Koyaanisqatsi

Nobody ever listens to me .

lunachick

Koy, you are a bad, bad man.

Now come hither unto my bidet and wash thyself of thy sins, as I have done.

Then call me.

LOL!!!

Xeluan

I think we have a winner in Koyaanisqatsi

Putney Swope

In a previous life, I was going at it pretty good with this lady. Being young and poor, my mattress was rather flimsy. In all the action, the mattress had started moving off the foot of the bed leaving a chasm at the head of the bed. Her head fell down into this chasm, and every time I thrust, her head hit the headboard and she let out a yelp. I thought I was tearing it up so I thrust even harder causing her head to hit the headboard yet more violently and she yelled even louder "Ouch!"

The more she yelled, the harder I thrust. Finally, she pushed me off and she had a sizable lump on her head. She quickly dressed and shoved me into the wall on her way out the door, never to return again. Now I wince every time I hear "Not tonight, I have a headache."

Once you go "Swope", you never go back.

Hedwig

Koy, that was above and beyond. I think you have a good chance of winning this thread.

Godless Dave

Like my coolest sexcapade, my embarrassing sex moment is also pretty tame. My freshmen year of college I was dating a nice young classmate. When summer break came we decided our relationship would continue, even though I was going home to western New York and she was going home to New Jersey. During the summer she flew up and visited me for a few days, and two weeks later I flew down to visit her. When she stayed with me my mom put us in separate bedrooms, but we still had a lot of private time: mom worked 40 hours a week, and my dad and younger siblings were away at the cabin. But her parents were teachers and had two months off in the summer, so they were home all the time. But their house was big, and we were young, horny, and reckless, so we had sex several times in her bedroom while her parents were home. One time we were really going at it - we were buck naked on the floor, my eyes were closed tight and I was in deep concentration (my gf had a fantastic body, and after she lost her virginity to me she decided she loved sex and got very good at it). Then I heard the door click open. My heart jumped. This is it, I thought. We're busted. I'm about to get my ass kicked by a five foot tall middle-aged Jewish man and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Stilll wondering how I was going to change my flight home and explain to my parents why I came home early (assuming I lived that long) I opened my eyes. In the doorway, with a quizzical look on his face, was their family dog. "Sherlock, GET OUT!" yelled my girlfriend. She kicked the dog out and locked the door, but I don't remember if we even finished; it was the fright of my life.

AquaVita

No, I meant what I said. It is super-secret agent stuff. Something you little people could never understand.

Buddrow_Wilson

Koy...you've ruined me...I will never get those images out of my head.

Monkeybot

Well, I've learned my lesson. Never read Koy's sex stories while eating lunch.

Loren Pechtel

Not as bad, but there was this cat. My wife is a bit afraid of cats. The cat saw the affection and wanted in on it. I kept putting it off the bed, it kept coming back.