jeffevnz

Yeah, but I still appreciate the heads-up. Maybe I'll stay away from shock-value and go with things that are just really funny, or amazing without the sex and violence.

Joan of Bark

Gamera.

I would have no problem with your argument, if you addressed the inconsistencies in Jesus' statements.

"Do not think I have come to abolish the laws and the prophets ..." doesn't sound much like a new covenant to me. He even states that "I have come for the lost sheep of the house of Israel." He even instructs his disciples to go "nowhere among the gentiles or the Samaritans ..."

As for his message of love ... did he love his parents? Or families in general?
He makes many disparaging remarks about families, which certainly brings his 'love' message into question.

djrafikie

I always wondered if the "porno" sections of the bible were ever used for wanking purposes.. [monk 800 years ago] and he cast his daughters out for sodomy *sweat**grunt**furious wrist action*[/monk 800 years ago]
[monk 700 years ago] and his daughter fed him wine and libations and lay with him *SPURT*[/monk 700 years ago]

I mean, dudes,that kind of rape/old man with sisters stuff is ILLEGAL or seriously niche now! Can you imagine reading it if you were banned from sex and had never seen a porno?

you would moisten your habit in a second!

Bboyneko

the verse in the old testament where isaac or joshua or someone wrestles an angel in the middle of the night, and then his hop bone goes out of wack? that for me is by the far the most WTF

PhilosopherJay

I've been laughing out loud all through this thread. I think I have a topper. Remember God's recipe for Ezekiel and his beloved children of Israel:

EZEKIEL 4:9 Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof.

EZEKIEL 4:10 And thy meat which thou shalt eat shall be by weight, twenty shekels a day: from time to time shalt thou eat it.

EZEKIEL 4:11 Thou shalt drink also water by measure, the sixth part of an hin: from time to time shalt thou drink.

EZEKIEL 4:12 And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.

EZEKIEL 4:13 And the LORD said, Even thus shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, whither I will drive them.

EZEKIEL 4:14 Then said I, Ah Lord GOD! behold, my soul hath not been polluted: for from my youth up even till now have I not eaten of that which dieth of itself, or is torn in pieces; neither came there abominable flesh into my mouth.

EZEKIEL 4:15 Then he said unto me, Lo, I have given thee cow's dung for man's dung, and thou shalt prepare thy bread therewith.

The last line is the kicker. Because Ezekiel has always obeyed the dietary laws, God is going to let Ezekiel get away with eating cow's dung in his sandwich instead of human dung. What a guy! WTF!

Feeling Nauseous,

Philosopher Jay

djrafikie

PhilosopherJay: The dung part is in referral to the old practice of drying out poop and using it as a long burning (but rather smelly) fuel. It works pretty well.

God is KINDLY letting him use cow poop, which in terms of hygeine is probably a bit of curse, now they have to find something else to do with all of the much more harmful people poo. Cow poo is pretty good for making bricks mixed with sand and straw, people poo... does'nt stick as well.

In fact god is fucking him right over.

In many, very practical ways.

What an asshole.

PhilosopherJay

Hi djrafikie,

Thanks. I'm not going to ask how you know this.

If this is the case then it is not as bad as I thought, but still pretty gross.

Feeling Better,

Philosopher Jay

Aspentroll

It was all just crap used to scare hell out of the population and gain their obedience. It was all very useful to keep their priests in clothes and food with out them having to get their hands dirty. It is all total bull shit not worthy of our slightest concern. Other than the fact that people who believe this stuff (George B.) get into government and start controlling everyone.

Sassenach

My wtf moment was when I realized Eve didn't know the difference between good and evil before she partook of the "Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil". How could she know god was good and the serpent evil? Why should she trust god over the serpent? Everything was neutral, therefore equal in her understanding.

99Percent

Everytime I read anything in the bible is WTF for me.