pierneef

The Mister Magoo Institute of Phenomenology has discovered that in a normal year (in which fingernails grow at a normal pace) an average of 12 new nail clippers enter the average American home. So each home accumulates about 40 nail clippers in a three year period, which is the average period in which families occupy a house before packing up and moving. Experts from the Mister Magoo Institute have selected a sample of home possessions in the process of being packed up and later unpacked at a new new location. The missing nail clippers are seldom if ever detected, unless they were purchased within the previous thirty days. So many nail clippers have gone missing in the last decade, that experts calculate a single layer of these objects would completely cover the surface of Central Park.

In my house, nail clippers are beamed up by Martians to their Mother Ship. I am curious as to what happens to nail clippers purchased by other members of the Forum.

whichphilosophy

There are also the Martian Sock Eaters who hide in washing machines, with a preference for men's socks.

In one out of 3 washes 1 sock out of 3-4 pairs will disappear, never to be found again.

I believe that there are several one legged Martians involved.

pierneef

The image of the Martian is beginning to emerge, one leg but hundreds of toes with fast-growing nails

Garnet

But this overlooks the most important question. Do nail clippers really exist?

MeMo

I've come to the conclusion that teenagers absorb nail clippers which then leads to amnesia (specifically regarding any memory of ever having seen said nail clippers).

pierneef

Teen behavior explained as toxic reaction to nail clipper absorption. What do you think the mechanism of absorption is likely to be ?

pierneef

I would propose a minor change: "Did nail clippers ever exist ?"

The Magoo Institute claims that it is possible sometimes to detect a faint shadow or glow where a nail clipper might once have existed, before being beamed up by one-socked Martians or absorbed by teens. However, they cannot find a philosophical protocol to move forward to any likely conclusions. So, indeed, nail clippers may be in the mind of the beholder only. We know that what appear to be nail clippers exist in shops, but somehow the transition to the home is problematic.

Pseudointellectual

I believe it is common knowledge that Martians have no legs and that any claim as to the contrary do not take into account the wide belief that Martians slither from which we can consequently conclude that they have no legs because of this slithering action.

And that claim made by The Institute regarding the residual radiation left by nail clippers is pure crockery since it has not even established a statistically significant correlation between the previous existence of the nail clipper and its being beamed up to the Mother Ship. How do we even know if the nail clipper was instead absorbed by teens rather than the proposed Martian Mother Ship theory? How do we even know that it was nail clippers that left those traces of radiation?

Garnet

I have the answer! I just looked in my purse...three pairs of nail clippers in there. (I shit you not.) Were they put there by legless Martians? Or could it be that I haven't flown on airplane lately? Perhaps women's purses are Martian repositories?

ex-xian

Where to threads about where nail clippers go?






~E~