His Noodly Appendage

Why should there be a reward for suffering? That's a ludicrous concept. Suffering has no redeeming features - that's why it must be prevented. That's the entire basis for morality. The only time suffering is good is when it's the consequence of some other good thing - and that thing's goodness is diminished thereby.

Are you sick or injured? Did your dog get run over? Has something awful happened? Those are bad things. The world is not inherently fair, and sometimes you get a raw deal. Make what good you can of it, because that's all you can do.

Death is the end - you cease to exist, just like your game ceases to exist when I turn off your computer before you've hit Save. There's nothing to 'go' anywhere. Your mind is a process, not a thing. Asking where you go after death is like asking where the juggling goes when you put the tennis balls down. It's just... not a valid question.

How exactly you put this comes down to how much your child can understand.

Viti

Death is the cessation of existence; pain is one of many life experiences.

There is no "after death" death is the end of an individual's existence
What do you mean "reward"? We experience pain, we experience joy, it's all just a part of life.

schu

Where does the light go when a bulb is turned off? Turn it back on and the light comes back. So it is a better analogy to ask where the light goes if the bulb is broken. No power, no bulb, no light.

If the energy that powers the brain is interrupted the brain stops working. If the brain is broken it stops working.

It takes energy to transmit or manipulate information. If the information is not there any longer, there is no person, no mind to have memories that make a personality. If there is no energy to power a mind then there can be no mind. Lights out!

PoodleLovinPessimist

I just told mine the truth. BTW: My children were educated.

Nowhere.

Nothing.

I actually think all the time. Once you start, it's hard to stop.

starling

One thing you have to realize is, once you are free from religion, you don't have to worry about death anymore. The question itself is absurd, obviously, and if a child asks that you would do best to gently correct them with, "People don't go anywhere. Dying isn't going. It's just stopping."

As for reward for pain and suffering, there is no reward for pain and suffering, so avoid it! That's not hard to understand, is it? Tell them to only accept pain and suffering, when there is something besides pain and suffering that is going to make them happy or improve life in general.

Zygote

I have two teenagers, both raised without religion. They seem to be fine with the messages on death and pain that they were raised with:

Death is the cessation of life. You no longer exist, just the same as before you were alive. No thoughts, no rewards, no nothing, just compost.

Pain happens. It is an adaptive response to clue you in that something with your body or mind needs attention, like the "check engine" light in your car. If the signals are in error, there are medications to help with that. Not every experience has a higher purpose.

SkyDancer_0202

I've told her that after death, it is the memories of the person and the things they've accomplished in this life that live on.

Pain is pain. Without the hurts, how can we know to savour the joys?

Siamang

Hi alpha.

When you asked about the reward for suffering pain, I was reminded of William Goldman's "The Princess Bride."

"Life IS pain.... anyone who says differently is selling something."


But yeah. I really don't think there's a reward for pain, unless that pain is in the dentist's chair and the reward is the fructose lollypop he's got in the third drawer!

What makes you think there IS a reward for suffering?


As far as what do i tell my children? My daughter isn't old enough yet to have deep conversations about it, but I'll say something like..

What happens when and after we die? Nobody knows for sure. This is what I think happens. What do YOU think?

My daughter's relationship with mortality will be her own. I am mortal myself, and so cannot control any aspect of her mortality. She will face death and the prospects of it as we all do.

southernhybrid

My son is 35 so I'll have to try and remember what I told him. In the first place, I introduced him to religion and told him to investigate and come to his own conclusions. I didn't want to indoctrinate him since I was raised in a evangelical Xian home and hated being told what to believe. I highly value the concept of independent investigation of truth when it comes to one's metaphysical position.

I don't believe there is a reward for pain and suffering so we never discussed that. We just accept that life sometimes includes pain and suffering. It might be a consequence of one's own actions, i.e. unhealthy habits and decisions or it might simply be something beyond your control, i.e. the accidental death of a loved one. You learn to cope the best you can. Sometimes pain and suffering makes one stronger. Sometimes we learn valuable lessons from pain and suffering. Beyond that, there is no reward.

I think I had a book about a dead tree that I read him in an effort to explain death. It was a lovely book that explained the life cycle and how death is a part of that cycle. I don't remember my son ever being afraid of death. I'm a nurse that works with people of advanced age so I'm sure he heard me talking about death quite a bit when he was a child. He is now an atheist and he doesn't believe that there is anything beyond this life. It's just very hard for humans to accept that they will never see their loved ones again. I think that's a large part of the reason why so many believe in an afterlife. I guess it's also hard to imagine you will stop existing.

As a Unitarian, I'm curious what you teach your children about death, and from what source do you gather this information.

DMB

My children are grown up now.

When they were young I didn't raise questions like this with them but waited for something relevant to bring them up.

Having pets is a great help here, because they die and the children are sad. So when the cat died, we dug a grave and erected a small memorial board with her name and dates. I didn't exactly conduct a funeral service but explained how every living thing had to die sooner or later and although we were sad to lose <the cat>, we could remember lots of things about her and so as long as we did this, part of her would have some continued existence. I also explained how the chemicals that had made up her body would be recycled for new life. All this came in very useful when a year later my father died and they had to cope with the death of their grandad. Of course, there were more issues with the death of a human being than with the death of a cat, but the cat funeral was a helpful rehearsal.

I don't remember them ever asking any questions about where the dead went or if there was any form of survival after death.

They were, of course exposed to religion, but we tried quite hard not to indoctrinate them with our views. We did, however, explain why we thought the way we did, and when my son at the age of 10 spent a year at a xian school, I asked for him not to be obliged to attend church.