Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Amlodhi · 08-02-2004, 05:54 PM

Well, if this is the way y'all are going to be:

A rope walks into a bar and the bartender yells, "Get out! We don't serve ropes here."

The rope goes outside, thinks for a bit, then twists himself into a half-hitch and unravels both of his ends.

This done, he strolls back into the bar and seats him on a bar stool. The bartender, looking at him suspiciously says, "Hey, are you that rope that was in here a minute ago?"

To which the rope replied, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Yes, I know, it is to groan,

Amlodhi

Bright Life · 08-02-2004, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Don Alhambra

Now those I can do.

A rabbit walks into a bar, and says to the barman: "I'd like a cheese and onion toastie please." The barman gets him the toastie, he pays the money for it, eats it and leaves.

The next day at the same time he comes back. He says to the barman: "Can I have a ham and pickle toastie please?" The barman makes him his toastie, and again he eats it, pays up, and leaves.

He's back again at the same time the next day and this time asks for a lamb and mayo toastie. Eats it up, pays, leaves.

So the next day the barman waits for the rabbit to com back again... but he doesn't arrive. A week goes past. About eight days later, the rabbit comes back and asks the barman for a glass of water. He looks a bit seedy.

The barman says: "You OK mate? You don't look so good." The rabbit replies: "No, I've been a bit ill recently. Mixing my toasties."

...

*crickets chirp*

Must be a Brit thang, 'cause I don't get it.

BL

Cynical-Chick · 08-02-2004, 08:12 PM

Me neither, then I noticed he's a Brit.

Jinksy · 08-02-2004, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Must be a Brit thang, 'cause I don't get it.

Jesus, I have that one in a 20-year old joke book

It's a pun on myxomatosis :banghead:

christ-on-a-stick · 08-03-2004, 04:36 PM

A guy walks into a bar and notices, to his amazement, a man only one foot tall, merrily playing the piano. He asks the bartender for the story behind this bizzare sight, and the bartender tells him he'll explain later.

So he asks for a drink, and the bartender replies "'Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish."

"OK", says the guy. He goes to the bottle, rubs it, and BOOM! Out comes a genie, who says, "You have one wish."

The man thinks about it for a moment and then wishes for a million bucks. Suddenly, a cloud of smoke fills the room, and when the smoke clears, there are a million quacking ducks crowding the bar!

"Hey!" He says to the bartender. "I didn't want a million ducks, dammit!"

The barman replies, "What, and you think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?'"

Blinn · 08-03-2004, 04:47 PM

A priest, a cowboy, and a gorilla walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, a joke?"

Dragon · 08-03-2004, 11:03 PM

A man walks into a bar, he says, "Ouch" and walks away.

Veleno · 08-04-2004, 12:31 AM

Two men walk into a bar. The second man said "I didn't see it either"

Nialler · 08-04-2004, 06:30 AM

A woman in a bar orders a double-entendre.

So the barman gave her one.

pavlos · 08-04-2004, 08:07 AM

man walk's into a bar and ask the barman, for a beer and a packet of crisp's(chip's).
he drink's the beer, and put the crisp's on his head and leave's.

next day the man returns, same thing again drink's the beer, and put's the crisp on his head and leave's.

next day in he walk's again and ask for the same the barman say's sorry we are right out of crisp, so the man say's give me a meat pie then.
so he drink's the beer, and put the pie on his head, he is about to leave, when the barman ask, every day you come in here you drink the beer, but why do you put pie on your head, and man say's because you've got no crisp's.

a bit lame (so are the rest)

08-03-2004, 04:36 PM	#15
christ-on-a-stick Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Durango, Colorado Posts: 7,116	My stand-by bar joke A guy walks into a bar and notices, to his amazement, a man only one foot tall, merrily playing the piano. He asks the bartender for the story behind this bizzare sight, and the bartender tells him he'll explain later. So he asks for a drink, and the bartender replies "'Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish." "OK", says the guy. He goes to the bottle, rubs it, and BOOM! Out comes a genie, who says, "You have one wish." The man thinks about it for a moment and then wishes for a million bucks. Suddenly, a cloud of smoke fills the room, and when the smoke clears, there are a million quacking ducks crowding the bar! "Hey!" He says to the bartender. "I didn't want a million ducks, dammit!" The barman replies, "What, and you think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?'"

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08-02-2004, 05:54 PM	#11
Amlodhi Regular Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: central USA Posts: 434	Well, if this is the way y'all are going to be: A rope walks into a bar and the bartender yells, "Get out! We don't serve ropes here." The rope goes outside, thinks for a bit, then twists himself into a half-hitch and unravels both of his ends. This done, he strolls back into the bar and seats him on a bar stool. The bartender, looking at him suspiciously says, "Hey, are you that rope that was in here a minute ago?" To which the rope replied, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot." Yes, I know, it is to groan, Amlodhi

08-02-2004, 08:12 PM	#13
Cynical-Chick Contributor Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 11,424	Me neither, then I noticed he's a Brit.

08-03-2004, 04:47 PM	#16
Blinn Veteran Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Ohio, USA Posts: 1,162	A priest, a cowboy, and a gorilla walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, a joke?"

08-03-2004, 11:03 PM	#17
Dragon Veteran Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: CA Posts: 1,279	A man walks into a bar, he says, "Ouch" and walks away.

08-04-2004, 12:31 AM	#18
Veleno Regular Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: USA Posts: 402	Two men walk into a bar. The second man said "I didn't see it either"

08-04-2004, 06:30 AM	#19
Nialler Banned Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Paris Posts: 8,473	A woman in a bar orders a double-entendre. So the barman gave her one.

08-04-2004, 08:07 AM	#20
pavlos Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: bedfordshire, england Posts: 44	man walk's into a bar and ask the barman, for a beer and a packet of crisp's(chip's). he drink's the beer, and put the crisp's on his head and leave's. next day the man returns, same thing again drink's the beer, and put's the crisp on his head and leave's. next day in he walk's again and ask for the same the barman say's sorry we are right out of crisp, so the man say's give me a meat pie then. so he drink's the beer, and put the pie on his head, he is about to leave, when the barman ask, every day you come in here you drink the beer, but why do you put pie on your head, and man say's because you've got no crisp's. a bit lame (so are the rest)

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