Newton Joseph

PLEASE, JESUS, WE CAN'T AFFORD YOU TO COME BACK
By New 10.

Millions of people are awaiting the return of Jesus Christ. I wonder if these
Simple souls really give any thought to how this will happen? Who would he
Choose to approach and say. Hi! I'm Jesus Christ? How many people would take
Him seriously? After all, many men (and some women) in the back wards of mental
Hospitals claim they are Jesus Christ, whom should we believe? Would he reveal
Himself to a hooker (AKA a prostitute) as he washes her feet in Times Square New
York? or Joe, the humble butcher in Metairie, Louisiana? Or possibly to Father
Gregory the pedophile priest in Minneapolis or to a Bantu tribesman in Zair?
Which group would he reveal himself to? His co-religionists, the Jews
(Would Christians be happy with such an act? ). Would they want to Jump on the
Bandwagon to use an old metaphor and want to become Jews? Or will he reveal
Himself to born again Christians? Would he know or even understand a Catholic,
Protestant, Greek Orthodox, Baptist, or any of the hundreds of denominations that
Use his name? Would people meeting him for the first time salute him, shake his
Hand, bow down on their knees or kiss his feet? Would he fall from the sky like a
Meteor or will he drive up in a Mercedes, a Chevy, a flying saucer, a Greyhound
Bus, on a cloud or on an ass?
Will he be recognized by the medieval rendition of him with long blond hair
And beard with blue eyes, or the earlier Byzantine depletion of him being a very dark
Skinned man with short black kinky hair? Would the people in the Bible belt really
Accept him with these features? Will he be freshly showered, with clean
Underwear? Will he be wearing an Armani suit, or a tunic? (I don't want to seem
Disrespectful but these are just some of the many questions that come to mind.)
Will he speak English with or without an accent, Aramaic, Hebrew, Latin or
Yiddish? How old will he be when he returns? Remember, he supposedly died
2,000 years ago. Will he have any physical maladies that we are prone to? Does
He have plaque on his teeth? I assume he doesn't floss.
Would he be treated like a superstar with his own stretched limo? Would he
Have any credibility if he wore Florham wing tip shoes, or will he be wearing
Sandals? I'm assuming that he will not appear naked, so where does he buy his
Clothes? Would the Pope and Jesus become pals and drink beer together as they
Swap stories? Since the Jews are still waiting the return of the Messiah, would the
Jews claim "Him" for themselves?
When he returns will there still be a need for priests and ministers to interpret
His message? Wouldn't his return make their jobs superfluous? Wouldn't people
Get the word right from the horse's mouth - in a manner of speaking? Will NBC
Give him a time slot opposite 60 Minutes with his own program? Will Pat
Robertson, Benny Hinn, Oral Roberts and Billy Graham and the other televangelists
Who have been waiting the return of Jesus really want that to happen? Would they
Be able to exist with that kind of competition?

-2-
Seeing they have made capital on the promise of his return, wouldn't it be
reasonable to assume they would claim he is the false messiah, the devil or the
anti-Christ? How would people react if "he" pointed out all the errors in the Bible
and about himself for setting them straight?

Would it be possible to discard all that they hold dear, or would it be easier
to discard Jesus? Would they lynch him, crucify or shoot him?

Which religious sect would he favor, if any? And what would happen to the
ones he didn't? Would people agree with what he might say today in a modern
technological world, and would it be applicable, seeing he has been gone for so
many years? How would Jesus feel when he discovers Catholics everywhere were
gnawing on his body for so many years?

I could go on almost forever with my questions and I'm sure you have many
of your own.

If you would ask a thousand believing Christians these very same questions,
in order to avoid mundane answers, they would have to resort to "supernatural"
answers. They would be creative, amazing, fantastic and most of all hilarious
(which would make an interesting book on humor).

I think as soon as "he" would become a definable, intelligible person with an
identity, he would be seen as just another homogeneous guy. Perhaps with a
soiled shirt, perhaps wearing glasses and who knows speaks with a lisp or a
stutter, most people would lose interest in him very quickly. They would have to
invent another mysterious, invisible, unknowable, supernatural somebody. He only
holds Christians' interest as long as he remains hidden in the clouds.

I'm sure I'm not the only person who thought there is a deep fear held by all
Christian theologians and "Faith Healers" that Jesus would come back. If he does
they are out of business, the game is over and the money stops flowing in. Since
televangelists have been so successful at hawking the concept of Jesus as a God,
wouldn't you agree they would make great used car salesmen? As long as he
remains hidden from view it's business as usual. The cash will keep flowing in as
long as the promise of his return (like the carrot and the stick). This charade has
gone on for nearly 2,000 years. And yet they wait, wait and wait.

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