hinduwoman

The symptoms all fit.

He was three days dead and then rose up. Vampires do that, rising up from the grave.

The stone at the mouth of the tomb was rolled away from within --- superhuman strength. In Matthew, there is an angel who floats down and removes the stone in front of witnesses --- but a vampire can do all these things.

He appeared in the flesh, not as a spirit.

When the various disciples saw him at various times none of them recognized him at first. If he still was the old Jesus in the old body why did not they? The probable explanation is that as a vampire there had been subtle changes to his face (like the jaws where he had to hide his fangs) and his eyes.

He turned up among the disciples when it was dark. When the women first saw the risen Jesus or an angel (who of course can be the vampiric Jesus exerting mindcontrol) all accounts agree it was not yet dawn. Mark alone says that it was at the beginning of sunrise but he also says that the women saw a young man within the tomb who never came out of it; in other words he remained in the dark tomb safe from sunlight. Other gospels do not mention the time when Jesus appeared to other disciples, but John specifically states each time it was when darkness fell at evening and he never stayed till the rising of sun. In other words, in spite of variations, it is agreed that no one saw the risen Jesus in daylight. :devil3:

[One of the later legends say that Joseph of Amaranthia caught Jesus’ blood in a cup and it became the holy grail which could cure disease. Think carefully about this. When the blood was taken Jesus was not yet a vampire, therefore it would not mutate the humans who drank it. But since Jesus must have already contacted the condition, his blood would have regenerative properties.]


Most significant: the new church was one based on drinking of blood. And have you noticed that the clergy wear collars upto their necks, which is the prime spot for vampire bites which would leave a visible mark?
Why are the clergy hiding their necks?

:rolling: :rolling: :rolling:

snapchamp

wow! where to start, where to start.....

first of all, vampires were introduced just over a hundred years ago. vampires (or dracula, more specifically) was apparently based on vlad the impaler of the 15th century. the jesus story was written 2000 years ago give or take. the math says...it's ridiculous.

if you want to think jesus was a vampire, you probably have the same amount of evidence than the majority who claims he was divine-zero. why not say jesus was a flying fairy on steroids, that could fly around and move gigantic rocks. it least it is more amusing.

you should look at the bible stories more symbolically. or not, your choice.

IRON MAN

snapchamp, you obviously know sweet fuck all about vampires and the undead. The OP is so conspicuously correct I don't know how anyone failed to spot this before ...

... unless you are a zombie and you are working for the vampires trying to discredit the idea ... :worried: ...

... yes I think in fact your are. What other explanation could their be for your denial of the truth that has been revealed to you as plain as the summer sun?

You are obviously defending your vampire masters!

CanoeMan

Also, don't forget the vampire aversion to crosses and running water.

-Crosses: Well, wouldn't you be scared of crosses if you were crucified?

-Running water: Once, Jesus could walk across a river. Now, he sinks because of the holes in his feet, so he's ashamed to be near running water.

Keith&Co.

The threeday weekend seems to be a supernatural standard. IT takes that long for the soul to leave, so any necromancy has to wait that long.
You can't make a zombie out of the dead for that long, either.

Which would be better than vampire Jesus. Evidently the risen Jesus didn't look too much like the living one. Vampires don't change that much on rising.
Ghouls do, though.


And ghouls rise in groups. Note that one of the gospels tells that the bodies of the saints in the cemetary rose when Jesus died, then waited three days to walk around the city scaring the shit out of everyone.

IRON MAN

Not only that, but it is obvious in the context of vampirism that Lazarus was the original vampire. When Jesus went to his tomb to supposedly raise him from the dead, he was only doing the evil bidding of his evil master Lazarus. After he rose up, Lazarus obviously bit Jesus at some point.

Also John the Baptist was a zombie. He used to eat bugs and shit, all he cared about was waiting for his master to arrive. Plus as everyone knows the only way to kill a zombie is decapitation.

FunkyDemon

I've always thought that. It fits too well. The whole Catholic drinking blood (vampirism) and eating flesh (canibalism). I don't think they are all vampires, just Jesus and the church worships vampires.

As for there being no vampires until 15th century, maybe not Dracula and hist like, but many cultures all over the world have legends and myths about vampiric monsters.

vanessas

There sre similarities .. i found some

Both, Jesus and Vampires appeared in certain places of our planet then with the help of some "witnesses" and believers spread their stories all over the world....becoming myths.

Stories that nobody can prove were real unless you have faith obviously. (and nobody can deny according to a poster jesusfollower )

Answerer

I second the OP. Otherwise, why would Jesus so confident in promising his followers an eternal afterlife while living with Him in the Kingdom of Eden?

However, I figure that he was destroyed by the Sun before all that could come to pass.

Alethias

sweet zombie jesus, you've got it.


Alethias