McGargoyle

Oh, another one: the default message "Closed for the day" more or less literally translated into German ("Den Rest des Tages zu") means in colloquial German "stoned/drunk for the rest of the day".
I sometimes use it - with the faulty translation written underneath - when I'm out for a drink... or two.

g-21-lto

Quotes from people I know. Like the geology professor who was trying to explain the vastness of 4.6 billion years compared to a few decades. Direct quote: "Your entire life is nothing." I use it out of context. :devil3:

Moxy

Ned Flanders: Let's thank the Lord for another beautiful day.
Superintendent Chalmers: "Thank the Lord"? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts don't have a place within an organized religion!

"Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake."

I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens. Who came to earth... and then died... only to be brought back to life again. And his name was: E.T., the extra-terrestrial. I love that little guy. --Rev. Lovejoy

erimir

It's not particularly witty, but I like to use this:

The Bible reference is a link to the online Bible which has the verse, which just happens to be about men with cocks as big as donkeys who shoot as much cum as horses.

An eye-opener for those who think the Bible is so holy and shit, I'm sure.

Wild_T

"I am not available because I suck."

seebs

I have a handful. Lemme see.

"Taking a short typing break for ergonomic reasons. Back soon!"

This one used to be "The floating hand compels me! I must not type in this space." But I got too many complaints from people who wanted to know what it meant.

My idle-away is "Wandered off or distracted", which is apt enough.

"I eat!" (Self-explanatory.)

"I have no idea what you're talking about, so here is a picture of a rabbit with a pancake on its head. Only the rabbit died, and I ate the pancake." (Means I'm out having pancakes. IHOP is cool enough to get its own away message.)

"Out with friends, back later maybe." (Generic.)

"Showering. No pictures, sorry."

"Actually working in some kind of using-hands way, away from pute. Back later."

"*snort* wha? nevmind. 'msleep. (rolls over)"

Cynical-Chick

"For many, this charred portrait of Elizabeth II gives new meaning to the term 'flaming queen.'"

"It's a big fake like the moon landing, Marky Mark's role in Boogie Nights, <something>, and Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. And I don't mean that totally unproved gay rumor, they're both just really really fake."

etc

Novowels

"I am currently away from the computer."

Lucretius

"I am afraid I am a figment of your sick and twisted imagination,if you continue to see these messages please seek medical advice"

Nostalgic Pushhead

Here's some of the more amusing ones I use:

The president has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue him?

Evolutionists do it... with increasing complexity!

In 1958, the Esso Research Center reported that "tuning in rock & roll music on a car radio can cost a motorist money, because the rhythm can cause a driver to unconsciously jiggle the gas pedal, thus wasting fuel."

Louise : How did you get here?
Johnny : Well, basically, there was this little dot, right? And the dot went bang and the bang expanded. Energy formed into matter, matter cooled, matter lived, the amoeba to fish, to fish to fowl, to fowl to frog, to frog to mammal, the mammal to monkey, to monkey to man, amo amas amat, quid pro quo, memento mori, ad infinitum, sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese and leave under the grill till Doomsday.

Wherever. Whatever. Have a nice day.

Where knowledge ends, religion begins.
-Benjamin Disraeli

I can no longer sit back and allow, communist infiltration, communist indoctrination, communist subversion, and the international communist conspiracy, to sap and impurify, all of our precious bodily fluids.