saerow

I started listening to some new music recently, stuff that's sometimes very uplifting and positive. Example: VNV Nation (Victory not Vengeance), Dragonforce, Wolfsheim, Funker Vogt and some others. I've always been curious about goth culture even when I was a Christian, and tried to get my hands on as much of the stuff as my parents would allow, which wasn't that much.

Since I started listening to this new music and going to the Unitarian Universalist church, I've been writing a shitload of crazy stuff with themes like:

A reverse rebellion against the slug culture of angst and apathy.

Destroying nihilistic religions by shaming them back into the woods where they belong.

Becoming a filthy rich person who gives money away to social justice causes and is very explicit, like a mix between Bill Gates, Batman, and Marilyn Manson.

Being the evil secular humanist the dogmatic Christian conservatives love to hate.

Having every bleeding heart liberal freak wanting to fuck my brains out.

My journal is also full of explicit seething hatred for Ron Luce and his BattleCry crap.



I've been buying a lot of standard white preppy surfer clothes (Hollister) and mixing that up with edgy accesories and jewelry, like weapon rings.

I've been brainstorming all sorts of business ideas and ways to make money with reverse rebellion so I can continue to amplify it more and more.



All of this stuff is EXTREMELY anti Christian and anti Assemblies of God and anti everything I grew up with, so I have to wonder what you all think.

Am I a victim of demonic activity?

This is exactly what it feels like, isn't it? Loads of inspiration you didn't have before, kind of like you've been "possessed by the human spirit" or some new age junk like that. My neighbor often talks about music and cursed trinkets and things like that opening a door, and my new ring fits the bill very well, especially since it's horribly painted, overpriced, and made out of some cheap crap alloy.

What do you guys think? Victim of a demon, or just a victim of an overpriced ring that hardly anyone would consider buying? Oh, it makes an awesome tab opener and is great for poking holes in the plastic on microwave dinners--a scrawny 21 year-old's best friend.

I'm not trying to be sarcastic, seriously. This is really freaking me out and making me worried.

I'm autistic by the way, and threw away a lot of Ridalyn(sp?) or whatever they call that stuff when I was younger.

Astreja

I think what you're experiencing is similar to the anger that abuse survivors go through when they've been away from the abuse long enough to regain some of their strength. Been there, got that, shredded and burned the souvenir T-shirt.

saerow

Yeah, I can see what you're saying. It's probably a very good thing that I didn't shred the traditionalist conservative lifestyle along with the religion. I like taking things really slow and deconversion happened in several small spurts over many years for me.

I still like what I'm getting into though. It's seems really fun as long as it doesn't get destructive, and all is fair in the anarchy of fantasy, right?

Astreja

Yeah, I'd say that the writing you're doing is interesting and worthwhile and may lead to something substantially cool later.

Just be very careful how you phrase any online stuff... Anger is fine, but avoid overt threatening language because it might attract unwelcome attention from the authorities (or at least from an irate webmaster).

sateryn

i think it's a lot more simple than that, personally.

if you were a christian (and you still desperately cling to a sense of religiousness, as evidenced by your attending that unitarian church) and you turned around one day and started listening to Praise the Fallen and Empires (unless you're listening to future perfect and/or matter and form, because frankly those albums are saturated in ronin's repressed catholicism) and Survivor... or the generally 'mad at god' themes of a lot of wolfsheim's work, then it's no surprise you're suffering from some kind of massive hedonist backlash.

what you're describing sounds to me like someone who's never considered life for its own sake - least of all someone who ever considered life for one's own sake.
sooner or later, you'll become acclimated to the concept of your self being a central focus point, and all this will will take a back burner.

don't worry, your Hot Topic clothes aren't posessing you. you're just being a dork. you'll get over it.

Her pinkness saves

eeewww.... Goth.

*sprinkles holy water on you*

notices nothing happen; except your anger being proportional to how wet you are*

your either not possessed; or holy water is bunk. considering the source of "working" holy water comes form the same source of "demonic possession"; I'd say your fine.

Avatar

You are not possessed. Your mind is simply exploring an avenue in yourself that you hadn't really noticed before. You will possibly go with it for awhile, then circle back around to your starting point...but I kind of doubt it. New ideas tend to change a person a little--one reason conservative churches are so against new ideas. So long as you keep yourself anchored and don't start having detailed fantasies involving Columbine or creating a 'hit list', I don't see a likely problem.

Except for concerned parents and friends.

KittyKatBlack

What exactly is your definition of ? There are alot of stereotypes associated with the subculture.

saerow

Thanks, I needed that last part. I need to cool down, and take a bath in holy water. If I don't, I'm going to go all out mallgoth and spend several grand on makeup, clothes, jewelry, and music and end up selling it all along with my ass to a very kind and gentle redneck named Bob, who lives in a deer stand out in the middle of the woods.

I think the ring is kind of like a tobacco patch for me because it's very abusive to wear. I used to have a SISH habit of about once a month until I turned 21 and would just throw on some :wumpscut: and drink and drink until I'm laying back on my bed laughing my ass off at how lame and stupid Rudy Ratzinger sings when he sings in English. It worked, because I didn't matter if I was laying down laughing like an idiot or sobbing like an emo kid, I didn't feel like cutting when I was drunk, and since I only did it a few times a month it didn't really affect anything except to make my attitude even shittier later on.

saerow

Thanks. I need to keep things simple and quiet then, and get a buzzcut without having tribal designs shaved in, and get a frikken smaller ring too, something really tight so that when you take it off it feels like you're pulling your finger off. This ugly thing covers about half my finger. (The jointed, full-length one that I never wore broke in half.)

I'll just be that dude wearing the button up shirt with flames on it or something anon like that for right now, and take a the figurative holy water shower every day so I don't start annoying everyone around me with attitudes they find repulsive and shitty. I need to learn more about how to read people too. I'm not very intuitive about anything, and literally have to force feed myself daily, which sucks.

The only detailed fantasies I have involve slugculture pushers and realpolitik neocons and nihilistic religious dogma. Don't worry too much. I don't want orgy parties, just a make out chic