ps418

From the Skeptic magazine email list:

EQUAL TIME ALL THE TIME FOR EVERYONE

By Minister Michael Shermer*


Good morning ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.

This morning we are going to talk about the creation of the universe and the
origins of life on Earth. According to the Bible, Genesis 1:1-3: "In the
beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without
form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of
God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and
there was light.

Now, it is important for us to understand that no one was actually present at
the creation so we don't really know what happened. Genesis 1:1-3 is only a
theory, and as such cannot be treated as fact and is really nothing more than
an educated guess. It is only fair that we remember that there are other
theories of the creation that deserve equal time. For example:

Some Sumerians and Babylonians, Gilbert Islanders, Koreans, and Greeks
believed that the world was created from the parts of a slain monster.

Some Zuni Indians, Cook Islanders, and Tahitians have a theory that the world
was created by the interaction (read "sex") of primordial parents.

Some Japanese, Samoan, Persian, Chinese, and Hindu cultures have a theory
that the world was generated from an egg.

Some Mayan and Egyptian cultures have a theory that the world was created by
the spoken edict (command) of a god. Oh, come to think of it, the Hebrews
have this same theory.

Some Burmese and Icelandic cultures have a theory that the world was created
out of the sea.

And, of course, there is that dogma being foisted upon us by the liberal
media and left leaning academics, the theory of evolution. But remember, it
is only a theory.

As for the origins of human life, that is spelled out in Genesis 1:27: "God
created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and
female created he them."

Of course, not only was no one present to witness this act (except for Adam
and Eve after they were created), it should be pointed out that this theory
has a counter theory in Genesis 2:7, where "the Lord God formed man of the
dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and
man became a living soul." In this theory Adam is all alone without a mate,
so in Genesis 2:21-22 "the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam,
and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead
thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman,
and brought her unto the man."

Since everyone here was blessed by the almighty with a brain that thinks, I
will allow you to decide which theory is the correct theory of the creation
of humans: Genesis 1 or Genesis 2. Weigh the evidence and decide for
yourselves. You be the judge.

Oh, there is one other minor wrinkle in the story. Adam and Eve begat Cain
and Abel. Now, Cain--as firstborns are wont to do to their laterborn
siblings who might cut into their limited parental resources--slew him. That
left Adam, Eve, and Cain as the only humans on the entire Earth. But in
Genesis 4:17 we
read that "Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch."

Now, I don't mean to burden you with more of the liberal media's fascination
with smut and porn, but I think as created beings endowed with intelligence
and critical thinking skills blessed to us by the good Lord, it might be
reasonable to ask just who it was that Cain "knew." Unless Adam was blessed
with both types of reproductive organs, or Cain was capable of
parthenogenesis, then we are left with the theory that Cain "knew" his
mother.

But that's just a theory, and as we all know, theories are just wild guesses
and should not be taken seriously. Let us pray instead . . . . amen.


*I actually am a minister in the Universal Life Church, someone anyone can do
on line (just download the form and fill it out). It is legal and binding and
I have actually performed three wedding ceremonies as a minister!

wade-w

rotflmao!

But this may be more suited to humor, imho.