bacht

When Eli'sha came into the house, he saw the child lying dead on his bed.
So he went in and shut the door upon the two of them, and prayed to the LORD.
Then he went up and lay upon the child, putting his mouth upon his mouth, his eyes upon his eyes, and his hands upon his hands; and as he stretched himself upon him, the flesh of the child became warm.
Then he got up again, and walked once to and fro in the house, and went up, and stretched himself upon him; the child sneezed seven times, and the child opened his eyes.
Then he summoned Geha'zi and said, "Call this Shu'nammite." So he called her. And when she came to him, he said, "Take up your son."
She came and fell at his feet, bowing to the ground; then she took up her son and went out.

2 Kings 4.32-37

So Eli'sha died, and they buried him. Now bands of Moabites used to invade the land in the spring of the year.
And as a man was being buried, lo, a marauding band was seen and the man was cast into the grave of Eli'sha; and as soon as the man touched the bones of Eli'sha, he revived, and stood on his feet.

2 Kings 13.20-21

mountainman

Two of the Zombies ressurrected in Matthew are given names in the 4th centrury "Acts of Pilate". They are called "Leucius" and "Karinus" and they are rounded up by the authories as they were wandering around Jerusalem and given writing implements and books, and they both wrote an account of the events of that momentous event. (Obviously in the 4th century). So who or what is the significance to BC&H in the name of "Leucius Charinus"?

Cege

Have ye a link to the "Acts of Pilate" where we could read about the wanderings and writings of zombies Leucius and Karinus?

mountainman

THE GOSPEL OF NICODEMUS, OR ACTS OF PILATE
From "The Apocryphal New Testament"
M.R. James-Translation and Notes
Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1924

courtesy of www.earlychristianwritings.com

Vivisector

I'm thinking that the entire zombie episode is, in skillful hands, a WME - Weapon of Massive Embarrassment. When I, the average guy walking down the street, read this story, some rudimentary questions naturally arise to my unsophisticated, faith-bereft mind:

1. When the zombies rose, were they still rotted/skeletal?
2. What did they do while they were cruising the 'hood? Check up on old friends? Make a meal of some vino and unleavened bread? Slaughter a lamb?
3. Did they say anything? If they were all rotted and shit, seems it would be yea, verily, perhaps, challenging.
4. So, how long were these people out there walking around?
5. Did the zombies go back to their tombs (crypts, holes, whatever) when the good part was finished, or did they resume their previous productive lives?
6. Did they smell really awful?
7. Did they need help with directions?
8. Were they hungry?
9. If their eye got poked out in their previous life, was it still poked out?
10. If they got resurrected or whatever before the big J-guy, wouldn't they have been the "firstfruits of the resurrection?"

Eh, etc., blah, and whatever. This is like telephone fishing in an aquarium.

Cheers,

V.

Minimalist

I think I saw that movie.

Sheshbazzar

Here is another gem from Paul;
How does that at all jibe with these 'many' saints rising from their graves during the crucifixtion day, and going into the city and appearing unto many, three days -before- Christ himself is alleged to have risen from the dead?
Look again at the tale. In the 'ninth hour' of the day;
The 'after his resurrection' in v. 53 is an obvious latter interpolation in an attempt to place the 'rising saints' event as following the three day latter resurrection of Jebus, but such is entirely inconsistent with the flow of the narrative, Which is, on THAT day, in the ninth hour;
Not some time after three days latter. (comp. also Mk 15:38. and Luke 23:44-45)
It was this earthquake, 'about the ninth hour' (v 46) according to Matthew, that opened the graves.
The rending of the Temple Veil, the earthquake, the rending rocks, and the opening of the graves are inseparable.

I should also mention here that his rising from the dead would be the first recorded resurrection unassisted by human contact.
If it were not for the 'little problem' of these 'many saints' arising first.

An important point with respect to these 'many' other saints who also arose from the dead having no physical laying on of human hands. The tale implies that they also arose unassisted by any human intervention, three days -before- Jebus, making him far away from the first in this miraculous act of unassisted resurrection, and putting to lie the Christian doctrinal claim that He was the first ever to be so supernaturally resurrected.
So much for the claims of inerrant texts. Matt threw a turd into the pot.




.

mountainman

Hi Vivisector,

The way I look at it is that the Gnostic authors of the expanded Zombie events were pointing this Weapon of Massive Embarrassment at the Constantine Bible and pulling the trigger.

It's possible, but apparently they were kissed ....


Apparently they cruised out to the city limits of Arimathaea, to kneel on their knees and give themselves to prayer. They were prayerful zombies, nice orthodox ones, you know.



They groaned.

They apparently then said "Give us each a volume of paper, and let us write that which we have seen and heard.".

They were obviously zombies of the scribal kind.



Apparently most of the night.



They were given paper and writing implements and according to the text we have in front of us, recorded the "Descent of Big J into Hell" and an account of conversations with some of the celebrities on the journey there and back.

After that, the two zombies exploded in a flash of light.
That was a mysterious ending to the narrative.
Makes me wonder if any of it is true





Maybe they borrowed Pontius Pilate's hand soap?




They were rounded up by the authorities and questioned.



I think they were beyond hunger.



Good question. The text is not useful in this question.
It mentions their tongues but not their eyes.



YES. Good point. There was a controversy over this later in the 4th century.
Lazarus and another in the LXX also beat Big J as the first official resurrectees.

Paul got it wrong, as Shesh points out:



Eusebius says this text is full of blasphemies against Big J and the nice official rosy rosary story about there being an unparralleled universal event of missive proportions. The zombie story is indeed a Weapon of Massive Embarrassment. But I think it was purposefully designed by the gnostics to not only publically embarrass the followers of canonical stories about Big J, but to public embarrass the imperial publisher Big C.

The gnostics were writing their own gospels. Was that legal?
History reveals that it was not considered to be legal by those in power.
Such "Zombie Gospels" were hunted down - by the Roman Army - and burnt.