Azathoth

.....Puts on a straw hat,and waves his cane around.....


Ladieeees and gentlemen,may I have your attention?Are you suffering from the many physical ailments of life?Are you not getting enough sleep.Are you getting too much sleep?Do your pets plot to kill you in your sleep?

Maybe you have some,or all of these problems :

Arthritis,Headaches,Inflamed Bowels,Enlarged Prostate,Gout,Scarlet Fever,SARS,AIDS,A Vestigial Tail,Shingles,Rickets, Uncontrollable Bouts of Profanity,Erectile Disfunction,Chronic Flatulence

...and many more that I can't think of right now,but are completely relevant to you buying this product.

Well,then,my friend,your problem may be that you're not getting enough DNA in your diet.*

Now,I know what you're saying.I've heard it before: "I didn't know I needed more DNA in my diet,Azathoth.I thought I was getting enough from the food I eat."

Well,friend,I would tell you that you are wrong,a terrorist,and possibly insane.

But,have no fear,the Nature's Life company has what you need: DNA supplements.

And not just any old DNA mind you,but DNA culled from natures miracle product,yeast.This DNA will put the bounce back in your step in no time.

Most companies get their DNA from cut rate sources.You could be paying for DNA that doesn't even do anything for you.However, while our competitors may be content to sell useless DNA,we keep our product to a higher standard.

Our DNA has been proven,by a group of top scientists**,with citations in major journals*** to be at least twice as good as the next leading brand.

So,whenever you think DNA supplementation,think Nature's Life.Or don't,and die a slow,lingering death.It's Your Choice.

Nature's Life.Now with RNA,as well as DNA.Twice the product,for the same price.

http://www.natlife.com/Products/Proteins/RNADNA.htm


*Your problem may in fact be completely unrelated to this.

**Community College graduates.

***Creation Ex Nihlo Technical Journal.



[Ed-Changed the product name.After,all I'd never lie about this product,so Honest Azathoth,it is. ]

Coragyps

Do you think the folks down at the health food store would whup my ass if I taped that to their front door?

sakrilege

Of course!! The thing is twice as good as zero is still zero.

Gregg

Mightn't this turn you into some kind of horrible mutant, like a giant, expanding Pillsbury Doughboy?

Gregg

Azathoth

Oh ho!I see we have a skeptic in the audience.Well,sir,you bring up an excellent point.One that cuts right to the heart of the matter.

However,since this presentation is already going too long,I'll have to answer it another day.I'm sorry,but here's a bottle of our fine Nature's Life DNA.Thanks for participating.

I should mention that there is only time for one question per person,in order to speed things up.Though I would welcome many more similar questions from you.

I'm sorry,sir,but I'm sure you understand.

Be assured,though,there are mountains of evidence,in the form of statements by satisfied Nature's Life customers.*

Now for the question by the man in back.

I can promise you,and the audience,in general,that we have not personally observed any mutations,as the result of this product.As a matter of fact,the reactivity of yeast DNA inside the human body is quite low.

Our exhaustive research has determined that it is the same as food that you would consume in the normal course of the day.

That's a guarantee that you'll not get from our competitors.And if you do,they are lying communist dogs.

So,how many bottles of our miracle supplement can I sign you up for?I should tell you,that after this,I am heading to the Baptist Boards,and they usually buy up all of the remaining stock that I have.So get it now,while you still can.




*Employees of Nature's Life.Individuals have been paid a small,insignifigant,hardly consequential fee for participating in our survey.

Azathoth

You never know.If they're in the throes of DNA withdrawal,they might get violent.I hear she can be a harsh mistress.