Freethought & Rationalism Archive

show_no_mercy · 08-03-2006, 02:47 PM

This is it for me:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drang nach Osten!

Okay, fuckchops, school is in session. Lesson number fucking one: Ya don't comment on music you ain't even fucking listened to.

End of the goddamned lesson. School's out.

You listen to some Hateflex, and then I'll listen to what you have to say about them, but until then you're just another wanna-be dillwad striking another pose.

Sentinel, I like you. I don't know why... it's really not in your best interest to be at the same shows I go to right now because you will get your ass stomped. But I like your willingness to try something heavy and I mean Grade-Fucking-A HEAVY and not this pussy Black NS bullshit that goth-weenies think is mutherfucking evil. Mwa-ah-ha-ha! What a joke!

You want to check out bands like Hateflex, Embrutalment, etc.? First thing your gonna have to do is bulk up. You'd better get your skinny ass to the gym and start pounding plates ASAP. And creatine?! Fucking give me a break! Not only should you be choking down as much creatine as you can, but I'd recommend testosterone precurser, ghb, and growth hormone. You start chugging the correct mixture/recipie and you should be ready to go to some real metal shows in about 6 months.

Take it from me, when I'm not at work (what a fucking drag that shit is!), not actively supporting the metal scene, or banging a chick, I'm in the fucking gym. Why? Because brutal death metal isn't a scene... it's a goddamned battlefield.

You show up with your toothpick arms poking out of some "bend-me-over-and-violate-me" Dream Fucking Theater t-shirt and the only way you're leaving is in an ambulance.

Last weekend was a fucking blast. The scene is getting soooo fucking brutal it's fucking great!! What a rush. It weeds out all the fucking asshole poseurs. Yeah, I was there in the pits with the best of them, grabbing necks with one hand and smashing faces with the other.

So, because I like you Sentinel, you'd better protect yourself by being able to defend yourself. Start hitting the weights and then you can hit the scene running. As for all the rest of you nimrods, you just keep listening to your Cannibal Corpse and pretend you're brutal because of it. Fucking Chris Barnes ain't fucking brutal. Oh, fuck yeah, Chris, sing me "Hammer Smashed Face", and then afterwards go home to your New York condo, feed the dog, let the cat out and pay the cable bill. Wow, how brutal. You've got to live the life, not sing about it.

So why don't you all listen to some Hateflex... listen to some Embrutalment and then go live the fucking dream. It's time for a fucking show. Off I go to bloody my knuckles. I'll pay special attention to fuckwads wearing poseur death metal shit tonight.

!!KEEP HATE ALIVE!!

DnO!

Bright Life · 08-03-2006, 08:34 PM

He's so obviously a repressed gay man.

Hazy Daisy · 08-03-2006, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bright Life

He's so obviously a repressed gay man.

That was funnier than the post.

In answer to the OP: a story about the ultimate roommate from hell.
Long, but worth it. I don't know whether it's true or not, but it sure is funny.
Here's an excerpt:

Quote:

He set fire to our carpet with alcohol during a party. He pissed in the fridge. He shat in the fridge. He shat in the crisper drawer. He shat on the oven top, and instead of cleaning it up, turned on the burner, reasoning that carbon is easier to clean than feces.

....

He had a party to which he invited too many people, and they spilled into my room. Strangers had sex in my room at that party. In my bed. One of them had pubic lice. Someone took a dump in my closet. Someone left a used condom in my slipper. I discovered all of these things after it was too late.

Morning after said party, my mother knocked on the front door, and a stranger from that party answered and immediately threw up on her legs.

I have to stop now or I'll wind up quoting the whole thing.

Whoracle · 08-04-2006, 03:27 AM

One of the funniest things on the internet was started right here at IIDB! If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

:notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:

Rather long, but that just means more laughs right?

His Noodly Appendage · 08-04-2006, 04:13 AM

That, and all of Andy's Rants.

Starshark · 08-04-2006, 04:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whoracle

One of the funniest things on the internet was started right here at IIDB! If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

:notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:

Rather long, but that just means more laughs right?

That thread would've been a whole lot funnier if the posters hosted their own images instead of leeching. Little red x's don't make for funny.

Whoracle · 08-04-2006, 05:33 PM

Ya I know. It sucks. Wasn't there supposed to be a restoration project for that thread?

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08-03-2006, 08:34 PM	#2
Bright Life Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 8,345	He's so obviously a repressed gay man.

08-04-2006, 03:27 AM	#4
Whoracle Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 633	One of the funniest things on the internet was started right here at IIDB! If you have set yourself on fire, do not run. :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy: Rather long, but that just means more laughs right?

08-04-2006, 04:13 AM	#5
His Noodly Appendage Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 6,513	That, and all of Andy's Rants.

08-04-2006, 05:33 PM	#7
Whoracle Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 633	Ya I know. It sucks. Wasn't there supposed to be a restoration project for that thread?

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