jenn

I really appreciate the kind words!!
I have four other children. I have meaning in life, and that meaning is my children. I look at my oldest and his passing as this. He passed away because he wanted to teach those left behind. He wanted us to know what it is like to love a little boy with no hair. He taught us that we should live every day like it is the last, not to take other people for granted, to think of him when we go fishing, and see a deer. To think of him when we see a picture of a wolf. He taught us that it is inevitable,we will all expire. The experience taught me to talk about dying.We didn't with him and I regret it. I will never make that mistake again. He was so nervous about it that he chewed off all the buttons on the remote. He never talked about death with us either. The day he took his last breath he said he was scared.Maybe if we would have talked to him about it he would not have been scared. His dying has taught me alot!! I would not have learned these things and I would be a different person today. I guess that is why I lean on an assumption of a GOD. Maybe he is not as bad as the Bible portays him to be. Maybe we had free will before we entered our mothers womb...who knows....

jenn

Typhon,
I think what you wrote was true in a sense. It really made my heart cry out. Something that only happens every so often now.
I do not feel the "need" to believe in anything. It is just something I sense. I sense that my daughter is getting into something. I sense that because I know her. I know that when I walk outside I think about the earth and I think about the expanding Universe. I think about the black holes and how amazing it is to walk outside and realize my actual surroundings.
I belive in a Being, and or Beings because it is beyond my comprehension that all has been created over time without a purpose or meaning. I believe in a creator of some sort because I am bewildered to the fact that light can communicate. My surroundings have led me to sense and believe in a greater force than I.
Because I lost my oldest son, I grieve, my heart aches for his touch and to hear his voice.
The day we buried him we seen about 20 deer in a field. Something that you never see. Or atleast we had never seen and have lived here our whole life. They were wide open in this field. Josh loved deer. He would always make us take that route to get a sneak peek at one. I realized that day that he could communicate with me. There is no proof that it was him.But other things happened as well that same night, which I wont go into detail.Intuition I think , is the forgotten sense!!
I am basically thinking outloud. An existence of a God or Beings is not out of the question. It is the main question that we as humans seek to know the truth about. Why are we here, what is our purpose. Maybe there is no purpose and we did amazingly pop out of matter, oxygen, hydrogen, etc...If I am not mistaken, there is no proof or logic that can explain how life first evolved on this planet. As far as I know, it is inconceivable by some physists. They are stumped as to say there had to be a singularity. Maybe they will one day find it in a black hole, I dunno.I think it doesn't hurt anyone to believe in a Loving God. I do however think that because of religion dogma, if you will, is the reason why we are at war today!!! Okay..sorry for rambling.. <img src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" border="0" alt="[Not Worthy]" />

Ron Singh

Jenn, I admire your quandry for the truth, while not trying to propogate my religion, God isn't restricted to Christianity.

Typhon

Jenn,

I'm glad to hear that you are finding comfort, joy, and strength in your loved ones. I'm glad that you have these wonderful resources to draw upon after losing your son.

I truly think this is the best way, to deal with grief, but each must find their own path I suppose.

I think that evidence is more compelling that we seek answers of this type, because of human wants and needs that are themselves, of little meaning to the greater universe. I believe we believe, because that is what we so desperately want to be true. Wanting however, does not change the universe.

That said, and as for god or the existence of consciousness after death, if you have a belief in these, however unformed, that lends you comfort or peace, I'm glad for you. I merely shared what I think, based on the world as I've been able to perceive it.

Best wishes,

.T.

Jobar

Jenn, I also want to extend my sympathies- and I want to put you in touch with another Gen, AspenMama, who is one of the moderators in our Secular Lifestyle forum. I think that the sort of support you need will best be found there.

Please, if you have any questions, ask. We are often unable to give precise answers- we pride ourselves on putting truth before comfort, but if honest comfort can be given, we will.

<a href="http://iidb.org/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=55&t=000362" target="_blank">Click here to go straight to your topic in SL&S.</a>

[ June 10, 2002: Message edited by: Jobar ]</p>