liquid

'gets my back up'

Sorry, brit expression. Basically a shortened version of back-up-against-the-wall. It means it is likely to make people unnecessarily defensive.

Want me to carry on? What is the deadline?

voltaire321

OK, I'm reading the paper so I'll just jot down a few ideas. These are mainly for grammar, punctuation, and readability. In my comments I am trying to emulate what my old english teacher would have written on the paper. I am barely literate, so some of my observations may be incorrect.

1) I believe the following sentence ( second paragraph, introduction ) is incorrectly punctuated:

If it a system loses its ability to do work, then it must be losing energy--by definition.

change it to this:

If it, a system, loses its ability to do work then it must be losing energy--by definition.

or perhaps shorten it to this:

If a system loses its ability to do work then it must be losing energy--by definition.

2)This sentence is unclear ( second paragraph, introduction ):

Remember: Scientists, not writers.

Should "scientists" be capitalized? Something about this smacks of an incomplete sentence. I can't figure out what though.

3) There are at least four sentences hidden inside this one. ( Introduction, paragraph 3 )

The Second Law does not deny evolution, the first law does not deny the big bang, the conservation of energy does deny perpetual motion, entropy does decrease, and there is no faith to be found in any of these laws--by end permit your reason alone judge if the laws are true, no faith required.

4) Who can the first quote be attributed to in the first paragraph of the section 1 ( conservation of energy )? I would start this sentence out with "<Insert name here> said,". There should be a context for this quote.

5) There should be no comma in this sentence, also I would insert the word "by" before the word "finding". ( first paragraph, Pulley Example section ):

The way the perpetual motionist hopes to do this, is finding "some way of lowering a weight differently from that by which it is raised...

6) "then" should be "than" ( last sentence, pully example section ):

(positional energy) then energy

7) "monist" should be "motionist", "though out" should be "through out" ( last sentence, INTERAL / CHEMICAL EXAMPLES ..... section )

perpetual monist is that a machine of this type has been attempted by some of the greatest minds all though-out history

8) There are two sentences waiting to break free here ( first paragraph, conservation of energy section )

Since Einstein showed us that matter and energy were fundamentally the same entity in his famous equation E=mcc, the principle is now referred to as the Conservation of Matter / Energy which states that no energy or matter can be created nor destroyed but only transformed from one form to another in an isolated system.

9) The conservation of energy section could use some rethinking in terms of where the paragraph breaks should be. The first sentence of the second paragraph clearly belongs in the paragraph before it ( as demonstrated by the use of the word "however" ).

10) The use of the word "surely" introduces and aspect of doubt to your argument. I believe you can state this sentence as fact. ( first paragraph, commonsense section )

flat since surely numerous people...

11) No comma is required in the following sentence ( second paragraph, commonsense section )

A good reason to believe that the conservation of energy holds, is that a violation of the principle has never been seen.


ok.... I need to leave work, so if this stuff is useful and you would like me to continue leave a post...

-Voltaire

optimist

Well the paper is due Thursday (26 Feb) but I would like to continue working on it past the deadline. Adding a section on "Time" and "Information Theory."

So I am hoping for as much criticism as you guys/gals can dish out. So far it has all helped. I am in the process of making many of the changes now.

Thanks Everyone <img src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" border="0" alt="[Not Worthy]" />

optimist

voltaire321 if your in Houston, have you ever heard of the Church of Freethought down there?