunes the musician is wringing from the piano. Amid thunderous applause the musician gets up and heads for the bathroom.

He finishes his business at the urinal and turns to head out just as another man is heading in. The man glances down at the musician's pants and stops him. He points downward and says to the musician, "Hey, buddy! Do you know your fly's open and your dicks hanging out?"

"Know it?" says the musician. "I WROTE it!"

**ba-dump-TSHHH**

Y

tracer

"At these prices, you're not going to see very many other kangaroos in this bar, either!"

extinctionist

Yeah, I always prefered that one.

Although I heard it as:

'We don't actually get many baboons in this bar, y'know'.
'Well at R9.50 a beer, I can't say I'm bloody surprised.'