pariah

Wheww back from a party lots of Jim Beam later I am still here posting drunk and it's hard to spell, also I think I might be on other stuff oh well! Horray for friday night and the saturday morning that follows. A monkey falls over in march and I'm sure this ifs off to elsewhere but I'm not loocking at what I type as I type becuase that's how I do so peplease disregard any typos, my 120 WAM isn't so great at this time. Actually it's perfect except for the fact that it's not perfect english ify ou know what I mean cough cough. Anyway it was a fun night, so how as YOUR night, or how is it GOING!? I came home early and I don't know why but I do know that lady godiva is sitting on my shoulder so please arrest me officer I said as he pulled moe over. That's right, mo. Oh shit, I'm. yes indeeedny. Perhaps I will make a poll out of this. Anyway this will go off to elsewhere I'm sure...I'm goign to post for a while then when I'm done with my pedialyte and vitaims i am going to BED!@ WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe

Lemur

Preserved for the ages...no morning-after edits! Muahaha!

I'm such a jerk.

Thesto Neroses

Nononono - you've got it all wrong.

(insult removed)

Stout Drinker

That prophesy is about to happen. Off to ~~E~~

Blinn

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my
friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work
cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays,
hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of
endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your
intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at
heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I
question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity
takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those
ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear
from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I
eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some
stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few
cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you
went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do
more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by
causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue
marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me.
Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front
door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous.
I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in
order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My
entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water,
vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out
face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should
be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to
ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great
stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I
just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to
continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances
above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than
Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can
continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

Blinn

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

xMinionX

Phenomenon: Why is it that whenever you get totally shit-faced drunk, you wake up the next morning and have scrapes and cuts on random places on your body, but you have no idea where they came from? This happens to me all the time.

JacksonAces

ok, that's my new away message.

~jack

Mark

Or when you wake up in your bed surrounded on all sides by your own vomit.