Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Y.B · 01-07-2005, 10:23 AM

Q: How many Creationists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They believe electricity is just a theory, not a fact.

Debating a Creationist is like playing chess with a pigeon. It knocks over the pieces, shits on the board, and flies to its flock to claim victory.

Anyone got any more?

ajmilne · 01-07-2005, 10:45 AM

Not so much. But you did remind me of the Ingersoll classic:

"To argue with a man who has renounced his reason is like giving medicine to the dead."
-- Robert Ingersoll

RED DAVE · 01-07-2005, 10:56 AM

NOT REALLY A CREATIONIST JOKE, BUT SOME HUMOR FOR A DREARY FRIDAY AFTERNOON IN JANUARY.

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of the constant bickering.

Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They spreadsheeted.
They reported.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did some genealogy reports.
They created labels and cards.
They did every known job.

And More.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency, and Satan was faster than hell.

But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the
Underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

The electricity finally came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming, "It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files.

Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?"

God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves."

RED DAVE

Blueskyboris · 01-07-2005, 11:04 AM

The Turtle and the Hare.

Y.B · 01-07-2005, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RED DAVE

God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves."

Jesus saves, but only Buddha makes incremental back-ups.

Jhuger · 01-07-2005, 12:55 PM

Debating a creationist is like running in a donkey race. Whether you win or lose, you still look like an ass.

Alter · 01-07-2005, 01:02 PM

I saw this in regard to a flame war once:

"A flame war is like the Special Olympics. You might win, but you're still a 'tard."

God hates Kittens · 03-15-2005, 09:50 AM

SarraceniaScott · 03-15-2005, 11:09 AM

Late_Cretaceous · 03-15-2005, 11:21 AM

I always thought a funny advertisment would go something like this:

A chain of stores, like walmart, hires a model whos name just happens to be Jesus. Dress him up in biblical looking robes and do a photo shoot of him at the checkout counter. Then put up the picture up on billboards and magazine ads with the caption "JESUS SAVES....by shopping at Wal-Mart".

Technically it would be 100% true. The man named Jesus would indeed save some money by shopping at the discount prices offered by Wal-Mart.

:huh:

01-07-2005, 10:23 AM	#1
Y.B Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 6,457	Creationist jokes Q: How many Creationists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They believe electricity is just a theory, not a fact. Debating a Creationist is like playing chess with a pigeon. It knocks over the pieces, shits on the board, and flies to its flock to claim victory. Anyone got any more?

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01-07-2005, 10:45 AM	#2
ajmilne Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Ottawa Posts: 566	Not so much. But you did remind me of the Ingersoll classic: "To argue with a man who has renounced his reason is like giving medicine to the dead." -- Robert Ingersoll

01-07-2005, 10:56 AM	#3
RED DAVE Banned Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: NYC Posts: 10,532	NOT REALLY A CREATIONIST JOKE, BUT SOME HUMOR FOR A DREARY FRIDAY AFTERNOON IN JANUARY. Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of the constant bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They spreadsheeted. They reported. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They created labels and cards. They did every known job. And More. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency, and Satan was faster than hell. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the Underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming, "It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files. Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?" God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves." RED DAVE

01-07-2005, 11:04 AM	#4
Blueskyboris Banned Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Inside a Cheeseburger Posts: 5,374	The Turtle and the Hare.

01-07-2005, 12:55 PM	#6
Jhuger Regular Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Oakland, CA, USA Posts: 380	Debating a creationist is like running in a donkey race. Whether you win or lose, you still look like an ass.

01-07-2005, 01:02 PM	#7
Alter Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Midwest Posts: 2,210	I saw this in regard to a flame war once: "A flame war is like the Special Olympics. You might win, but you're still a 'tard."

03-15-2005, 09:50 AM	#8
God hates Kittens Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Dallas, Texas Posts: 19

03-15-2005, 11:09 AM	#9
SarraceniaScott Regular Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 389

03-15-2005, 11:21 AM	#10
Late_Cretaceous Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Alberta Posts: 1,049	I always thought a funny advertisment would go something like this: A chain of stores, like walmart, hires a model whos name just happens to be Jesus. Dress him up in biblical looking robes and do a photo shoot of him at the checkout counter. Then put up the picture up on billboards and magazine ads with the caption "JESUS SAVES....by shopping at Wal-Mart". Technically it would be 100% true. The man named Jesus would indeed save some money by shopping at the discount prices offered by Wal-Mart. :huh:

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