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Old 08-03-2002, 07:33 PM   #1
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Post bible fun!

Quote:
"Slaves, be obedient to those who are your earthly masters, with fear and trembling, in singleness of heart, as to Christ...."
Ephesians 6:5


"Let all who are under the yoke slavery regard their masters as worthy of all honor, so that the name of God and the teaching may not be defamed. Those who have believing masters must not be disrespectful on the ground that they are brethren; rather they must serve all the better since those that benefit by their service are believers and beloved."
1 Timothy 6:1

"Bid slaves to be submissive to their masters and to give satisfaction in every respect..."
Titus 2:9
"Blessed are those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes...."
Jesus-Luke 12:37

"No servant can serve two masters..."
Jesus-Luke 16:13
"A servant is not greater than his master."
Jesus-John 15:20

"And that servant who knew his master's will, but did not make ready or act according to his will, shall receive a severe beating."
Jesus-Luke 12:47
As for your male and female slaves whom you may have: you may buy male and female slaves from the nations that are round about you. You may also buy from among the strangers who sojourn with you and their families that are with you, who have been born in your land; and they may be your property. You may bequeath them to your sons after you, to inherit as a possession forever; you may make slaves of them, but over your bretheren the people of Israel you shall not rule, one over another, with harshness."
Christian god-Leviticus 25:44


"When a man strikes his slave, male or female, with a rod and the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. But if the slave survives a day or two, he is not to be punished; for the slave is his money."
Christian god-Exodus 21:20


The bible teaches that slavery is permissible in many places. Nowhere does it condemn slavery however.

Quote:
"For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does..."
1 Corinthians 7:4

70. "Likewise, you wives, be submissive to your husbands..."
1 Peter 3:1


71. "For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman but woman for man."
1 Corinthians, 11:8

72. "As in all the churches of the saints, the women should keep silence in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be subordinate, as even the law says. If there is anything they desire to know, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church."
1 Corinthians 14:34
73. "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord."
Ephesians 5:22

74. "Let a woman learn in silence with all submissiveness. I permit no woman to teach or have authority over men; she is to keep silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor."

Timothy 2:11

75. "It is well for a man not to touch a woman."
1 Corinthians 7:1

The bible teaches that women are less than men and that they should be subjugated


Quote:
"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child. But the rod of discipline drives it far from him."
Proverbs 22:15


"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. If you beat him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol."
Proverbs 23:13

. "(Elisha) went up from there to Bethal; and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, 'Go up, you baldhead! Go up you baldhead!' And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys."
2 Kings 2:23

that’ll teach ‘em damn kids!


Quote:
"Circumcision indeed is of value if you obey the law; but if you break the law, your circumcision becomes uncircumcision. So, if a man who is uncircumcised keeps the precepts of the law, will not his uncircumcision be regarded as circumcision?"
Romans 2:25
Makes perfect sense!


Quote:
. "...he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God."
Jesus-John 3:18

57. "He who believes in the Son has eternal life; he who does not obey the son shall not see life, but the wrath of god rests upon him."
Jesus-John 3:36


58. "If a man does not abide in me, he is cast forth as a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire and burned."

Jesus-John 15:6

59. "'But as for these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, bring them here and slay them before me.'"
Jesus speaking in a parable Luke 19:27
"I look at the faithless with disgust..."
Psalms 119:158
Damn atheists!

Quote:
"I will strew your flesh upon the mountains, and fill the valleys with your carcass. I will drench the land even to the mountains with your flowing blood..."
Christian god-Ezekiel 32:5

43. "I will fall upon them like a bear robbed of her cubs, I will tear open their breast, and there I will devour them like a lion, as a wild beast would rend them."
Christian god-Hosea 13:8

44. "And I will fill your mountains with the slain; on your hills and in your valleys and in all your ravines those slain with the sword shall fall...Then you shall know that I am the Lord."
Christian god-Ezekiel 35:8
A strange thing for an omni-benevolent god to do. no?


Quote:
. "David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines; and David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king's son-in-law."
1 Samuel 18:27


38. "Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten thousands."
1 Samuel 21:11
"And David took more concubines and wives from Jerusalem..."
2 Samuel 5:13

Isn’t David just a swell bloke?


Quote:
4. "Behold the day of the Lord is coming, when the spoil taken from you will be divided in the midst of you. For I will gather the nations against Jerusalem to battle, and the city shall be taken and the houses plundered and the women ravished..."
Christian god-Zechariah 14:1





6. "Happy shall he be who takes your little ones and dashes them against the rock!"
Psalms 137:9


7. "But God will shatter the heads of his enemies..."
Psalms 68:21


8. "...they have rejected the word of the Lord, and what wisdom is in them? Therefore I will give their wives to others..."
Christian god-Jeremiah 8:9


10. "...I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the light of this sun."
Christian god-2 Samuel 12:11


1. "Samar'ia shall bear her guilt, because she has rebelled against her God; they shall fall by the sword, their little ones shall be dashed in pieces, and their pregnant women ripped open."
Hosea 13:16
12. "The men of Judah carried away very much booty. And they smote all the cities round about Gerar, for the fear of the Lord was upon them. They plundered all the cities, for there was much plunder in them. And they smote the tents of those who had cattle, and carried away sheep in abundance and camels. Then they returned to Jerusalem."
2 Chronicles 14:13


13. "The men of Judah captured another ten thousand (men) alive and took them to the top of the rock and threw them down from the top of the rock; and they were all dashed to pieces."
2 Chronicles 25:12


14. "Behold the day of the Lord comes, cruel, with wrath and fierce anger...Whoever is found will be thrust through and whoever is caught will fall by the sword. Their infants will be dashed in pieces before their eyes, their houses will be plundered and their wives ravished."
Christian god-Isaiah 13:9, 13:15


15. "'Pass through the city after him, and smite; your eye shall not spare and you shall show no pity; slay old men outright, young men and maidens, little children and women...'"
Christian god-Ezekiel 9:5


16. "Behold, I am against you, says the Lord of hosts, and will lift up your skirts over your face; and I will let nations look on your nakedness and kingdoms on your shame. I will throw filth at you...."
Christian god-Nahum 3:5


17. "I myself will lift up your skirts over your face and your shame will be seen."
Christian god-Jeremiah 13:26

18. "..the Lord will smite with a scab the heads of the daughters of Zion, and the Lord will lay bare their secret parts."
Christian god-Isaiah 3:17


19. "But Ama'sa did not observe the sword which was in Jo'ab's hand, so Jo'ab struck him with it in the body, and shed his bowels to the ground..."
2 Samuel 20:10
21. "Slay and utterly destroy after them, says the Lord, and do all that I have commanded you."
Jeremiah 50:21

22. "Then they (the Israelites) utterly destroyed all in the city, both men and women, young and old, sheep and asses, with the edge of the sword."
Joshua 6:21


23. "And the Lord our God gave him over to us; and we defeated him and his sons and all his people. And we captured all his cities at that time and utterly destroyed every city, men, women and children; we left none remaining..."
Deuteronomy 2:33


24. "...Men'ahem sacked Tappuah and all who were in it and its territory from Tirzah on; because they did not open it to him, therefore he sacked it, and ripped up all the women in it who were with child."
2 Kings 15:16
. "Bless, O Lord, his substance, and accept the work of his hands; crush the loins of his adversaries..."
Deuteronomy 33:11
"Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man by lying with him. But all the young girls who have not known man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves."
Moses-Numbers 31:17

How lovely!

Quote:
. "Therefore fathers shall eat their sons in the midst of you and sons shall eat their fathers...
Christian god-Ezekiel 5:10, 5:17

Yummy!

Quote:
"We destroy arguments and every proud obstacle to the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ..."
2 Corinthians 10:5
"The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile."
1 Corinthians 3:20
yea those damn EVILutionists and they’re “Science” mobo jombo!


Quote:
"But if through my falsehood God's truthfulness abounds to his glory, why am I still being condemned as a sinner? And why not do evil that good may come?-as some people slanderously charge us with saying. Their condemnation is just."
Romans 3:7

So the trust-worthy writers of the ineffable bible think it’s okay to lie so long as it makes people believe in god?
YHWH666 is offline  
Old 08-03-2002, 07:58 PM   #2
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Post

woo hoo! Now I don't have to reread the bible for the juicy quotes.
thanks.


Quote:
"We destroy arguments and every proud obstacle to the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ..."
2 Corinthians 10:5
"The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile."
1 Corinthians 3:20
Starspun is offline  
Old 08-03-2002, 09:32 PM   #3
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Posts: 9,525
Thumbs up

YHWH666, this is indeed a fine compendium of nasty shocks for literalists- but it ought to be in our Biblical Criticism forum, I think. I'm gonna put a copy on my own hard drive, too!
Jobar is offline  
 

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