JerryM

Another old Baptist joke--sorry, it's kind of long--not ROFL funny, but clever;

A man is walking across a bridge, when he sees another guy about to jump off.

"Hey, man" he says, "you don't have to do that."

"Why not?" the other guy says, "I've got nothing to live for. I lost my job, I'm bankrupt, my wife left me and took the kids, my car threw a rod, and my dog just died. My life totally sucks."

"But God still loves you," the man says, "you believe in God, don't you?"

"Well, I guess so," the guy says.

"Tell me, are you a Christian?"

"Yes" the guy answers.

"Well, so am I!" the man says. "Catholic or Protestant?"

"I'm Protestant"

"Well, so am I!" "Methodist, or Baptist, or Presbyterian?"

"I'm Baptist."

Well, so am I!" "Northern or Southern Baptist?"

"Northern Baptist."

"Well so am I!" "Northern fundamentalist, liberal, or reformed?"

"Northern fundamentalist."

"Well, so am I!" "Northern fundamentalist eastern region, or Great Lakes region?"

"Northern fundamentalist, eastern region."

"Well, so am I!" "Northern fundamentalist, eastern region conference of 1898, or conference of 1912?"

"Northern fundamentalist, eastern region, conference of 1912."

"Die, heretic!" the man says, and pushes him off the bridge.

tracer

Heh. It's even funnier 'cause it's true.

NonHomogenized

Thank you, Emo Phillips, for that joke.

Another from him:

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"
I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."


And, finally, a parting thought from the great master:

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps

(link to more Emo Phillips quotes: http://cmgm.stanford.edu/~lkozar/EmoPhillips.html )

Wounded King

That baptist joke has apparently been voted the funniest 'god' joke at ship-of-fools.

TTFN,

WK

Weltall

Thread necromancy makes the IPU cry.

NZSkep

but check out the funniest 'sick' religious joke, even better imo.
http://forum.ship-of-fools.com/board..._judgment.html

A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"

The little girl turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."

The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

I love how all the fundies are discussing how it completely offends them underneath too.

richard2

I think the original joke was ROFL worthy. Thanks for this one.

Machiavelli

Never take just 1 Baptist with you fishing because he'll drink all of your beer.

Naked Ape

Q: What is the difference between Presbyterians and Baptists?
A: Presbyterians say hello to each other in the liquor store.

Peter Watts

Heh, heh, stop me if you've heard this one:

One day an atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look and saw a grizzly bear charge toward him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.
He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried out to the Lord.
Time stopped, the bear froze, the forest was silent. A bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this
predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

Get it?