Luci

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?), she's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?

He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref. One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'

Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.'

Mary's totally gob smacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.

Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.'

Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that. But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an Joe ‘break an enta’ into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that. Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their 'eads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?'

It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better naff off to Egypt.'

Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think that I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.'

So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

:rolling:

RussianM3_dude

I get it, but then I spent 2 years in an English private school.

Chav-on!

Oolon Colluphid

:notworthy :rolling:

Dunno what the yanks'll make of it, but still...

Then Job answered and said,
I have heard many such things: miserable comforters are ye all.
Shall vain words have an end? or what emboldeneth thee that thou answerest?
I also could speak as ye do: if your soul were in my soul's stead, I could heap up words against you, and shake mine head at you.
But I would strengthen you with my mouth, and the moving of my lips should asswage your grief.
Though I speak, my grief is not asswaged: and though I forbear, what am I eased?
But now he hath made me weary: thou hast made desolate all my company.
And thou hast filled me with wrinkles, which is a witness against me: and my leanness rising up in me beareth witness to my face.
He teareth me in his wrath, who hateth me: he gnasheth upon me with his teeth; mine enemy sharpeneth his eyes upon me.

And the Lord spake unto Job, saying: "Am I bovvered? Am I bovvered, though? Do I look bovvered?"

tonan22

:rolling:

Luci

And the Lord spake unto Job, saying: "Am I bovvered? Am I bovvered, though? Do I look bovvered?"

In a nutshell - no he is not bovvered :rolling:

Jhuger

Is this what happens when Cockney lasses watch MTV and listen to gangsta rap?

jcsd

In the beginning God created the Heaven and the Earth and the Chatham
And the Earth was without form, and void; no Lidl's no JJB or nuthin!
God said "Let there be light innit".
And there was light, innit.
And God saw the light and he saw that it was well wicked.......

Coragyps

I love that "innit" - the first place I saw that was in Sherman Alexie's stories about American Indians, though. Convergent evolution, innit?

Ruhan

Bloody hilarious!

anevilpetingzoo

Umm... I bet this would be much more funny if it was read to me aloud... Or if I were British