aa5874

According to Valentinus, see http://www.earlychristianwritings.co...entinus-e.html

Could this Jesus be for real? This Jesus is full of .......it.

mopc

hahaha

I always wondered what the Christian theological theory on that was. Didn't he at least fart a little? What about urine?

RAFH

Maybe that's what sent him heavenward, they just did't understand ballistics and didn't know where to look for him down range.

His Noodly Appendage

Okay. So.

Anyone want to estimate the volume of 30 years worth of food?

And didn't his parents find it odd that they never had to change his diapers?

Febble

No. Next.

RAFH

Well, junior was sort of strange from the start, appearing, as it were, without the benefit of sexual congress. Plus Joe and Mary were obviously not very experienced with such things, perhaps they didn't realize children poop and piss and fart.

You have to wonder about Joe though, he must have really been sweet in Mary. How many guys would stick with a girl who becomes pregnant without their 'assistance', so to speak. Frankly its a bit of a wonder Mary was not stoned for having sex without being married. I mean, its not likely many people would just accept such a claim.

"Papa, uh, I have something to tell you and I am not sure how you're going to take it"
"Well, what is it, Mary?"
"It's, um, well, you're going to get mad and I don't want that, promise you won't get mad?"
"Honey, how can I say what I will do if I don't know what it is?"
"Sniff, sniff."
"Oh, alright, I promise, you know I can't stand you crying." "What is it?"
"Well, okay, its like, you know how I've been sort of sweet on Joe and -"
"Oh christ, you've gone and got yourself knocked up, haven't you, you little tart? Why I oughta ... ..." "Where is Joe? Run off I suppose?"
"See Daddy, I knew I shouldn't have told you."
"What, do you think I'd just assume you were eating too much and getting fat? What kind of idiot do you take me for, girl?"
"Joe doesn't know yet. I swear we never made the two-backed animal, poppa, I swear."
"Right, I suppose you just miraculously became preggers?"
"Well, now that you mention it, I did have this dream where an angel told me goddidit."
Yeah, right, I already asked you what sort of fool do ya take me for."
"Good afternoon, Mr. Saint Joachim and/or Hel-"
"Oh its you, ya little bastard, whatcha mean knocking up my little Mary? You cad. I'm going to beat you flatter than unrisen bread."
"Whoah, Mr. Saint Joachim and/or Heli, what are you talking about, I've never done the nasty with Mary, we decided we'd save ourselves for Marriage, we took an oath of celibacy." "I swear on my first born's foreskin, that's the truth."
"On your first born's foreskin, do ya say, well then, given how sacred foreskins are, I have to believe you." "But we still have the problem she's preggers."
"What a second, you mean to say Mary really is preggers? Why the two-timing little slut, making me wait while she's shagging every passerby." "I'm outta here"
"No you're not, boy" "My little princess is preggers and if the town finds out about it, they'll stone her." "And you I might add."
"Wait a second, I told you, I didn't do nothing."
"Yes, that's what you say, but somebody did and you are the most likely candidate, everybody knows you two are sweet on each other. They'll just assume 1 + 1 = 3."
"Oh crap." "Maybe we should leave town, I think I have some relatives in Bethlehem."
"Good idea." "Better get going before anybody notices."

aa5874

Perhaps his excrement was spiritual. And then again, this may account for his missing body, it just blew up due to accumalation of methane and static electricity.

GenesisNemesis

Just for clarification... aa5874, are you an atheist or a theist?

aa5874

I believe, based on my research, that the Christian Gods, the God of Abraham and his son the supposed crucified one, are all fiction.

I have not done a full research into other Gods, however I am not aware of any Gods that exist and that any God created or did anything at any time.

aguy2

I believe there is some scripture which seems to contend that J/C is a 'whitening' agent, and in those days the most powerful bleaching or whitening agent was "Tanner's Clay", which is degenerated urine.
aguy2(amen)