Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Jehanne · 02-09-2005, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gregor2

You remember T2 when the new model Terminator would absorb any portion of his body that was blown off. I picture Jesus walking outside, touching the foreskin with his toe, and it is absorbed into his body.

would his sperm be “divine�??

Faldage · 02-09-2005, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by I. C. Unicorns

� think about all the Holy Crap lying around Bethlehem.

It's pretty common stuff, often used as packing material.

no_more_700_club · 02-12-2005, 12:40 PM

This is so much more about Jesus' discarded foreskin than I EVER wanted to know.

Interesting the useless things you learn on forums.

Dean Anderson · 02-12-2005, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jehanne

would his sperm be “divine�??

Every sperm is sacred...

John A. Broussard · 03-08-2005, 01:37 PM

There's a basic problem with non-believers such as you folks. If god can perform miracles, then your questions (and answers) are plain silly. All you have to do is to visit some of the cathedrals in Europe for your answer (maybe some churches in the new world also). Not only are there several foreskins of Jesus scattered in the reliqueries of the continent, but there's also a bunch of feathers from the Holy Ghost, milk from the Virgin Mary's breasts, lots of heads of John the Baptist--and on and on.

Wasn't it some Bishop from the Middle Ages who said there were enough pieces of the true cross in Europe's churches to have required the denuding of the forests of Europe?

Best one was locally where a church has exact REPLICAS of the nails used to fix Jesus to the cross.

But, I wander. The point is that you can't argue about facts if someone believes anything is possible.

Amedeo · 03-19-2005, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boro Nut

Why are creationists wasting their time looking for a non-existent ark when there is every possibility that there is a genuine lump of god knocking about in the vicinity of Nazareth/Bethlehem?

I can't imagine anybody thought to keep his foreskin when they chopped it off. They didn't know he was a messiah until he was in his thirties, and didn't realise he was God until about 100 years after that. So why would you keep his foreskin?

They probably just lobbed it out of the window. And I can't imagine it would burn or rot away either if it was the genuine article. I don't recall anyone mentioning it ascending to heaven after his resurrection either, and he wouldn't have any need for it anyway. On balance of all the available evidence it is extremely likely that it is still there.

So why don't they just identify the house Jesus lived in (there will be a blue plaque) and funnel all their resources into digging about in the garden a bit? We will all have egg on our faces when they start laying it on sick lepers again even if they do tell them to fuck off. They’re like that lepers. Right ungrateful sods they are.

Perhaps the Pope could wear it on his finger. He could do miracles just by pointing, and he could let people kiss it. It sounds a lot more hygienic than kissing his ring. That must stink at his age.

Boro Nut

Joking aside, if the foresking were available, could one extract DNA and clone Jesus? Not to worry. His foreskin is well preserved in a little church of Amelia, a town near Rome.

As a matter of fact, there are about a dozen churches across Europe that preserve Jesus's foreskin. (I am not too sure whether there were a dozen Jesuses, or the forskin was divided into little pieces.

Emperor Constantine's mother had become a Christian and started collecting relics, and relics were found for her and others after her.

In a church in Manua there is soil with blood from the cruficied Christ. (There is a fantastic story about the Roman soldier, Longinus, collecting samples and eventually ending up in Italy.) Portions of the Mantua samples were stolen and are in other European cities. (Stealing was a devout Christian act. So, the body of St Mark the evangelist was stolen by the Venetians from Greece).

In Turin, we have a photograph of naked Jesus on his shroud -- with the hair details as if he were standing up, but no penis visible... Petrhaps he had undergone many circumcisions. Then there is a portrait of his face [different from the shroud's] on the cloth handed to him to wipe his face while carrying the cross. The picture is as if somebody had taken a posed photograph -- undoubtly all miraculous.

There is Mary's house in Loreto.

Of course, St, Peter is buried in Rome, on Vatican hill. Then Constantine's basilica was buit on the subterranean tomb. The old basilica was replaced during the Renaissance. (Vatican hill = the sootsayer's hill, but I don't know WHEN this name originated.

In Rome, there is the whole flight of stairs which led to Pontius Pilatus. (You are allowed to climb it on your knees.)

One of the nails used to crucify "Jesus of Nazareth King of the Jews" is in an imperial crown preserved in Monza, Italy.

Austria has Longinus' spear.

In a little church on the Appian way, there preserve a marble slap with the imprint of one of Jesus' feet. The imprint was made on the spot when Peter (already in Rome) met jesus after the resurrection. -- Quo vadis, Domine? said Peter in good Latin (Wither goest thou, O lord?). -- To be crucified again, said the Lord --alluding to the imminent crucifixion of Peter. {It's the Quo Vadis church, in case you go looking for it.}

The list goes on................... Relics were the jewels of Medieval churches and centers of pilgrimages.

Vagus · 03-20-2005, 03:01 AM

You know this idea:

Quote:

Originally Posted by gregor2

You remember T2 when the new model Terminator would absorb any portion of his body that was blown off. I picture Jesus walking outside, touching the foreskin with his toe, and it is absorbed into his body.

Combined with this....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amedeo

As a matter of fact, there are about a dozen churches across Europe that preserve Jesus's foreskin.

....could give us the reason that there is a gap in the account Jesus' life. I reckon he disappeared so people would stop coming after him with the knife.

French Prometheus · 03-20-2005, 05:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wayne P

Could someone help me out here? I don't understand what they mean by 'tip'. If it's just the tip of the foreskin wouldn't that leave a lot of foreskin left? Jews up til this point were embarassed by their circumcision, explaining one of their dislikes of the gynasium. If only the tip was taken off wouldn't they, for the most part, still look uncircumcised? Would it have been that easy to tell?

Ancient Jews used to snip off just the tip of the foreskin. This allowed many of the hellenized Jews to "restore" their foreskin and look intact in Greek gymnasia. An exposed glans was regarded as gross by the Greeks. Eventually, Jewish priests recommended that the whole forsekin be cut off so this quasi restoration could no longer be possible.

Y.B · 03-20-2005, 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wikipedia

According to a 17th century theologian, the foreskin may have divinely ascended to become the rings of Saturn.

*jaw drops*

Seriously. I'm speechless.

Putney Swope · 03-20-2005, 12:51 PM

"You want me to cut off what?"

"I thought it was calimari."

"If it fit over the pope's finger, that Jesus must have been hung like a horse as an infant."

"Maybe the foreskin had already been cloned. That would explain why there are so many copies."

Things overheard in my brain while reading this thread.

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02-12-2005, 12:40 PM	#13
no_more_700_club Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Salish Sea Posts: 1,727	This is so much more about Jesus' discarded foreskin than I EVER wanted to know. Interesting the useless things you learn on forums.

03-08-2005, 01:37 PM	#15
John A. Broussard Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Hawaii Posts: 6,629	There's a basic problem with non-believers such as you folks. If god can perform miracles, then your questions (and answers) are plain silly. All you have to do is to visit some of the cathedrals in Europe for your answer (maybe some churches in the new world also). Not only are there several foreskins of Jesus scattered in the reliqueries of the continent, but there's also a bunch of feathers from the Holy Ghost, milk from the Virgin Mary's breasts, lots of heads of John the Baptist--and on and on. Wasn't it some Bishop from the Middle Ages who said there were enough pieces of the true cross in Europe's churches to have required the denuding of the forests of Europe? Best one was locally where a church has exact REPLICAS of the nails used to fix Jesus to the cross. But, I wander. The point is that you can't argue about facts if someone believes anything is possible.

03-20-2005, 12:51 PM	#20
Putney Swope Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Statosphere, baby. I'm stacked over LaGuardia & I'm not coming down fo no body Posts: 614	"You want me to cut off what?" "I thought it was calimari." "If it fit over the pope's finger, that Jesus must have been hung like a horse as an infant." "Maybe the foreskin had already been cloned. That would explain why there are so many copies." Things overheard in my brain while reading this thread.

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