newtype_alpha

WARNING! Hypothetical situation!

Assume three things are true:
1) The Bible is at least historically true in all respects and divinely inspired; however, assume that the Biblical prophecies are a glimpse into what God plans to do, not neccesarily what will happen.
2) The Quran and the Book of Mormon are completely false
3) The Rapture really is going to take place and all True Christians will be zapped away to heaven.

The day is October 11th, 2005, 8:01 AM. God and his son Jesus have just decided to "pour forth their wrath" on all of mankind, judging the sinners in their usual smiteful style. God is going to do this exactly the way he said he would in the Book of Revelation; seven angels, seven bowls, the plagues and disasters, etc etc. But since God has zapped away all the True Christians before it all happened (and thus removed any doubt from the rest of the world that we are all screwed) needless to say, the remainder of mankind is royally pissed about this... long story short, the USA declares war against God.

So... given what the Bible says about God and his power (the Bible, not theologians) and what the Bible says about the Second Coming (again, just the Bible, and not theologians' interpretation with the possible exception of the rapture) what can be said about the outcome of the battle?

This is more or less open ended, but we have some basic options.
1) God's omnipotence is no match for us foolish mortals and his armies of angels (and that bigass sword in Jesus' mouth) simply pulverize us and our puny counter attack.
2) God's powerful, but not that powerful, and even though we get creamed in the battle we still end up with a long and bitter geurilla war that annoys him for at least a decade.
3) God defeats USA, but not without loosing lots of angels in the battle and eating a nuke or two; heavy damage to heaven, Jesus gets killed for a second time and it takes more than three days to put him back together.
4) God and the USA fight to a stalemate, heavy damage on both sides, they both decide to call it quits while they still can.
5) USA takes heavy damage, but just barely manages to score a victory and God agrees to a bitter cease fire which the exhausted USA excepts.
6) USA defeats God and his armies, kills God and Jesus (or maybe just captures Jesus in a spiderhole) but ends up trying to supress angelic rebels while trying to introduce democracy to heaven.
7) USA defeats God and his armies, kills God and Jesus, and nukes heaven into oblivion
8) Jesus has a sudden change of heat, kills his father and decides to be nice to everyone instead of raining plagues on the entire human race.

Just a few of many possibilities. :wave:

Worldtraveller

Well, really, who would notice two people missing?? :Cheeky:

Cheers,
Lane

PoodleLovinPessimist

Well, the USA does have iron chariots, which does seem to give Yahweh a bit of difficulty.

newtype_alpha

Believe it or not, that's the very verse that inspired this thread

After all, if Yahweh could be thwarted by a bunch of 8th century BC nomads with iron chariots, how does he expect to stand up to a squadron of tanks? :devil3:

ChristMyth

I think your forgetting a very important character in the whole scenario, the antichrist. And even though I vote that God would get his ass kicked, I don't think the US of A could pull it off alone.

Christmyth

seebs

This is one of the least persuasive arguments in the SAB.

"he" refers to Judah, not to the LORD; you can tell by the capitalization. Saying "the LORD was with..." is sort of like saying "had a lucky day".

dancer_rnb

Who could we get to help us? The Mighty Thor? Hummingbird Wizard?

Eldarion Lathria

The Emperor of the Galaxy, Vercingetorix II Akhnaton and his war fleet.

"Is this the fist that launched a billion ships?
And melted the golden streets of Heaven?"

Eldarion Lathria

Astreja

None of the above! The battle of Armageddon was actually fought at about 7:30 p.m. Central Standard Time on April 2, 2001. I was sitting at my kitchen table at the time, commanding the western flank of the "Where the blazes did they come from??" forces (who were not invited to Extreme Bible SmackDown 2001 but showed up anyway because we were bored and had run out of chocolate).

The dead rose from their graves, on cue, in the general vicinity of Megiddo. And were led into an ambush in a dead-end valley flanked by our forces. No blood spilled. Forced to throw down their weapons. Leaders taken into custody by 'Ngi (Very small Pleaidean cat warriors, not to be confused with Kzinti) and carted off to face justice somewhere out in deep space.

That's my story, and I'm sticking with it...

vsop44

http://www.100megsfree4.com/farshores/tw01.htm

according to this long but interesting article the account in revelation of the battle of Armageddon is not a prophecy but the account of a battle that occurred some 50.000 years ago !